This makes me sad because I know it so well. My partner doesn’t “nightwalk” any more but the potential is still there – I used to sleep with my house keys and car key in my pillowcase…
Its fucking hard. My partner is going to cocaine anonymous so its a start. Can’t really say he is sticking to it but its acceptance at least. Theres a bit in the AA book called to the wives if you google it, its an interesting read.
I have felt like you – I have self harmed before but thats on me. The only advice I have is that addiction really is an illness. I’ve been to every CA meeting with my partner and they really do not want to be behaving like this. They don’t choose it.
However if you can’t get your fiance (mine is a fiance too but we never will afford a wedding so I say partner) to the point of acceptance you have to really think about how long you are willing to wait x