[amandaa]

Mine is my name too! Are you on twitter? Check out @mumsvoice

[amandaa]

So have you. It all sounds very familiar. My son hasnt done a days work in his life. Ive tried to sort the budgeting thing, i take money out of his account to hold back for gas/electricity and by end of day 1, the money has gone. I could never have my son back to my house. Its just not an option, the chaos, damage, violence he causes is not something i can have again. He has been in court numerous times and really has no more lifelines left. He is in breach of his current probation order, always is, we will see whether they enforce it. So far they havent. Its pointless. My sons debts are mostly court fines and train fines. He says its my fault he got them as some of them are against me when he has done something i have called the police! Almost funny he thinks like that! I know my situation is very very extreme. When ive been to drug family meetings i sit there and nobody else’s stories seem anywhere close to mine. Makes me feel very isolated. I dont have hope anymore as i dont think he will ever change. Feels a bit like a life sentence! Always here if you need to rant xxx

[amandaa]

My son is 23 and hasnt really lived at home since he was 16. He doesnt know where we live because he would be bashing on the door and i have two younger daughters and just cant risk that anymore. He isnt homeless at the moment and hasnt been since Feb but i fear he will be evicted which is my worst nightmare as the homeless periods are the worst. I have been dealing with this for so long, things got bad from 15 and its just got progressively worse as time has gone on. You see periods of hope but it always go back and i guess its when you see the periods of hope, you step back in. I worry more because of the Aspergers and other issues and know that dual diagnosis is the worst possible kind of addict. I am going to give him a file of all his paperwork that I have and leave it up to him but i know he wont deal with it, he never does. Its only in the last few weeks i have started to do some of it but it takes so long and exhausting dealing with him. I think i am going to revert to taking him a bag of basic food once a week, pay his phone which is now on a pay as you go as the contract phone kept getting stolen, sold or used by other people. My son has a social worker, probation, drug worker and support worker, aside the fact they are useless and I say this with huge amounts of experience with them, he does not engage with any of them so that gives them a good excuse not to do anything. Always feels like a catch 22. After being in ICU a couple of weeks ago i know his time is running out. He will end up back in there, 10ft under or in prison. Right now these seem like better options than where he is. Sad thing is he could have a nice flat, its in a good location but he doesnt care about anything. How old is your son?

[amandaa]

I became hardened like you and then let him back in and my guard has gone down so i feel as if i am back at the beginning which is stupid really as nothing has changed and I know it will take a while to become harder again. The other problem is everything is a mess, his finances, paperwork, benefits all over the place. If I dont deal with it, he doesnt and then it just gets into a bigger mess. I hear some saying its not my job, its his, but most of the time i genuinely dont think he is capable of it as he is so far removed from the real world. I know i need to put some boundaries back in place for myself and I intend to do this. I guess right now I am just weary of it all and want some peace, but with him there never can be peace because even if i block him, you still worry, you still think about it. Unless you have been through it, you have no idea how hard it is. x

[amandaa]

Aspergers, question bipolar, personality disorder. In order not to give him money I will have to block him fm my phone. He will hassle/abuse 24/7

[amandaa]

Hi he is 23. We have tried to get him sectioned before. Even when he discharged himself fm ICU the psych said he was lucid. He refuses to engage with anybody. Just blames me. So it’s v difficult. My husband thinks he is just clever and there is nothing wrong with him. If he can manage to get drugs, he can manage to stop them. Yest he got £100 in benefits. It’s all gone. He will now expect me to find him for nxt 2 weeks. If I don’t he will starve or steal. Been through the cycle so many times. It’s just impossible.

[amandaa]

Hello Diana
Go to drugfam or oasis to get some support. Their help and guidance has really helped me. You sound like me trying to help your son making sure he is ok but the reality is all you are doing is helping him carry on doing what he is doing. Not criticising you because i was the same. 7 nearly 8 years on i have only just walked away and doing full on ‘tough love’. Its so hard and at this time of year feels like my heart is ripping in two. But the reality is if he wont change then you shouldnt have your life ruined by it. Sounds harsh. His only chance of changing is for you to change how you deal with it. After xmas have a look and see where your local group might. It really does help. xxx

[amandaa]

Hello ladies my don is 22. Drug user, mg problems, aspergers. Life has been a hell hole for 7 years. Finally a month or so ago I couldn’t take anymore. I went to drugfam and oasis. My life is now changing. It’s called tough love. It’s so bloody hard. Impossible some days, ok others and on really bad days feels like my heart is being wrenched out of my bad. I feel so sad. But with drugfam and oasis I am coping most of the time. Pain never goes but I’m learning to manage it. Make contact with one if them. It really will help. X

[amandaa]

Vonnie I wd tell him to leave. ‘Tough love’ – hard to do but only way. I’ts do bloody hard and so shut for us mums. Nobody understands the pain and heartache we deal with. I worry about my son 24/7 and feel so utterly sad sometimes I think I might break in two. But in learning to deal with and know I’m entitled to a life. contact drug fam. It really will help xx

[amandaa]

Very very hard to do what you did. At least he is not smashing the door down and breaking windows which is what my son would do. In my experience housing & social services are useless and the systems/services are rancid, failing and flawed. My son told me last night he is being moved today, dont know where. He was in a down mood, ive got no friends, i want a life. My concern is that the services that are there to help dont really help and even when he says stuff like this you have to jump through hoops to get the help and then the moment has passed. I have tried numerous times to get my son sectioned, they say he is fit. Its a joke. There needs to be crisis and reactive management when it is required and people like my son taken to a safe environment where they are given a chance. Places like this dont exist. A drug addict is expected to be strong enough to deal with coming off drugs with no friends, isolation, nothing. Sending them to a drug place a couple of times a week is not enough. What are they supposed to do the rest of the time?. The social worker that failed Baby P has been given a £600k payout which appalling. Rewarding somebody for a childs death is shocking. She was in a position of responsibility so should be accountable. It just about sums up everything that is wrong with this countrys social care system. In the criminal system people get convicted if they do something wrong. It should be the same with the NHS & Social Services. My marriage is hanging by a thread so I am really dealing with this on my own. Friends are supportive but they lead their own lives and dont really get the stress i am under. I started writing a blog under the name of Mums Voice and on twitter too. Havent written for a while but it gives you a flavour of what I deal with. Crossing everything that today might be a good day for you xxx

[amandaa]

Hi to you both
In my sons eyes I am to blame for everything. Always have been. Some days I feel so stressed its like being squeezed of emotion by a large snake. When I see him, i cant wait to get away from him. Although after an incident a couple of weeks ago i cant see him. But when I dont see him, I worry too. I never know what each day is going to bring. My son does not know where we live anymore, if he did he would be here smashing everything to get in. We have younger children who are so frightened of him. I stopped washing his clothes and taking him food as thats the advice i was given. He gets benefits money and spends it on drugs. Even though i dont take him food he still does this. I am glad I am not seeing him at the moment as I think it would be too difficult to deal with. He is grey, skinny and filthy dirty. He text me today to tell me that the place he is staying have told him tonight is his last night. Dont know what that means but have warned him if he behaves badly then he wont have a roof over his head. Dreading what tomorrow will bring. Easier to know he is on the streets when the weather is good but when its wet and freezing its not so easy to deal with. Nobody would believe if I told them half of what I deal with. Keep strong ladies xx

[amandaa]

I was/am scared that if I don’t help my son something bad will happen. But the reality is I can’t change him anymore than u can change urs. It’s life changing daily and nobody really understands unless Uve been through similar. I’ve had younger kids on half term so been hard to get to drug fan meetings and I feel myself slipping again. It really does help.xx

[amandaa]

Wise words thankyou. I’ve had a bad couple of days
And have really wobbled. It’s been v hard but I know
what I need to do. Just not that easy putting into practice. I wish u both luck and stay strong x

[amandaa]

Call DrugFam they will be able to help you. Somehow its people like us that end up the victims not the addict. Our intentions are always good and its a very hard habit to break to walk away from somebody. Sounds like you need to focus on you which is what i am trying to do. Its really hard. x

[amandaa]

My son is 22 and ive had a living hell for 7 years. I am trying very hard to say no but its not easy. DrugFam have been amazing and it really does help. At the moment i am wrestling with my own battle of wills. Its tough. Talk to DrugFam, they listen and support you x

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