[amski12]

Hi Georgia,

Thanks so much for your reply..

This all tings so true and is completely where I’m at now.. since he left a few months ago I’ve felt so much relief and the atmosphere has gotten so much better at home – I can give the kids more of my time (which I should be doing anyway)

I’ve looked into to counselling already locally and he has a birthday coming up which I was considering buying him a few sessions – in my opinion is the best gift I could ever get him… just dont want to waste my money…

I do believe he really wants to stop but right now it’s just far too available to him… if I could get him to stop work for a while (no point him working right now anyway as it only funds the poison)

He really only has me and 2 of out friends as support as his family have buried their heads and as much as I’ve begged for help and described the n detail the lengths he can to to I think still refuse to believe it…

I’ve sent him a few things to do that I’ve seen on these posts (pocket rehab, louise Clarke etc – thank you to Danman) and if I feel he’s really trying there then I will 100% get a few counselling sessions…

He really struggles to open up he’s such a closed book that it’s so so difficult to beak him down – I mean I’ve been with him over 15 years and trying to get him to express his feelings has always been a problem…

Again thank you so so much x

[amski12]

Thank you ????

[amski12]

Thank you so much for your advice….

I really do hope he can do it, not sure how much I get he can go on like this before he ends up seriously I’ll or worse

[amski12]

Hi thanks for replying! And good on you for trying just keep it up and try not to be too hard on yourself when you lapse just remember why you want to quit and pick yourself back up – I’m sure you’ll get there!

Currently he’s not really actively doing much, personally I think he’s scared of the change I just don’t know..

He doesn’t actually do it with drink – it’s pretty much daily – never used to do it on a Sunday which was the only family day a week… he too can earn decent money he’s self employed though (cash) so I dread to think how much he’s using a day… with his finances getting so bad it must be going on possible 2G a day (or that could be my mind running away with itself)

I’ve actually read quite a lot of you replies to people and you seem to have some great advice which I’ve sent on to him… he’s said he’s going to download the pocket rehab app.. and I signed him up to another forum – passed the login details onto him and just said it’s there if you want, he said he’s looked at it and was going to write on it today… I think he seriously lacks self esteem, seems the typical

Life of the party but it’s a front…

I don’t want to give up on him but how long can I wait…

I think it truly is the last I’ll try to help then I have to move on I have the kids to consider and if they risk losing him they need me 100%…

I’m so scared what might happen to him!

He’s tried appointments at a NHS place but said they’re no good – not sure if this is just him not giving 100%… I think he kind of wants a quick fix or someone to do all the work and him wake up addiction free… I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do…

[amski12]

Hi, I’m in exactly the same position as you…

My now ex partner has a cocaine addiction going on for quite some time and your story sounds almost identical to mine.. we have 3 children and I desperately want him to get help before it has an impact on their lives – I fear the eldest will price it together soon enough (she’s due to start high school this time)

I asked him to leave the family hope about 3 months ago as it had taken its toll on my mental health and my Dr mentioned Social services which frightened me to be honest so I had no choice (he isn’t violent and I was about 80% sure he didn’t do it at home I got up extra early to clean everywhere just in case) but I too read his body language to try to figure out whether he’s had it.

He doesn’t drink with it – I feel his job (self employed) is his trigger – I’ve told him now that he has to get proper help and a proper job or I won’t entertain ever considering getting back with him.

I still try to help if I can but I don’t think he really truly wants help yet as he’s constantly breaking his word (not going to appointments etc) he’s had alternative job options but doesn’t take them (probably because his cash in had job pays for his addiction)

I have found though since he’s left I am much happier and can take a step back focus on myself and the children more – and whenever he’s ready for help I’ll always be there ( at least I think I will) I used enable by means of paying his phone bill, paid debts thinking of the stress of that was gone he would stay of it but obviously that didn’t work.. so now I do nothing at all, no money for fuel, food nothing… I won’t hide the ‘problem’ from family and friends and certainly won’t lie for him.

I feel so sad for him because he is so down but I can’t do anymore than I have it’s upto him now and if he truly wanted to get help, if his unhappiness was that bad he would be asking for help – he hasn’t done as yet…

I was so worried for the kids when I knew he had to leave but they’re so resilient they bounced back, they still see him, I let them call him whenever they want(which sometimes isn’t much) but they’re ok..

On the other hand I can’t forgive his selfishness when it comes to financial support, I understand that he can’t control his addiction but (I may be wrong) he can control whether he wants to get help.. and the fact we are now going to lose our home – which isn’t ideal with 3 kids as it’s not as easy to go to parents etc… he more than had the means to support and chooses not to which I can’t ever forgive…

I know I’ve said I’ll always be there but once I’m made homeless with the kids I’m not sure I will..

Sorry to rant just have to get this off my chest!

[amski12]

Hi, I think I am in the same position as you, while we’re kot married we’ve been together over 15yrs and have a house and 3 young children.

He’s took recreationally since before we met but I think it started to become a problem around 6 years ago & has gotten much worse in the last 2 years…

I am now at the point where he’s had to leave the family home (3months ago) and I have had to take a huge step back.. it’s a slow process but I genuinely think if he really wants to do it get help and live a better life he will ask for help (once he’s ready) unfortunately his family enable which makes it so much harder but as hard as it may be sometimes doing nothing – I mean nothing no picking up the pieces, or doing anything to enable them is the best thing you can do! And look after yourself first and foremost…

When I read that you have to have boundaries and stick to them

I always struggled with how to put a boundary in place and how to stick to it… I’ve learned my own ways things such as definitely no lying for him, and I will tell anyone of our friends and family the real problem, no giving money or paying bills or money for fuel etc etc…

we’re going to lose our home but I am going to have to ride it out… my mental health was in tatters (which is why he had to go) and since I’ve took a step back I feel

a lot better myself, i have the kids to think about too…

The best bit of advice I can offer from

My experience is look after yourself firstly! Talk to friends/family anyone you can do it really really does help…

as for your husband he really does have to want the help, maybe see if he will go to some sort therapy?

[Author]

Posts