[andy05]

Thought that I would share an update on my story.

So today after 6 weeks of to-ing and fro-ISG my partner ended our relationship accusing me of controlling her and over reacting to her conversation about her taking coke with her cousins before Christmas.

Last week, I was the love of her life this week I’m not. In the end, she didn’t do the drug with her cousin.

She had said to her brother and ex-husband that she didn’t want to do the drug yet she can’t tell me that and holds me to ransom for me telling her that I don’t want to be with someone who does drugs. She accused me of abandoning our relationship. This just isn’t true at all.

I have a 19 year old son who has a great friendship with her, she also has a great friendship with my sons boyfriend. I’ve explained that I’m a dad and have always guided my son away from drugs, this has fallen on deaf ears, I’ve also explained that they would have to adopt if they want children in the future and any drug issues would affect their chances, she just doesn’t see this or acknowledge this, she hasn’t tried to own anything involving this situation simply projecting and deflecting everything on to me.

She wants absolutely no contact and I’ve moved out of our home and living with my brother.

We have had our issues in the last due to our challenging upbringing and feel this is the final nail in our coffin. However, all I needed to hear from her is that she didn’t want to do it.

I know I have to walk away from the woman I love, I’d be interested to know if anyone else has experienced this as I’m totally conflicted.

[andy05]

Thank you.

We’ve made a little bit of progress after lots of emails projecting at me and bringing up previous disagreements. I’ve stuck to the simple principle of the question being asked and trying to understand the temptation to say yes an not simply turn away.

I know this is a challenge so am trying to understand what brought the temptation on and was there something Kate needed to share that was challenging.

I feel there may be so I’ve agreed to meet next weekend to speak calmly. My position won’t change in zero tolerance. For me that’s not about control it’s about our respective health and well-being, even if it’s a one off.

[andy05]

I managed to catch up with her ex-husband. We get on well and he gave me some more insight. He also said he was stunned with what had happened as Kate is so happy.

From what I’m gathering and I already knew most of this from Kate. In her teens, she partied hard and was in with a really poor crowd, he bf was a dealer. She has never admitted it but I feel she was an addict.

She got herself off of it and has taken the odd line of coke years apart when she has been with this cousin.

Her ex doesn’t seem to be a fan of his. He also said that he once tried to “protect” her with regards to a promotion at work asking her if she thought it was a good idea. It was the end of their marriage.

He has already explained to Kate that what she sees as normal, I see as frightening which is correct in part. He also said that she was being honest in bringing it up with me but how she handled it when she got the response she knew she got wasn’t fair.

Was I being harsh in just walking and bit sitting down? I was so upset at what I felt was being asked of me. In fact, looking back, I’ve no idea what she was asking me.

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