[angus]

Erin, thank you for your comment. It has helped me not feel like a horrible person.

It’s been a difficult week with my partner just on ‘simmer’ – drinking on the sly and refuting it to the entire family. Watching her own children harden towards her is heartbreaking. This evening the eldest gave me roundabout consent to me asking her mother to move out. The girls are strong and, sadly have older heads on their shoulders than they should but it helps that they want calm as well.

The love is there but, but it’s being steadily tenderised now. She needs to come full circle with herself. In her own words she’s a ‘rule breaker’ so my desire to ‘control’ (Please dont drink?) her just makes her want to more… not really anything left to say to that.

I’ve now got to wait for a sober ‘window’.

[angus]

Hi Jap88,

Really sorry to hear you’re riding a similar rollercoaster! I know the feeling of being in a complete limbo and it sounds like you’re starting to resign yourself to a change in your situation (probably not a bad thing but painful). The problem is this is about the time they turn up on the doorstep again, apologising, and the loop can so easily continue.

Maybe focusing on how you feel and getting what you want clear in your own head will help you make the right choices for you. Horribly, I ended up writing a simple pro’s vs con’s list of being in that relationship… once you remove the emotion bit (very difficult) and look at the actual facts in a list – well, I really couldn’t find a single pro anymore in having them involved in mine, and more importantly my children’s day-to-day lives. I never want to cut them out of the children’s lives but I need to remove all need for relying on them for absolutely anything, whatsoever!

Children always come before any adults. Children need stability and security above all things. If your focus (and it sounds like it is) is to provide those it’s amazing how many other things will fall into place. My partner on her own causes literally all instability/chaos in the household… it sounds like you endure much the same?

Apologies for the babbling – my thoughts are with you.

Angus

[angus]

Thank you for the reply Leda,

My partners birthday so it’s been one of those evenings.

I’m just drained.

I am in the UK so will start a diary as it’s reached a stage where my mental health is finally taking a hammering.

That capacity to look me in the eyes and ‘correct’ me so fervently ‘it’s only a problem because you make it etc.’ it just wears you down. The warped logic employed is fascinating after a while. But it all just makes me so sick that I’m having to choose my children whom I can protect over someone I cannot – but needs protecting/care more. Ultimately it is a no-brainer (i think?), but the possibility of her self-destructing in response is a huge factor as well.

I will start the diary as it might help on a number of levels.

Thanks again for the response.

[angus]

Thank you for the reply Leda,

My partners birthday so it’s been one of those evenings.

I’m just drained.

I am in the UK so will start a diary as it’s reached a stage where my mental health is finally taking a hammering.

That capacity to look me in the eyes and ‘correct’ me so fervently ‘it’s only a problem because you make it etc.’ it just wears you down. The warped logic employed is fascinating after a while. But it all just makes me so sick that I’m having to choose my children whom I can protect over someone I cannot – but needs protecting/care more. Ultimately it is a no-brainer (i think?), but the possibility of her self-destructing in response is a huge factor as well.

I will start the diary as it might help on a number of levels.

Thanks again for the response.

[Author]

Posts