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Hi Mum46, I hope you got through the weekend OK… Just wanted to to share, my son was put on antipsychotic medication for a short time while he was suffering withdrawal symptoms like the ones you describe, it definitely helped but it’s just time most of all. He did find it hard to be with others, go out at all even to a shop but bit by bit he managed it. I wish you and your son all the best, sending love and a prayer that he feels better soon and can get on with his life ????????
Hi DD,
I’m so sorry for the pain you’re going through, I would advise you to start limiting access to money wherever you can, including your wife! Addicts don’t understand what is best for them they need help and sometimes the only way is to cut off the money supply. It will be horrible for a while, I went through some very scary times with my son. Once he got help, he went back to uni, has just finished his physics masters and I cannot believe how he turned his life around in the space of a year. He was too afraid to get help for many years, even tho I begged him, in the end he had to, he was desperate because he couldn’t get the weed anymore, or not enough. Withdrawal is horrible, scary, you have to be prepared for it. I think I described our experience last year on this thread. I also see another member of my extended family, alcoholic, being financially supported in her addiction and nothing changes… She is the same age as me and I think she will probably die soon, she has missed out on so much in her life, her addiction has been enabled and she hasn’t the strength to choose help.
I wish you the very best, get some help for yourself, read the info on this site, I have to say it was what helped me get my thoughts a bit more straight during that awful time.
So sorry to hear your pain, please reach out and get help. It sounds like a horrible situation for all of you… I found this site so helpful, reading through the support material when I was at my wits end not knowing what to do to help my son. Thank God we are out the other side now. It was hard but until we got outside help we weren’t getting anywhere. In my case I had to give my son an ultimatum that he see the doctor or I couldn’t support him any more. I was literally begging him and eventually, after years, he agreed to ask for the help he needed. I hope and pray you will find help and strength.
You’re welcome Smig – btw CBD oil can be helpful and doesn’t have the potentially harmful component of weed.
One other little thing I remembered when reading your post, my son told me that it was really unhelpful and stressful for him to see me so worried all the time. Again, this took time, but I did learn to focus less on my worries and more on other things in my own life and this did help.
All the very best xx
You’re welcome Smig – btw CBD oil can be helpful and doesn’t have the potentially harmful component of weed.
One other little thing I remembered when reading your post, my son told me that it was really unhelpful and stressful for him to see me so worried all the time. Again, this took time, but I did learn to focus less on my worries and more on other things in my own life and this did help.
All the very best xx
Hi Smig
This just popped up on my email and I haven’t posted for ages on the site as, thankfully, things have turned around for my son for the moment. I suppose the only advice I can offer you is that every case is different and I think you’e very wise to be concerned if your son is prone to anxiety and depression. My two boys are now 23 and 21 and it was only my older son who ended up with a serious problem with weed. My younger son is an occasional user now and is fine with it. They both live away from home.
I don’t think trying to get them all to stop is going to be very effective to be honest, especially as their dad has joined the gang! If I were you I would try to show as much interest as you can in what is going on for your son in general as opposed to the behaviour (ie smoking weed). If you see signs of anxiety I would name those signs, I notice you’re…. and then just listen or wait and see if he opens up at all.
From my experience this took a long time and my son got to a very worrying place. Eventually I gave him an ultimatum and he finally agreed to go to the doctor and seek help. Then gradually everything changed. It wasn’t easy for him by any means but he went through it and is now doing ok and has learned the hard way that weed does not suit him and he can’t have it.
My heart goes out to you, it’s very hard to watch your child suffer and I hope it doesn’t go that way for your son but if it does, don’t despair, there’s a way back.
Wishing you and your family all the very best.
Anita
Linda, I’m so so sorry for what you’re going through. I admire your strength and courage and I believe you are doing the right thing, the only thing, you can do. Your son loves you, that’s clear and it’s what matters. I hope and pray he will get the help he desperately needs.
We are dealing with a lot of mental health issues with my son which is hard and heartbreaking at times but I’m very thankful that we seem to be on a road that might take him to a better place.
Very best wishes xx
Linda, sorry for the pain your son and you are going through. Prayers and thoughts for you both. I agree with Lindyloo, you are doing the right thing. All you can do is be there, keep loving your boy and do your best to look after yourself too. Keep finding the positives however small they seem????
Oh God Linda, you’ve been through so much, thankfully it sounds like things are starting to work out. Mind yourself and I will remember to say a prayer for you and your son too. Thank you too for sharing x
Thank you Mum46, I can totally relate to what you say about your son, the social anxiety, using cannabis to help with the pain of his feelings, it has taken years for my son to get to the stage of getting help. He’s nearly 23. I think they have to get to a rock bottom to agree to help, it has been a long struggle and I know we’re not there yet but it feels like a huge step. I know you won’t give up on your son, keep going, keep the message that help is out there and I pray your son will agree to help. Btw, the first step my son took was with an addiction counsellor on a phone help line a few weeks ago when I assured him it wasn’t a psychologist!!
An update and I hope a message of hope…. The day I last posted ended up a very scary day, it was day 3 no weed. In the end I got some as my son was a danger to himself. We agreed to split it into 4 days (previous week we had divided the bag into 3) and again I would keep it and give it to him each day. Symptoms built up over the days but it wasn’t too bad until he decided that he wanted to go without, not do another weaning off week as I had thought. By the second day of no weed I was so anxious (withdrawal symptoms getting so frightening again, I had just got back from work on Friday afternoon) I gave him an ultimatum – either we get weed and I divide it up smaller this time or he goes to the doctor that day.
He eventually, and only after I literally begged him, agreed to go. We had to wait 40 mins to go in which was almost unbearable… anyway we went, we were sent to the hospital from there for an emergency assessment, got anti psychotic medication, phone calls from mental health nurse over the weekend and an appointment with the mental health team on Tuesday.
He had his first night in about a month without horrible nightmares on Monday night. Symptoms of paranoia and delusion are gradually diminishing. He has a long way to go to get his self confidence back and to stay off the weed. But I’m hopeful and wanted to share this in case in helps anyone out there who’s going through this experience with a loved one…. Sending love to you and yours
Thank you Linda, absolutely. I’ll keep the prayers going too for our boys. Take care xx
Linda, I pray our boys will get the help they need to get themselves out of this spiral. We are on day 3 no weed. Last night his friend came over and he had around 8 cans, couldn’t sleep, shouting at the top of his voice this morning at 6am. I got him to talk to the out of hours medical team at around 10 but he’s well able to talk to them and convince them he’s OK, and they won’t do anything unless he asks for help. So it’s just a case of waiting and praying ????????
Hope things are going OK Pixie. It’s so frustrating when things seem to be going well and then it can all change again. I have my son home from college and it’s good to have him close by but difficult to watch him going through the highs and lows and resisting professional help. We agreed the other day that he would hand his weed over to me, divided into amounts to be given to him each day in an attempt to wean him gradually off the addiction. I have no idea if it will work! First three days were good then he ran out yesterday and by evening was very agitated, talking non-stop, verbally abusive at times, but not as bad as I’ve seen him before where he would literally be shouting at the top of his voice out the window at nobody in particular. So there is a bit of light showing for us but the tunnel still feels long!!
Linda, thank you. I’m bracing myself for what’s ahead but I know I have to be firm and mean what I say. I take comfort from your strength. I’ll be reading your words again and again when I need to remember to stick to my boundaries.
I hope your son goes with the help.
Thanks again, all the best to you and your son. A. Xx