[annie09]

I just dont understand the escort service? It’s just disgusting how you could pay for it when you have so much love and connection at home? Being on cocaine and it completely changing you is the only excuse he has, and I sort of get that, but how can you ever trust and regain physical intimacy after that?

Prostitutes and drugs come hand in hand, so I know that’s the easiest way to get them, but it makes me become an extremely paranoid and crazy person. I dont know how you can trust them after that.

I know how you feel, they were sober when they made the plans, they must know how it would end up. I dont know if we’re fools for wanting them still or just really good, optimistic people. Drugs change people, but you hear the success stories and you hope.

I think if they changed right now and did everything in their power to change and to make it up to you then its worth it. If they show they really love you. I hope your husband does that for you. Being a single mum is scary, being in a toxic relationship is scarier. But you cant switch off from loving someone, despite everything I still want him to get better and to come back to how we were, as I’m sure you do. I dont know what we can do. But with the world changing and opening, it seems like a good time for an ending and a new beginning or a completely fresh start

[annie09]

Hi,

What do you mean it sneaks up? As in you get the thought in your head and it suddenly takes hold? You dont have to answer as I understand its tough, I’m just trying to understand so I know how to support as I dont know why he doesn’t talk to me when it comes into his head and I could remind him why not to do it.

I think you’re taking a really positive step, it must be so hard to read how families are coping. And trying to help them as well. It’s a courageous thing to do, you seem determined and I hope you have people around to help you?

[annie09]

Hi,

I’m in a similar situation. My partner has had an addiction for 10 plus years.

He needs to admit he has a problem, and it sounds like he may just be saying that but not really believing it.

At the moment he still has a loving wife, children, a job, home etc. I think sometimes people need to lose it all to see how extreme their problem is, and unfortunately it’s only a matter of time before that happens.

I know how hard it is to love someone so much and see them have this other personality because of drugs.

You need to talk to family, someone non judgemental. He is ill and it sounds like hes fighting with himself. But you need to keep yourself sane and once people know, more people can help and support and may suggest things you didnt think of. I also think CA is brilliant and has saved so many lives

I hope he gets the help he needs x

[annie09]

Hi Jadeem,

He has admitted to having a problem and intends to do CA. Which I think could save him, but we’ve been here before, and the addiction always wins.

Hes been to rehab, done CA and has had a bit of therapy. I’m not sure what will save him.

I think he still thinks it’s a party, and it’s not, he’s stealing, hanging out with prostitutes getting himself in so much debt, and sitting in a dark room, incredibly paranoid.

It’s just the cheating that’s really done it for me. I want to help him recover, I understand that it wasnt his choice to become a drug addict, but I dont understand how you can cheat on someone when they’re already in so much pain. It was drug fueled, but I never thought he would be capable of that.

Thank you so much for your message, its nice not to feel so alone and have other people who understand xx

[annie09]

Hi Stan,

Thank you for your reply.

He did say that it’s like having 2 versions of himself and he never meant to do it, he was in cocaine mode and didnt think about anyone else. Is that a true representation of how it works?

And he has said he has a problem, he says he will be doing CA and that’s it now. However this is just the cycle and it could be empty promises. I believe everyone can get clean, it may just take a while.

He’s never rude, or mean, and I know that he loves our daughter and wants to get better, but I think his addiction is also telling him that he wants to carry on until he cant anymore.

Thank you for your message, I really really appreciate it. It helps me to understand.

I hope you’re getting the help you need x

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