[anon1987]

Thank you- he’s been clean for longer periods and relapsed before so I’m still cautious even though it’s going well 🙂

You’re not waffling at all, it all makes sense to those of us who have been in this crappy place. It’s very easy to look at someone else’s situation and see that getting out is best, it’s another thing when you’re in it.

Do you have anyone that you can talk to? Totally understand re mental health- I started a thread earlier asking for advice about getting help as I just don’t know where to start! Don’t know about you but I don’t feel like I recognise myself anymore.

Hope you get some sleep, really do understand that feeling when you just don’t know where they are or what they are doing.

xxx

[anon1987]

Amazing. Thank you for sharing & keep going x

[anon1987]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it’s so tough isn’t it. I don’t have the answers but really know what you mean about feeling tired and drained.

I am still with my husband because we had a child together by the time I found out he was an addict. My husband is in recovery and has been for a good few months but you can’t switch off once you’ve been through what we have, so I’m constantly checking up on him and he hates it so our relationship isn’t good.

If you want children I would really consider getting yourself out but I appreciate how hard that is. Sending love to you x

[anon1987]

Icarus Trust, I emailed again and also tried to contact through the website but still no response. Not sure what I’m doing wrong 🙁

[anon1987]

Thanks for your prayers, I really appreciate that. He has started some online CA groups and had a job interview today so fingers crossed. Hope all is well with you x

[anon1987]

Sorry I’ve nothing helpful to say but just sending love to you. Every phase brings new problems and questions doesn’t it. Hope you have some support xx

[anon1987]

Really resonate with what both you & KellyA have said except me and my son are still living with my husband. My worry is that it would just get worse if we split. He is still a good dad at the moment (except financially) and as we don’t argue in front of our toddler and he does come home every night etc I decided to stay and try to support him a bit longer. My main concern is if I leave I won’t be happy with unsupervised contact and the legal battle that will cause. None of my family or friends knows what’s going on.

[anon1987]

I’m so pleased you have been able to move on and I really hope things continue to get better for you. A new start sounds amazing. I just don’t think it can happen for me. I will forever be linked to my husband by our little boy. At the moment with us living together I can look after all of our finances (the tiny bit we have…) and make sure I am the main caregiver for our son. If I left I would have no control over that and I can just see it being a messy court battle. My husband has been using again since losing his job a few weeks back so feels like we’re back to square one.

I feel like I need some help but I just don’t know what’s there when you have literally no money. I’ve emailed Icarus Trust 4 times and no response. How has everything else got through this? Mentally and financially. I look and feel like I’ve aged 10 years in the last 2.

[anon1987]

Really hope his recovery goes well. I really do understand the loneliness and isolation. Take care.

[anon1987]

Thank you, appreciate you sharing your experience & I’m so pleased for you for getting clean. It must be really hard to still be resented after you have started to go back to being the person you were before. It is so difficult to return to any kind of ‘normal’ because as the partner of an addict you are analysing constantly.

Definitely not taking my eye off the ball but just finding it exhausting. I want to just focus on me and my son but it’s not possible as our finances (or lack of them) are tied together.

[anon1987]

Sorry for my late reply. Thank you for reaching out! Things seem to have stabilised a bit for now my end but it’s always up and down.

I’m really sorry you’re in a similar situation with no-one to talk to. It really does affect your mental health doesn’t it. I can definitely relate about the anxiety and feeling intense panic. How are you doing?

[anon1987]

I’ve tried emailing twice over the last month but haven’t heard back. Is it normal to wait this long for a response? Thanks in advance.

[anon1987]

It’s not been a good day, husband has relapsed recently and I’m just feeling really lonely tonight. Somehow writing it down helps. Sending love to anyone feeling the same.

[anon1987]

Saha7 thanks for your reply. Yes it’s the constant checking and second guessing that’s so exhausting isn’t it. I don’t know if you feel the same but my husband just lies about daft things all the time that don’t even matter, like lying is just second nature now. So difficult to trust them again. Sending love!

[anon1987]

Really appreciate you taking the time to reply & I’m really sorry you’re going through this too.

It’s the manipulation and lies that’s so difficult isn’t it? So many excuses that almost sound plausible and turning it around to make you feel you’re the paranoid one in the wrong. I definitely don’t think I’ve got over that!

You’re right, we do have a lot on our plate. I know all the leaflets say to focus on yourself but it’s hard when you have to be on top of the money! We are in debt and if he starts using again we wouldn’t have enough to pay the mortgage etc so I have to focus on him and what he’s doing to make sure we have a home. I feel like I probably do need some help to sort my head out but it’s more about coming to terms with it all. Glad I found this forum.

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