[bailey33]

Hi CherryB

I have just finished a 15 year relationship due to his cocaine addiction that has only gotten worse since it started five years ago.

I didn’t tell anyone for a long time, at least my family anyway as almost all of his family & friends take it too!

I’m four weeks into our separation and over the past couple of days my anxiety has eased, my appetites coming back, I’ve lost over a stone in a month.

I have four children to think about and a new career but what really bought closure for me was the fact he came to visit his children the weekend and just before leaving I heard him sniff coke up his nose in my kitchen. That was it for me! It still hurts and will for a while but I refuse to let my mental health decline anymore, I refuse to lose anymore sleep, I refuse to second guess if he has or hasn’t had it, I refuse to watch him destroy himself.

I’m a big fan of quotes lately, they seem to really hit me. There’s one I love and it says:

“I broke my own heart, to save my soul. There’s not a thing you can tell me about self-love that I don’t already know”

Sorry your going through this. It’s shit! Do what’s right for you, put yourself first. X

[bailey33]

Hi Emjay

No he’s been back and forth to see the kids. He’s just vile when he hasn’t had that and not when he has.

I had nothing but good intentions for him. I actually feel sad for him now more than anything.

Kids are good. The house is peaceful. I love my job. Hope your okay?

Xx

[bailey33]

Hi Emjay

He’s took his stuff and gone.

He said he works, got a pay rise this week, if he wants to go out Friday and do whatever he can. (It’s not just Friday tho)

I said your an addict. He said so what.

I start my job tomorrow. My anxiety is explosive today. My stomach hasn’t stopped churning. Hope your okay? X

[bailey33]

I have just been reading through your previous posts. My troubles seem so small compared to what you’ve been through. You seem so strong and courageous.

There’s so much you say I relate too. I also feel like my mental health is declining. Checking surfaces in my kitchen all the time. Checking pockets. Looking for texts on his phone relating to drugs. Wondering what he’s doing in another room all the time. I hate it. It’s not me.

I won’t contact him tonight or tomorrow. I’ll let him get on with it. Hopefully I will sleep.

Thank you. I will try. Take care xx

[bailey33]

Thank you for your reply Emjay.

A decade 🙁 how did you cope with it? What was the final straw for you? He makes out he doesn’t pay for it. I don’t actually see money being spent on it from his bank but what dealer/friend is going to constantly just give it away. He thinks because he doesn’t pay for it, it’s okay. I care about his health not the money.

He took his sister to see their dad tonight as it’s his birthday then rang me an hour ago saying he’s had a drink but not sniff can I pick him up. I told him no and to stay where he is.

I don’t want this life. My children deserve better.

Thank you ????

[Author]

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