[bays]

This sounds very harsh. But you need to leave him. You have done all you can. He won’t change unless he wants to.

Someone said those exact words to me 68 days ago and I was still in turmoil and didn’t know what to do.

Instead days after this guy said that I paid for him to have private rehab.

One week in and we separated- he blamed me for his cocaine use. He even admitted he did it on our wedding day 7 years ago, still blaming me.

Saying I was a nag, trying to control his drink. I didn’t even know he was taking cocaine until this year. He has been doing it for the past 11 years and only this year he became addicted to it taking £500 per day. He even tried to commit suicide a few times.

There were times when I would drive around at midnight looking for him. I reported him as a missing person twice. I tried to get him sectioned. Nothing worked and it went on for 5 months.

I questioned whether it really was me and was I that bad to live with?

I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and now I’m on anxiety tablets full time because my panic attacks were getting out of control.

Now he is a very small part of my life. He got out of rehab. Told me he wasn’t paying me a penny back of the £10,000

He took my car

He now refuses to pay child maintenance and half the bills.

He rarely asks about our 9 year child

He stays in different hotels each week and plays golf whenever he feels like it.

He definitely got a whole new life and I’m left picking up the broken heart of our son, caring for two dogs, the terrible mess he left our house in when he was trying to renovate it whilst he was high (he is a builder)

He has therapy four times a week including NA AA, counselling and aftercare from his private rehab centre, and me and our son, nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he isn’t dead and I think he isn’t using anymore,

But it shows who or what they can become.

If I could re-do it all again – I would

Have packed my bags the day he told me and I would never have had any contact with him ever again.

I wish you the beat of luck

But please put yourself first

He clearly has no intentions of changing

[bays]

Hi Matt and hi everyone

Ive seen the other side. I’m the wife and soon to be ex-wife and who has full responsibility of a 9 year old, a big house, two dogs and a full time job.

He is now off cocaine, but he put me and my son at risk 100s of times over the years. He even spent £40k on the stuff.

You can get there. I did pay for private rehab, but he said that AA and NA was what really helped him change his life around.

He has changed as a person and he is still aggressive by nature and still sends me vile messages but I guess he is hurting that our 9 year old no longer wants a relationship with him.

You can turn your life around if you are willing to do it. You need to throw yourself into your recovery and start a whole new chapter in your life and that includes new friends, family and new surroundings.

I wish you the best of luck

[Author]

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