[becky90]

Thankyou for your reply, I was having such a bad day and your message really helped. I hope you’re doing okay? X

[becky90]

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re in this position, I’m in a similar situation. Please don’t believe the ‘it’s all your fault’ rubbish, it’s not your fault, I get the same sometimes so I understand how draining it is. I get ‘you’re so boring’ ‘you just control me so much it’s my only release’ etc. Is the house in your name or both? Does he have anywhere to go?

As awful as it sounds, I would consider leaving before you get any further involved (kids, marriage etc). I would have left a long time ago if I didn’t have children with my partner. Look after yourself x

[becky90]

Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through a similar time. I think you’re right, it will definitely get easier. I hope that you are doing okay, I am feeling much more positive today. Look after yourself x

[becky90]

Well done Dan, your family must be so proud of you. Such a huge achievement, congratulations 🙂

[becky90]

It’s crazy how similar their behaviour is, even down to the car on finance, my other half has made 2 payments in over a year, used covid payment holidays as an excuse but he didn’t need them. He’s also in other debt too.

I’m so sorry to hear that your anxiety has been bad, I’m glad you’re feeling a bit stronger now. Take some time for yourself when you can.

[becky90]

It must be hard when you should be able to enjoy the new baby bubble and you have the extra stress. It does make you sad for the kids sake too doesn’t it, my partner told the kids he was going to see them early last week and then let them down saying he was unwell, my daughter said to me after “I bet he’s not ill really, why does he lie so much and let us down”. It broke my heart. He does see them regularly, when he’s using he obviously doesn’t see them but they dont understand why.

It is really hard to ignore them when they message etc especially when they are asking for help but like you I feel so much healthier when he isn’t here and having to worry constantly.

No he isn’t living here anymore, I asked him to move out a year ago. He did do it last night, he denied it at first but has now admitted it. He said if I won’t let him come home he will sleep in his car outside so I know he isn’t doing anything. I have told him if he doesn’t want to get professional help then I can no longer help him and I’ve left it at that.

[becky90]

Hi, you replied to me on another post but I thought I’d reply on here instead as it gets a bit confusing otherwise.

It’s so difficult isn’t it, have you heard from him yet? I go through the exact same emotions, when he is doing well I just want him to come home and for us to be a family but when he uses I don’t want him around me or the kids. I think you’re right all we can do is keep going for the children.

My partner is/was clean since last Friday but I’m pretty sure he done something last night. He usually turns off his Internet at night, but when he’s using he turns it off to look like he has gone to bed and then turns it back on when he knows I’ll be asleep. My son woke up so I checked whatsapp and my messages are all now delivered. Its draining isn’t it.

Congratulations on your little one!

[becky90]

Sounds good will give it a go. Thanks ????

[becky90]

Thankyou so much, I had a pretty awful day yesterday, I think it all got too much but today was a good day. I feel much more positive today. Unfortunately my family are so anti drugs that they just wouldn’t be able to understand me sticking by him. They are totally amazing but they aren’t even social drinkers so they just would not understand.

How are you getting on?

[becky90]

Thankyou so much, I had a pretty awful day yesterday, I think it all got too much but today was a good day. I feel much more positive today. Unfortunately my family are so anti drugs that they just wouldn’t be able to understand me sticking by him. They are totally amazing but they aren’t even social drinkers so they just would not understand.

How are you getting on? X

[becky90]

Yes I guess you’re right, I find it hard to comprehend but he equally finds my emotions hard to understand.

At least you’re taking responsibility for the things you’ve done, it’s a really brave thing to do. I’m sure the best apology for your family is that you are recovering and everything else just helps to rebuild the trust along the way.

Yes I will definitely try that, do you use an app?

[becky90]

Haha he has never done anything to make me think it was a possibility either but I thought if nothing else it would shock him into giving me some answers lol.

I’m quite an open book so it baffles me how he can hide his feelings and its even more heartbreaking that he’s probably suffering alone.

That’s fantastic news, I’m really pleased for you. I’m sure your Mum is really proud of you. The talking will get easier I’m sure and it’s good to get it out. How are things with your partner now?

I had a rough day yesterday, all just got on top of me I think but today was a good day. I’m near London, you?

[becky90]

I actually don’t know the answer, I have asked the same questions myself, not about his family (as far as I can tell they are lovely people but not very talkative about emotion themselves). I think if anything his parents were much more lenient with him than his siblings.

I have even gone so far as to ask of he is gay and struggling with it. He just insists that there is absolutely no trauma and no big issue, he just partied too much when he was younger and it crept into home life more and more.

I’m sure he must get upset when alone but it’s certainly not something he would share with anyone.

He said something along the lines of.. ‘No I didn’t but you don’t believe me whatever I say, so believe what you want’. I honestly can’t be sure.

How are you doing? X

[becky90]

Hi anon1987 I was just reading your post and I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? I am in a similar situation, my partner has in the last year admitted he is dependant too. I totally understand how you feel, I have horrible anxiety and recently panic attacks too. His family know but they are stick their hand in the sand types and so I have no-one to talk to as I am too ashamed to tell my family.

I am here if you need to chat.

[becky90]

The problem with the groups is that he ‘doesn’t do talking’. Even though we have been together 10 years everything with him is on a need to know basis and always has been, he doesn’t like to show weakness and he believes that showing any emotion is weak. I’ve never once seen him cry, even during all of this.

He has spoken about getting a new phone number but its always when I have said that I give up on him and he never actually does it. I have been everything from understanding and sympathetic to taking his keys and getting angry but nothing seems to work. I’m not a push over but its so difficult to know how to react to him when he is like that.

He came over early this morning to see the children, I didn’t have have heart to turn him away and as you say I have a feeling it will make it worse if I do. I just don’t know how many more chances I can give him.

A song came on in the car earlier and he turned it off and said he couldn’t listen to that so it does seem as though he recognises some triggers but he just seems to ignore them a lot.

Thanks so much for listening.

[Author]

Posts