[bellapop]

It pains me to read this and say this.. but I echo everything the members above have said. My husband and I have been together 13 years, every single time I let my guard down he does it again and ruins what we have. It’s torture!! Pure, painful and utterly exhausting torture. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy! We have a beautiful family and a (from the outside) good life.. but he destroys it day in day out with his lies, manipulation and manic episodes.

only you know what you are going to do but please think about it in depth. Trust your instincts and look after yourself. We genuinely only get one life, please don’t waste as many years of it as we have xxx

[bellapop]

Hello everyone, I’m sorry to hear everyone’s going through this is absolutely horrific. I can’t mine yesterday using, The worst part of it is he was at my grandma‘s house fixing her floor… I arrived after a long day of work turn the tell-tale sound that he’d been using was that he came over and give me a kiss that never happens. He admitted it after some heavy probing, he said his life is boring and that he can’t do anything!! So tonight my daughter had a dance show at school, we attended and went for dinner after… He orders a pint. Hasn’t drunk for nearly 90 days and I knew that this Will be the start of the spiral. He’s now stayed out and I’m alone heartbroken again knowing what is going to happen. I just feel trapped, traumatised and I don’t know what to do. I actually hate my life, I have so many good things going for me yet I can’t see any of them with him around. I’m feel worthless and like I am a constant nag. Is this really living?

[bellapop]

Hello both ☺️

lorry, I am so sorry to hear you’re going through this, I really am! I absolutely hate addiction! How are you? Sending all my love your way xxxx

 

Fayzey ❤️ I must say I’m happy to hear from you, even through these circumstances. I’m happy to hear that you’re life is less challenging and chaotic… in many ways I wish that was mine.

things are bleak here, all week we avoid each other and all weekend we clash and row and rip chunks from each other emotionally. He walked up the three peaks today, was really proud of himself… then came home and started big time on me. Tonight it was cause the kids and I had a bath before him… honestly!!! A bath!!! This  resulted in him blowing up, screaming at me at how he can’t stand me, making me cry and now sitting upstairs not giving a damn. Im sleeping on the sofa. I actually think I preferred him before recovery cause this is a mind f**k. He genuinely doesn’t give a …. About me and treats me like I’m nothing. Doesn’t come near me, doesn’t speak to me unless he’s shouting at me. Im at breaking point and I’m going to end up blowing!!

sorry about all this, I hope your weekend is much better than mine xxxx

[bellapop]

Fayzey ☹️ Firstly.. I am so terribly sorry that we both find ourselves here AGAIN!!! I haven’t posted for a while either but it never stops does it? Same old same old! I’m devastated to read what you’re going through again. And I am also losing hope, in fact I think this time I’ve lost hope!
I’m sorry that I can’t offer much advice on the subject, I just wanted to let you know that (unfortunately) you’re not alone.

xxxx

 

[bellapop]

Sorry that it posted twice, he’s doing it alone ???? thinks that he can manage if he doesn’t drink

[bellapop]

He can’t see that this is the cocaine talking.. he thinks the whole world is against him. I’m starting to see a real pattern of nasty behaviour when he’s coming off it. It’s been an awful journey, he’s been taking it since he was 16, he’s now 35. I’ve only known for the past 3 years and he’s in and out of recovery this whole time. I’m just exhausted tbh. Thank you for your kind words xx

[bellapop]

He can’t see that this is the cocaine talking.. he thinks the whole world is against him. I’m starting to see a real pattern of nasty behaviour when he’s coming off it. It’s been an awful journey, he’s been taking it since he was 16, he’s now 35. I’ve only known for the past 3 years and he’s in and out of recovery this whole time. I’m just exhausted tbh. Thank you for your kind words xx

[bellapop]

And thank you kulstar, I have read your amazing story and I was blown away. Your family is very fortunate that you finally saw what’s important ❤️ Did you ever become resentful to your wife afterwards?

Good luck with the 10k 🙂

[bellapop]

Thank you all for your kind and understanding replies. I’m sorry to those that are having the same problems. I honestly don’t know what I would do without this group.

I feel like we both just resent each other.. and it is exhausting! It’s impossible to juggle work, kids after school clubs and the normal daily chores whilst having an indirect battle between us. Constant jibes at each other, and nothing positive to contribute.

He’s still in bed, he’s worse than the kids! My brain is just scrambled. I feel like my life is Jekyll and Hyde… I wing it ALL WEEK pretending everything is perfect… and then after work and weekends I sink and get constant abuse thrown my way.

I think I’ve reached my limits. Does it get better? Xxx

[bellapop]

Thank you for replying Lindy loo, I haven’t read their story.. I would like to but I can’t seem to find it.

I hope your son is doing well, I’m so happy he’s managed to stay strong so far ❤️

I just feel overwhelmed, I can’t do anything right. It’s like living with two different people. One minute (his terms) he’s okay… the next absolutely dreadful. Like hurtful and cruel.

When he was regularly using, he was up most of the time, he was happy and could manage day to day. The only downs he had was obviously the come downs. Now… he’s never happy. I just don’t think I can do this any longer. I’m so envious of my work colleagues when they talk of going home and having a bottle of wine and cuddle on the sofa with their hubby. My life seems to be getting worse and worse with him. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my three beautiful children, my dog and amazing job I don’t know what I would do!!

I hate this.. so much x

[bellapop]

I’m sorry I’ve been quiet… life, you know how it is. How are you all doing?

Mine has been absolutely t total.. not a drop of alcohol or drugs. But BOY is he miserable. He’s actually impossible to be around.. snapping, causing arguments, shouting, slamming doors and even sleeping on the sofa.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore… it’s like something has switched in him, he’s literally awful. Do you girls know why this may be?

I hope you’re all okay? Xxxx

[bellapop]

Hello all ❤️ It awful to say but I’m happy to hear from you all, I hate this situation we’re all in.

Thank you all for the kind words, it means a lot from you guys… especially as nobody else gets it.

Honestly? I feel like I’m living in a weird dream… not a good one. I’ve gone manic with cleaning and organising everything.. throwing things out and just focusing on the kids and doggo. He’s upset, says he’s never drinking again… says he’s going for help. I actually caught him on a zoom yesterday with CA, just listening in to what they had to say. It’s a start… he’s emailed some places, starting playing football again and is saying everything right. It’s just… I feel numb. And sad, and relieved? Strangely.

It’s great to hear from you all, how are you all? Xxx

[bellapop]

I wish you didn’t feel worthless, that’s so sad!! You’ve been in a horrible situation that would make anyone feel worthless.. but now it’s your time to shine. He’s doing you a favour in the long run by being so abrupt.. he’s ripped the bandaid off so that you now won’t have any regrets. He’s taken full control of the situation… so you now can take control of your life. Do some soul searching… find out what makes you tick and go after it!!

I’m excited for you, but also know that this will be a really long and painful road. Keep looking for those positives.

How are you feeling today? Xxx

[bellapop]

How absolutely horrible!! I’m so upset reading this, you must feel so robbed of everything. I’ve read a lot of stories on here… but this one is truly one of the most unfair that I have read. You should have no regrets though, you’ve been there for this man through probably the hardest time of his life… if he doesn’t want to see it flourish through the good times then it honestly is his loss. You’ve stuck by him when honestly most wouldn’t.

Look after you now, find what makes you tick… start a new hobby and keep giving yourself little treats. Get out there, make new friends by doing things you normally wouldn’t and going places. If he can’t see what a diamond he’s lost then more fool him. But you need to keep going ❤️

I really hope you’re having a nice weekend ???? xxxx

[bellapop]

Hello ladies,

I just wanted to check in on you all this weekend.. we know weekends are usually pretty good at triggering things. I hope you’re all okay? How is everyone?

Mine has been sober now a couple of weeks, we’ve settled back into married life but he has literally just worked and slept this whole week. He’s been absolutely distracted and distant… this is normal for him.. bouts of crazy energy for days, really positive! And then big lows that last days/weeks… can only do the absolute bare minimum. It’s absolutely exhausting isn’t it? I went out shopping today with the kids and just left him to it… to sleep all day. Grim! Any of yours do this? I believe that he isn’t actively taking… but I think the need to do it is affecting him Xxxx

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