[bellapop]

Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️❤️ It’s honestly the worst time of my life!! I keep looking at things like the bin needing to go out.. and I’m like ‘he’ll do it when he’s home’ then reality smacks me!! He’s not coming home. I actually feel really lonely!

Now he’s gone I’m thinking ‘was it really that bad?’ He’s a great guy.. I mean really great!! I feel so lost!!

Do you have any updates from your husband Fayzey? Xxxxx

[bellapop]

Telling the kids was absolutely dreadful, I just kept it simple and said that we both love them and it’s for the best that daddy lives at nanas for now.

Do you both feel like me? Like your emotions completely rely on theirs? So when he’s up it’s great!! When he’s down I feel it.. when he’s sad I feel it… but my emotions never come into play.

Luckily people have been supportive, they all know what he’s like.. but their support makes me push away from them if that makes sense? I don’t want to hear how bad he is, how he’s this and that. He’s my husband!! I love him with all my heart!!

I’m exactly where you are fazey right now… I wish I didn’t find the text and I wish I was more able to be supportive. I wish I didn’t feel so bad about it and I was able to turn a blind eye… I’m not sure what’s worse… living with it or living without him ???? xxxx

[bellapop]

You’re absolutely spot on… we should be enjoying our children 🙁 not focusing on this!! I’m sorry that you’ve had a rubbish day, mine didn’t go to work today either. Who needs days of sleep though really?

I’ve heard that same line too.. I’m not supportive. It’s one of my biggest fears, That he recovers and looks back thinking he didn’t have my support. I would bend over backwards again and again for him.

Stick to your guns financially, I’ve done the same thing and I’ve never been in trouble financially before. He would try get me to borrow all sorts from the bank… he earns a really good salary… yet borrows £500 per month off his parents every month!! Secretly!

I hope you manage to rest tonight and have some peace. Xxx

[bellapop]

When he came around he just seemed really put out tbh.. like it was all an inconvenience. He came, packed…. Told me it’s for the best and left without a goodbye. The rest of the day has been a blur. I’m so sorry you’re both going through this too!!

There’s really no way back for me now.. I’ve told the kids, my mum, close friends and family. So why does it hurt even more now? I am literally up and down like a yo-yo.. one minute I’m all ‘I can do this!!!’ The next I’m absolutely on my knees silently sobbing in the bathroom with the shower on to muffle my sobs. My ring finger is still dented in from wearing it for all these years… it’s all absolutely awful!!

I’m so sorry he’s text you that… is this out of character for him?? Where’s your head at with it all ???????? I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy xxxx

[bellapop]

And he came today and bagged everything he owns into his car. It’s absolutely horrible x

[bellapop]

Fayze I’ve had the same tonight, I think the reality has hit home. What on earth is this man!! This is like torture!! He’s been so stubborn all day saying it’s definitely over forever… and then saying things tonight like ‘well I have nothing now’ and ‘I don’t know what’s right or wrong I’m lost’ wtf! Is this the reality check after the come down?? It’s so much easier being angry.

I’m really struggling today, I’ve been to my gp and they have upped my antidepressants. Thankfully I’m not at work until September now, I have just stared into space and functioned to the bare minimum for the kids.

How are you both doing? As rubbish as our situations are, I’m really thankful for this forum xxxx

[bellapop]

Hello purpleheart and fayze,

I’ve had an absolutely horrific night. Our son has been awake all night being sick (still is now) and I reached out to him to let him know… he left me on read and then blocked me on WhatsApp.

I have since found out that he hasn’t gone into work as he’s coming here to collect all his things properly. (Sleep In at his mums until he’s ready to face the day without me hassling him to wake up) what the actual hell? Part of me is like good riddance, I’ll pack for you and you can just pick it up and leave. The other part is like wow is this it? 12 years together and 4 married and he can genuinely just turn on us?

The detective work has destroyed me to the point where I don’t even know who I am anymore without him and worrying about him and what he’s doing. It’s probably for the best that he is like this as I know I would never be able to trust him.. but wow! I am actually heartbroken, he’s not a bad guy, he’s an amazing dad too! I feel like I’m dying inside. Xxx

[bellapop]

Hello purpleheart and fayze,

I’ve had an absolutely horrific night. Our son has been awake all night being sick (still is now) and I reached out to him to let him know… he left me on read and then blocked me on WhatsApp.

I have since found out that he hasn’t gone into work as he’s coming here to collect all his things properly. (Sleep In at his mums until he’s ready to face the day without me hassling him to wake up) what the actual hell? Part of me is like good riddance, I’ll pack for you and you can just pick it up and leave. The other part is like wow is this it? 12 years together and 4 married and he can genuinely just turn on us?

The detective work has destroyed me to the point where I don’t even know who I am anymore without him and worrying about him and what he’s doing. It’s probably for the best that he is like this as I know I would never be able to trust him.. but wow! I am actually heartbroken, he’s not a bad guy, he’s an amazing dad too! I feel like I’m dying inside. Xxx

[bellapop]

It’s absolutely horrific!! I’m the exact same, go to work.. sort the kids, walk the dog… inside I am dying!! He used to have patches where he was a great husband, kind and thoughtful.. that has now disappeared and he is snappy, nasty and really evil with his words.

It’s sad but I would actually take him back and keep going through this same cycle with the hope that one day I will trust him again and he will change. I’m petrified that he will become the person I fell in love with and sort himself out without me. But how can I live like that? Waiting around… would he wait for me if the shoe was on the other foot? I massively doubt it.

Has he ever done anything like this before?? Storm out and demand money? Do you think he will come home?

We absolutely do deserve to be happy, I’m just so sorry you guys are both going through this too xxxx

[bellapop]

You absolutely have taken the important first step!! Something inside is telling you this isn’t right for you anymore, I applaud you for this! Is there anyone you can confide in? A loved one? A friend? I only wish my husband would have yhe same realisation that you’ve had, you’ve got this!!!! Xx

[bellapop]

I can’t believe how alike we are!! This is very scary!! Everything you’ve said about being physical, financial trouble and refusal to get help. I’ve just had my son come into my room and tell me how much he knows something is wrong and that Dad is the best. How heartbreaking!!!!!!!!! This is truly my worst nightmare!

I honestly don’t even know what to do anymore! The sad thing is I would take him back in a heartbeat if he came home and asked me. I’d put up with the s..t!! I’m such a weak human I hate it xxx

[bellapop]

I’m really proud of you for admitting this, most wouldn’t!! My husband for one is still in denial and our marriage is in tatters.

It’s easy for me to say, but I believe you can do this!! Do you have people to fight for?? What’s your situation x

[bellapop]

I’m actually heartbroken to discover how many people are suffering like I am in this horrific situation. I genuinely can’t believe it!! I’m so sorry, I would give anything for us not to be in this!!

How are you feeling fayze? Do you think he will come home? Mine has blocked me and is living it up at his mums house. I haven’t the strength to tell the kids where he is.. I’ve just said he’s working late. Why does this all fall on me? It’s actually so unfair.

I’m thinking of you both, thank you for your kind words xxxx

[bellapop]

And I know exactly what you mean about jumping ship when he’s actually clean… that’s where my head is at right now!! He’s left and I’m like what could I of done to help? What more could I of said? Maybe if I’d of been kinder, more understanding…. But I couldn’t. And if he chooses to get clean without me.. I guess me helping him wasn’t meant to be. What a head f… it all is x

[bellapop]

I honestly could’ve written your post myself!! It’s scary how similar this is!! Mine has now stopped saying he’ll get better… he did at first and for a long time after. The more I accepted him back the more it was my fault for the crappy marriage. I will take the blame for my coldness, my lack of trust and my constant watching him… but I wasn’t like this before all of this. I was happy and bubbly. I’m damaged and traumatised.

I’ve never taken drugs, So I really don’t understand… but the hold this has on his mind is petrifying. Also, mine doesn’t get up in a morning either, he works and gets up for work.. but comes home and naps all day after work and sleeps in until midday on weekends. It’s miserable!

I can’t imagine walking out on my family, going back to my mums and blocking the person I’m married to. How can he do that?

I hear you loud and clear when you say you can’t believe he’s the person you’ve been with 15 years, it’s traumatising! all those times we’ve been for a meal, away in hotels and just sat at home with a bottle of wine… all drug fuelled benders that I was stupidly unaware of.

I hate what he’s doing to me.

Thank you for being here, I can’t tell you how much it helps. I genuinely hope that you guys can sort it out cause it’s actually petrifying. Xxxx

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