Thank you so much for your reply Mammyessex, I can feel your hurt in your message, especially with the understanding I have for being alone with your 8 month old. We build our lives around the people we love and as you put it so perfectly, we had no say in this, it feels like someone else, a stranger even, has taken control of the decisions we could have made or would want to have made if given the choice. It truly does leave you absolutely powerless. I don’t know if you feel the resentment at times that I feel, I don’t want to hinder his possible recovery, so I’m keeping that separate from when we have to communicate, as best I can but truthfully I know I have to work through all the hurt and pain and all the lies for myself and for my son. All this whilst trying not to feel too guilty about not being ready to face him completely yet or forgive. Is that the same for you or have you reached a different point?
You are right, we are not alone and that brings great comfort to me as this is the very first time I’ve interacted with someone who understands the alienation and loneliness of these absolutley devastating and tragic circumstances experiencing it in real time. I do now realise though, that there are more people in this difficult position.
I am learning more and more about the gaslighting and manipulation, him starting arguments I thought were my fault, so he could go and use. The creeping feeling of humiliation when considering what other people, his friends and other parents must think now it has all fallen apart. My life got smaller and smaller, I must find my confidence again now and like you said, start to put myself and son first. ????
