[bexdean]

Hi Everyone

Thanks in adv for reading. I am also struggling. I have deleted the dealers number, that was brave. My husband and I used to use occasionally as it would give us the kind of high to chat more and deeply (he doesn’t chat otherwise.. ) and way better intimacy. My habit has now spiralled out of control, he doesn’t know that I have my own little stash, it’s awful, I feel ashamed of myself. I have been doing it very often and sometimes during the day. It sorts me out in a way I can’t describe. I have an addictive personality but I can be days and weeks without touching alcohol. What triggers my thirst for alcohol is coke. If I haven’t got coke, I don’t need a drink. I am worried that I won’t be able to get out of this vicious circle because I feel that without that high and chattiness, it’s all too dull to bear and now with lockdown is worse. He won’t use anymore, we made that promise on nye and we have been rowing constantly. He is unaware that I have. He had a drinking problem though and anger issues, I feel very depressed and I don’t know who to turn to, thank you, it’s been great to know that I am not alone.

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