[brian]

Hi Gary,
If you pay his debts, even to his dealer, you are enabling him to continue. My son owed money, and had been threatened with violence, I would not give him money. Let him go, as awful as that is. While you are there with such support he will lie, steal, take drugs and destroy you and your family. I ‘enabled’ my son through love support and care. Stop enabling and there willl be a chance to get him back. It will be heartbreaking, but as soon as I accepted it was all his choice and put the responsibility on his shoulders, after awhile there was a slow improvement. Its only been a week, but its been a good week.

[brian]

I agree so much with@cant take no more’ I have learnt that you have to let them go. They know they are loved that we as parents would lay down and die for them. However, as hard as it is, let them go, pray and wait. When they do come back take things slowly, the rtrust may take months or years to build back up. While you are they for them whatever it is a form of enabling them to carry on. They have ownership of the problem they have to take ownership of the solution. Not much help for you at the moment. but i believe that the only chance of saving them is to back off and let them reach rock bottom. Take care Brian

[brian]

Gary, do not lose hope !!!!!! ive been there and it can get better, but its up to your son, let him make mistakes (as hard as it is) let him get to an all time low. My son ended up in hospital overdosing on cocaine. But very slowly I am seeing glimmersof hope. Your son but has to reach his rock bottom. Show him the lifebelt but dont give it to him until he really wants it.

[brian]

Hi Gary,
Very similiar story to ours. I found out who hes dealers are, son self harmimg and having delusions…seeing an imaginary figure telling him to hurt himself. Im convinced its the weed and cocaine. He is receiving professional help from a drugs counncellor. When i found cannabis in his room i phoned the police, They were fantastic and interviewed him with a drug councellor present. He wont get a criminal record unless he re-offends. I have taken his wages off him, shopped him to the police. But things have started to get better recently. That happened when my wife and I backed off and stopped trying to make him stop and controlling his life. As hard as it was I took the view that its his life, his choices, we would always love him, provide food and shelter. But the help stops there until he says he wants help to change for the better. No financial help. he brought drugs into the home so Police were called. He had a choice. If he didnt like living here under our rules he knew where the front door was !! if he left we weren’t kicking him out. Up until then we cried begged shouted and threatened but to no avail, especially with all the broken promises. Just recently he bought a TV for himself from the money he would have normally spent on drugs, a good sign that he made the right choice. He has ownership of the problem he has to take ownership of the solution. Love him, do not support him financially, be there for him when he is ready. While youre fighting for him he will continue to abuse himself and you. Back off and pray that one day he will come back to you. Early days at the moment but we have had a good week and our son is looking better and theres a glimmer of his old self. Dont know how long it will last. Good luck to you

[brian]

Thanks Susie, we wont give up on him, but neither will we tolerate certain behaviour. i have come to the conclusion that there is nothing my wife or I can do apart from love him. he is an adult and has to make his own life style choices. in relation to his self harming and suicidal thoughts i suspect that these may have been caused by the drugs he has taken which have messed up his brain, but who knows? What i do know is that we are powerless unless he genuinely comes to us for help, and for that happen he needs to know that we will always be there for him. he is nowhere near as bad as some on here but I can see the path he is taking and pray that he will start to claw himself back. Thanks and we must all stay strong. good luck x

[brian]

Im a dad and my heart is breaking for my 18 year old son. i have posted on here

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