[bt1978]

Hey LT

I have been sober 12 years now, and attend AA meetings. I also recently had a bad experience with Opiates which really threw me, thankfully I’m a month clean from them.

I dont like to diagnose anyone with anything as I dont know them, what I can tell you is that everything you have described is very common in Alcholics.

From what you have written it sounds to me like you have been very patient and tolerant and done everything you can do to help him. The problem you face is that unless he recognises he has a problem this cycle will carry on and on. I know that personally when I was drinking I didn’t care about anyone or anything aside from alcohol. That’s a horrible thing to admit but it was true, and I ended up pushing everyone away, wearing them out and eventually they got tired of my antics. It was only when I hit Rick bottom and realised what I had become that I could begin to sort myself out.

I appreciate this isn’t an easy thing to read or here, but it sounds like you half recognise this from what you have written anyway.

For you as a partner of someone with these issues there are groups set up where you can get help and support and you will likely find others in the same boat who can help and support you as you most definitely aren’t alone with this.

I hope you can post back

Again the above is my experience only and I’m in no way trying to tell you what to do

[bt1978]

Hey Klou.

I have been sober since 2008 so know a little about alcoholism and how it works so to speak.

People often go by the amount, but the truth of the matter is that really its whether you can stop – which it sounds judging by what you wrote, your husband can’t. That said 50 pints a week is a huge amount to be putting away – I’m no doctor but at some stage that will have a serious impact on his health.

The other impact is of course on you and the kids where his alcohol consumption is affecting relationships it seems?

I should also take into account that lockdown is affecting people in so many ways negatively, perhaps this has opened up the underlying problem even more

Before I sobered up I had a pre conceived notion of what an alcoholic was – which was basically a homeless guy on a bench drinking turps. The reality is actually far different. I myself have always been employed in the city, played sports and did the gym but had no control over how much and often I drank. I now know I was in complete denial – so much so I couldn’t see the damage I was doing to myself and everyone I came into contact with. I only accepted it after hitting rock bottom and being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

The challenge is that unless your husband recognises that problem and wants to get help, or change, then you will likely find that you just end up butting heads. I know I blamed everyone else before I sorted myself out as I didn’t want to admit it or face it.

The good news is that if he does get to that stage there are a ton of self help groups online right now where he can listen and perhaps get identification with other people in the same boat. There are also groups that help families of alcoholics also.

I’m being super careful here not to diagnose him btw – I believe the person themselves has to do that part.

Hope that makes some sense

[Author]

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