Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi, doing OK today thanks. Just things pop into my head and it just upsets me that he lied to me at the time. We are married nearly 4 years but together 14 years so it’s nearly half of our marriage. I always had a feeling he was lying about something I always had a feeling in my gut and even though I kept asking why he’s strange had he taken something he always said no and it sent me crazy. Now I know I was right and he told me I was right every single time I questioned him. I just don’t understand how an addict works so I cannot fathom why he thought it would be OK to lie. He did say it was killing him and there were times he was distant he said since when he did take it he didn’t want to come near me because he knew he was doing wrong.
We don’t have kids just the house so it would be easier to leave but this is my first relationship and I don’t know anything else so its always going to be hard to leave. He mentioned himself he’s going to stop drinking too as it triggered him and he said himself he’s hit rock bottom and excited to start a new chapter. It’s whether he actually is going to or not, because of course he has lied all of this time.
We spoke about testing and he said he will do whatever it takes so I have bought them this morning and I will do them every 2 days or so maybe. I just feel crushed at the fact this is my life. I’m still young only 31 and wonder if this is how I want to live my life but don’t want to run at the first hurdle as it could get better. But then don’t I deserve better too? Someone who wouldn’t lie to me.
He has young parents and grew up differently to me, his parents would have been partying and going out all the time and drinking loads is just a normal thing. Not that im making an excuse but I think he looks at drink and alcohol differently to I would.
I’m glad your husband is doing OK, how are you doing? I can’t remember if I asked this before if you didn’t have children would you have stayed? I asked a question on reddit and wish I didn’t, people are very judgemental.
Also yes I haven’t spoken to anyone yet, to be honest I feel embarrassed. Once you tell family that’s it, they know. I have a friend currently going through a separation as her husband was taking cocaine, messaging girls, was controlling etc and although our problem is just the cocaine and lying I still worry about the judgement.
I think end of the day he is telling me he has stopped as he doesn’t want to lose this relationship and hates the fact he was doing it. Also the lies and misery just like your husband. He said he was ready to pull his hair out at times.
I suppose there is no clear cut answer and no ones situation is the same, only I can decide what to do 🙁 xx
Hi I only recently found out about my husbands addiction and it has floored me. I can’t stop thinking about how much he has lied to me over the years when I questioned why he was acting strange. Now he tells me that yes he was on cocaine then even though he kept lying to my face saying there was nothing wrong with him. It’s been nearly 2 weeks now and I do believe he hasn’t taken anything as he says he has hit rock bottom and will never touch it again. Im going to buy drug tests online and randomly surprise him to see if he’s keeping his word because if he lied so well before then how do I distinguish the lies now?
How has your relationship been now, maybe I should go back and read your story. I see you say he isn’t ready to admit he has a problem. Did he say how often he takes it and how much?
Hi thanks so much for the reply. I haven’t spoken to anyone else about it and feel like I am going mad. The initial shock is horrendous I cried for a couple of days and also felt queasy for a few days due to the stress. I feel better now and won’t let myself get into that mess again.
Yes I’m going to buy the drug tests and randomly surprise him. He said we can go through his bank account every month and he’s going to start sending me the money again for the savings so I should be able to see that he isn’t buying drugs. I just can’t believe this is happening to me. I’m not even sure I do love him enough to get through this.
I take it your husband is doing good now, that is great to hear. I have had a long chat with my husband about when he took it and he said during work (he’s a labourer) and if we were drinking in the house he would sometimes have taken some but not all the time. He said he doesn’t take it every day like he wouldn’t take it at the weekend when we aren’t doing anything in the house and I do believe him.
I just want to know whether I can trust him going forward or not. He is giving up drinking also as although it isn’t a problem the two may go hand in hand. Its been a week and a half since I’ve found out and he said he hasn’t taken any and he does seem normal.
There were maybe times he has come home from work strange and I knew there was something up but he always completely denied it which hurts so much in itself.
I plan to read through some of the stories and chat with everyone to try and get through this xx
Hi all, I’ve been reading through some of the comments here but there are just so many. My life has been turned upside down with the revelation from my husband that he has been doing cocaine for the past 1.5 years not daily but quite regularly. He said it had started to spiral out of control recently which I found out about when a letter from the bank was received to say the mortgage payment didn’t come out. I questioned him and he came clean. Basically we both keep some money in our own accounts, he pays the mortgage, I pay the other bills then he sends money to me for the savings account but the amounts he have sent me have been quite low the past year or so. He said the past couple months he has been living in agony with funds going low in his bank with the cocaine and days off work unpaid due to holidays etc, I just wish he had of told me instead of lying to me. There have been many occasions where he has come home seeming off but said he wasn’t drinking or on anything but now I know it was cocaine.
I’m just so annoyed at the fact he has lied to me I don’t know if I can get past this. He says that’s it he’s done and also doesn’t want to drink anymore either as he is terrified at us breaking up but I just can’t be sure he will tell me the truth. He always lied about stupid things and knows I think lying is the worst thing in a relationship. I don’t know much about cocaine addiction to be honest so I don’t know what hes saying is true or not. He really has come clean about it all and is determined never to take it again, he said he knows he can do it and its been a week and a half now already. Is there ever a happy ending in this?