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Hi Ladies….please dont feel down on yourself…..you both have and are doing so much, and getting abused for it……..It really miffs me how us mothers are the ones that feel tormented, sad, angry, frustrated and at a loss as what to do next……Stay strong. What I will say is our boys would drain our accounts if we let them, they have no shame…….For now my son doesnt get one penny off us or any other member of our family…..He has to survive on hos dole money…….hard but I wont be part of bull anymore……
Lauren, many professional people take drugs, it has no social conscience…….I found out my son was doing drugs over 4 years ago…..our family have been through the mill…what I will say is people who take drugs LIE….They will tell you anything they think you want to hear…..my son has stolen , lied and been abusive…….I really hope your partner goes back to counselling, and gets through this relapse….Be strong, and dont give an inch……hugs to you xxx
Hi All, the biggest thing we do as mums is try to hide it from the rest of the world…..and that in itself is enabling our kids to continue down their sad path. Keeping a roof over their head is enabling them, feeding them is enabling them….Personally I just felt embarrassed, ashamed, and wondered what I had done wrong..what I have learned is that it was nothing I did …….and I have also learned that I cant save him from drugs…he has to want to save himself….ive heard my son say he is going to kill himself, he needs money or he will get killed, ive heard pretty much all of the “quotes” a drug user uses……and I made a choice NOT to be part of his world whilst he is doing drugs…..Yes I worry, but I have more control over my emotions now…..and I may come over as uncaring, but thats far from the truth….He never asks me for anything now because he knows it wont happen…i never give him money, and I may be hard on him but I always give him one thing and thats to tell him I love him and I want him to be happy……
Hi Ladies…..Words sometimes are never enough. It has been 2 weeks since my son touched mcat…..yes he had a drink, but is really trying…..He took his son and stepson out saturday, and invited my little one and her cousins to join them…I was apprehensive, but my partner said we needed to show him we trusted him…They had a fantastic time, spent all afternoon in a local park with lots of ammenaties…..then took then all back to his exes and cooked them tea…..When I picked them up they were full of it….He took me to one side and said when hes done his sentence (he has a week to go till he get sentenced back in court) him and his ex will see about moving out of the area,cause he nows if he stays the temptation will be there, the same so called mates will be there…..Now Im not shouting from the rafters but I hope this will be his new beginning…Come on ladies, you are both strong women….dont give up, and dont give in…..Both of you have given me the strength to be strong and stick to my guns…….and both of you are great mothers…dont ever forget that…sending cyber hugs to you both xxxxx
Oh no, but the good thing about this you knew what to look for!!! So he has relapsed…He needs to get back on the horse, and go back to the meetings….Its really important that even when he isnt doing drugs he continues to go for the added support….For the time being if you can , perhaps you watch the finances…which means not giving him his card or anything where he can get another payday loan…….its is hard, but if you and the kids are important to him, he will see its for the best….He really is lucky to have you, I think you need to be tough on him now……HE CAN STOP, cause he has done before…its a relapse….. hugs hunni xxx
There is no shame in taking some sick time .. Get yourself to the doctors, then get off to your friends….Your health and safety are whats important….it sounds like you dont have any other option…Personally, because your feeling scared, aand worried how he will react, I think taking yourself out of the situation is the best thing…And dont tell him either!!!!!!
If you are seriously thinking about evicting them from your property and are scared cant the police oversee them leaving…God its madness…we give birth to them and they treat us like shit……big hugs sweet heart xx
Janey……my heart goes out to you…. I felt embarrassed and like a lepor initially with my son….then anger at what he was putting us through…Then I grew some balls and reclaimed my home back….We have done everything for my son, had 4 years of all the crap….Dont get me wrong I love him, but I got very tired of it all…made me depressed, not able to communicate properly, taking things out on other members of my family….well not any more…My son can only come to our home and stay IF he isnt on any form of drug..thats the deal…if he does turn up out his head then we ask him to leave…You need to have a little bit of trust in one of your work mates…someone who you can turn to..believe me they will know something isnt right…..you have nothing to loose..take the bull by the horn and if possible let someone in to your world….I have many close friends but only one who knows my world….I know its hard but whilst you are letting him live with you and drag you down, you are enabling him to continue to do drugs….and in turn are making yourself ill…..What would happen if you kicked him out..he would then have to see what life is really like…not many 29 year old men still live at home….Janey, reclaim your home and life….its hard, and as mothers all we want to do is protect our kids, but its THEIR choice to do drugs…so they must face the consequences of their life…My son will shortly be going to prison for breach of tag…I cant wait..afew months peace…but he knows we will support him all the way IF AND WHEN he wants to get help……And Janey, if he wasnt a drug addict, do yuo think he would treat you the way he is doing??? I doubt it very much…. Alternatively if its possible set some ground rules….what you expect from him….you know him better than anyone…I hope things get better for you and are more manageable, but since we set the ground rules, our home isnt a war zone on a daily basis….and I can sleep better…..
oh hunni, you have been there for that lad, done what you can…..I know myself its hard to stay away fro your kids when they are on drugs, but Ive also come to learn that they will continue to drag us down with them whilst we let them. It sounds like you have come to the end of your line. Dont feel like you have let your son down…the only one who has done that is him. MCat is a vile drug, and very addictive…..my son’s choice at the moment because its so cheap….Stay strong and stick to your guns hunni..use that anger and hurt and chanel it… he will always be your son, but dont let him ruin what you and your family have..Its his addiction not yours……I will always be there for my son, but NOT whilst he on drugs…..no money, no help, happy to feed him, but thats it!!! Here if you need any support..big hugs xxx Susie
Hey Sue luv….. hope your coping today…been thinking about you and all the other parents, and wondering what the answer is for our kids…still haven’t come up with an answer…what i do know is Im not being part of it anymore….2 more weeks today and my son will hopefully be put inside..how bloomin sad is that, a mother wishing her son be jailed…but ive had enough and hope the time he spends inside thinking what a massive mess his life is….he has a beautiful son and should be working providing for him…oh no he leaves that for the rest of us..even though he is staying at his exes and sees his son all the time, I know its not enough at the moment…Im hardened to it, and cause he knows it, he never asks me for anything……saw him today, and he looked ok, but Im waiting for the blow out, before he goes inside….
What a hellish time your having….I just cant imagine the pressure you and your partner are going through….Im afraid I would wait till they were both out, get the door locks changed and then when they kicked off phone the police…you cant live like that..scared in your own home, having them treat you the way they do…In a moment of clarity, when all is calm perhaps tell them how they make you feel, but from your post I fear this wouldn’t make much difference…whilst they are under your roof, not taking any responsibility you will continue to enable them…..you dont have to be part of that life….my son was as abusive as how you describe….I told him if he wanted to live with us then he had to abide by our rules..last saturday we asked him to leave because he was on one of his mad missions…mcatted up and reeking of alcohol…I wonder if you perhaps dad could talk to them????? Hunni, you dont have to put up with it and shouldnt…..feel so very sad for you….sending hugs and all the support you need..here if you need…xxxxx
When they are at their lowest we are the shit mothers in their minds, because we arent giving them what they want…..i HAVE ONLY been scared a number of times, and at that point I packed him the car , drove 200 miles and left him on his dads doorstep…..I know it isnt always the answer, but I just couldnt take any more……it was at that point he said he was going to kill himself,…..BUT, ive heard it loads of times and im sad to say it washes over me now. I made a promise to myself that if I ever felt like that again , then I would call the police to remove him………and he knows it!Ladies stay strong, and put your tough head on…sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.sending luv and hugs to you both xxxx
Im past that stage hunni….wish id known about this page a long time ago…….the strength I get form others keeps me going….I take myself off to another place (in my head) when it all gets ontop of me, and have learned to switch off….there is nothing I can say or do that will make him change….that is the hardest thing for any mother to hear and know….ITs up to them…dont get dragged down with it!!! xxxx
Switch your phone off, lock your door and let him get on with it…Whilst you continue to enable him, you will continue to get the abuse….Its unfair that your little one has to be party to his behaviour and cruel words….I know only too well, as my little one has heard stuff too….DONT give in, and stop phoning him…..Its hard, very hard, but most people who wnat to end it, dont text or tell anyone….what he is doing is manipulating…your son , my son and other parents sons and daughters on drugs all do it……cause they know it hits your heart and you may cave in and give them what they want…DONT…….Massive hugs hunni, sending you lots of strength and luv xxxxxx
Aww bless, its difficult……we want whats best for our kids…I have found it so much better for my health since I told my son I would have no part of his life,and didnt want him bringing it our door..he is more than welcome to come when hes not on anything and last Saturday was a prime example of us telling him to leave..he didnt like it, but he knew and left……I love my son, but I WILL NOT give in to his manipulation, lies and deceit…..Dont get me wrong its hard, but he is an adult, and he makes his choices…..I just choose not to be part of that!!!!!! He can blame you forever more luv, but the only person to blame is HIMSELF…….