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Wise words Brian…..as parents we continue to enable them to do drugs…whether its pay off their debts, picking them up, paying for clothes for them, bills, YOUR TIME when they are angry, hostile and ripping the family apart!!! It really is soul destroying, but since coming to this group, I have learned I cannot save him, I cannot make things better…its down to him…..Emotional blakmail is something they use time and time again…..and they will use it if they know they can….ITS time to think of you and your family…………warm hugs to you all…keep fighting xxxx
Oh Fifi……..there’s nothing I can say, we know that drugs changes our kids into people we don’t recognise.. I cannot imagine what you have had to deal with, police raiding your home cant be nice…..On a more positive note, if he is on remand then you know he is safe, and wont be getting more drugs. He will have been assessed hopefully…I know its no consolation, and I am sending you strength, love and an ear to listen.. My son is back in court tomorrow and I have come to the realisation that he will be going to prison…and im grateful, that the time he spends inside he may just think enough is enough…..that’s all I can hope for at this moment in time……be strong sweetheart…we are all here for you, and as Sue said, just being on here , gives us strength to continue…..lots of love hunni xxxxxx
Hi Louisa …..its hard being a parent to an addict..we feel their pain, anger, desperation..They are fabulous liars, and yes it is hard to know the truth, and REALLY hard to believe anything they say….. It sounds like she isnt ready to come off the drugs and is merely going through the motions…..I could be wrong… There has to come a point when as a parent you say enough is enough…At the moment she knows you will be there for her, and that is another form of enabling her…….Her going off speaks volumns.. Im pretty sure you know in your heart, why she is acting this way…..The spots, lack of appetite, arguing, going off all lead me to one conclusion…she is still using! We cant save our kids, they have to ask to he helped, and only then can we share their journey and be there for them, and that road is a tough one…Before that happens its very much like ripping your heart out on a daily basis…Think about what you need at this point, because when she is ready, you will need all the strength you can muster to help her and watch her and support her in getting clean….I hope this has helped…you need to take care of you, and I really hope things change in the future and am here if you need to talk xx
Hey love, now breath…. its not yours or anyone elses fault…I blamed friends, girls he was with anyone but him…wow how stupid was I….IT IS HIS CHOICE, no one elses, and that is the hardest thing to come to terms with.You bring them up in a loving secure environment, show them right from wrong, help them with their dreams and then POW, along comes alcohol and drugs and theres no turninng back….Everything you have said is typical of what the rest of us have gone through, and are going through….I would go further than the head teacher and speak to your local MP, write to the school of governers and DEMAND they deal with it…..If the school is online, most put their anti bully policy on there..check you never know…..I think its time to get hard, and when he is in a better frame of mind discuss what your family expects from him, and what the consequesnces could be….Ive known parents shop their kids…drastic but effective, especially if they have never seen the inside of a police station before….I know thats not for all parents but just something else to think about…..IF I had known what my son was doing at that age, I would have gone to all his friends parents and told them…….most users hang out together!!! Parents in numbers is also effective!!! Hang in there hunni, you are not alone…..and dont forget to try and keep things as normal as you can for your other son….I make sure I have quality time with my other child…..even when I could cheerfully roll over and pull the duvet over my head….You can do this , and we are all here for you…keep in touch xxxx
Hey Faye, im so sorry to hear about your loss…..I cant begin to know how your feeling, but what I can say is we as parents always tend to blame ourselves, wondering if there was anything we could have done or said….the answer is a resounding NO! Drugs dont care who they pick, rich, poor, young , old!!! Your son is 31 and has made his choice……hard to come to terms with but true. Take care Faye, and look after that grand daughter…she is the one who needs you most xxxx
Im so glad you feel abit stronger…it really helps just talking to someone who isnt in the thick of things….Mentally preparing yourself will take time, but I am sure you will get there…From now on keep yourself safe, think about you and how you can continue to grow your confidence and self esteem….Not for all but there are many groups around the country for family members of addicts, where you can get continued support from people living the same hell….massive hugs to you hunni xxxx as always here to chat whenever you need!!!
Caz, take things at your pace…being around an addict is tiring, frustrating, scary….but YOU matter in all of this, and i agree, you do deserve YOUR HAPPINESS…..Find out what your options are, speak to your kids and take care of you….here if you need anything hun xxx
Caz just forgot to say , him saying he would kill himself if you left…..well he’s doing that already, whilst your there…..what’s the difference?
Evening caz, wow you have lived with this for many years , and managed to bring up 2kids aswell….can I ask, have you had enough now? If the answer is yes then only you know what to do…..when you love someone you don’t emotionally blackmail them, but then I’m sure you know addicts blame everyone and everything but themselves…I’m not sure I could still be there, especially now your kids have grown…..living with an addict is hard work, it’s whether you want to continue with it….personally, I would let him get on with it, and leave, but then I know that’s not always possible….hope you come to the right decision for you…your son it seems has already Sussed him out, hense the lack of respect…and you can’t blame him really, cause I’m guessing he missed many parts of his childhood…. Thank god they have you……take care of you now! Here if you need to talk x
Hey fifi65 how are things going? Hope all is well x
Oh Joan, it’s a nightmare isn’t it? You sound like your doing everything you can, and you also sound very low and tired….know that feeling ! Are the church any support at all, could they help? I agree that he shouldn’t stay with you whilst on drugs….is his father around at all to help, or other family….he sounds lost doesn’t he? Is he taking his Medication ?if he’s irratic, and impulsive is he on the right meds? Just a thought Hunni! As for his apartment is there any way he could be moved to a better one? Not sure what the answer is, but I know you will have probably done everything I’ve suggested ….. Hugs for you and here if you need to talk x
Weed is so much more stronger than in our day…and when teens smoke it for lengthy periods it has many adverse reactions….depression, paranoia , psychosis in some instances..it all depends on the person, and how often they do it..that along with alcohol ….there are many other drugs out there that are cheap and just as harmful..I know my son started with weed, has done cocaine, tried crack, mcat, and other rubbish….along with alcohol it creates a monster! I would say educate yourself, check for signs, open your eyes …I wish I had been more knowledgable , perhaps I could have done more
Hey max, since talking with other parents it seems the parents are the ones who are left feeling guilty, sad, angry and wondering where the hell we went wrong! I now know it IS NOT our fault….court day is fast approaching for my son and I know when I drop him outside the court I won’t be seeing him for a while…I’ve also told him that he won’t be coming back here unless he proves he wants to change…it’s his call…I’m tired and have had enough….I love him but hate him too if that makes sense…for my own sanity, and the families I am putting us first….I just want to hear him say he has had enough and needs our help….max, it’s our boys decisions how and what they want from life, as parents we just have to wait now…..I want a happy ending, cause it’s been going onto long!,,
Hi Brian, it seems that alcohol and drugs go together reading some of these posts, and also knowing from first hand experience with my son. You are a fantastic father and shopping your own son is brave, and really is the right thing…..I hope your son knows how much you love him. I wonder if given that your son self harms and has suicidal thoughts he is using the weed n alcohol to block things out…… I think you are doing everything you can, just don’t forget about his brother…all too often as parents we focus on the child we want to fix, or get better…I make sure I have time with my other child, and try and keep things normal ..hard but it is achievable… Let us know how things go…Susie xx