[cap50]

I really feel for you. It’s so hard to keep going around in circles. I don’t think they mean to keep hurting you it’s what that stuff does to their brain, it turns them to selfish people and the most frustrating thing is they can’t see it or refuse to see the damage it does to everyone around them.
I sounded like you till I’d eventually had enough. You have to put yourself first.. do you really want to keep living like this? If he won’t get help then you need to protect your mental health. You’ll end up in some dark and lonely places otherwise. Have a break from the relationship see if time apart gets you some perspective maybe? The one think I’ve learnt the hard way is you cannot fix them, no amount of pleading will change them.. you can only work on you. You have one life so choose how you want to live it.
If a relationship is draining the life from you, you got to ask is it worth it? Only you know the answers but surround yourself with people who love you and make you the best version of you x

[cap50]

I think you’ll know when enough is enough. I threatened to end it probably weekly over the last year alone.
My final Tipping point was finding messages to prostitutes on his phone, but it was more the lies that did it and the abuse of our finances. Someone who is making out that it’s all in your head, you’re the bad one constantly accusing them of being off their head when they’re not apparently (but they are). Being in a constant state of worry and questioning your own reality finally takes its toll. I was scared and thought I’d never survive and afford to live without my partner but in hindsight I think that’s part of the control to make you not leave, if that makes sense?
I find it hard every day not being with him because I’d love nothing more for him to stop and be the good person that I know he is under it all; but I just can’t see it happening because he won’t admit it’s an issue.
it’s a heartbreaking situation that will drag you down. It’s good advice to concentrate on yourself. Find a hobby separate from your partner that you have for yourself that you can enjoy and have a break from the situation, it will keep you sane!
I hope your situations don’t end up like mine and I hope your partners see the light! X

[cap50]

It’s hard to read this because it’s just the same for all of us that have had partners that are bad with cocaine.
it’s the worse drug and the way that we end up manipulated and told that it’s our fault. My OH that is not longer at the home as I’d had enough flits between “he likes doing it” so he’ll carry on to he rarely acknowledges there is an issue.
coke has destroyed out family. I’ve had to put my home up for sale and finally found the strength to say enough is enough.
my heart goes out to anyone who is dealing with this problem.. there seems to be so many of us in the same boat! It’s scary.
wish you all the best for dealing with it and hopefully you’ll have a better outcome than I did x

[cap50]

This is so hard to read. I’m no longer with my addict other half and it’s a really difficult thing to come to terms with that they will never pick you. It’s really hard walking away from someone that you love and you want to help 🙁

[cap50]

I feel like reading your comments has really hit home with me.
I’ve been living with my husband’s addiction for years. Recently split but feel as though no one has my back apart from my family and friends but everyone on his side feels bad for him. He’s acting like he was truthful about his using and I just ended it. Which isn’t the case. I just think that being the parter of an addict is the most lonely place to be and you get the blame for everything when really you’re the victim of the lies, gaslighting, financial and mental abuse.
dobt get me wrong I know the addict is living in pain but it feels like they created all this but no one else really wants to help them and because it’s easy for them to blame you it feels like everybody else does too! Just wouldn’t wish it on anyone, even when you finally have had enough then it’s still making you feel guilty.
my heart goes out to anyone dealing with this ❤️

[cap50]

I think it’s because you know the person they are without the coke and you never stopped loving that person it just went away when they don’t have control of the using.
it’s like you don’t want to give up on them but you’re in such a bad place yourself that you know you have to. You cling on to the hope that one day you may be more important to them than the miserable existence that they’re in.
it’s really hard to get your head around isn’t it. I’ve only just had the strength to say I’ve had enough and for now feel liberated by that but im sure it is going to be a bumpy road ahead.
I think we have to just accept that we will never get the answers we want or even understand the madness.
I hope you’re doing well ❤️

[cap50]

I’m the partner of a coke addict, recently separated. I’d like to get off my chest that this problem causes such a path of destruction.. I’ve been in some very dark and lonely places. I’ve felt like I’ve not been enough that I’m not fun, that I moan about everything and I’ve only just started to realise that no matter what I’ve said, nothing will ever make a difference. It’s like I’ve been competing against coke for years. When it gets such a hold of someone there really isn’t anything that you can do or say. They are no longer the person who you’ve been desperately trying to get back. I feel guilty writing this but I feel relieved that I’m out of the madness.. once I get my finances are sorted I will be so happy that I’m no longer controlled and in a miserable uncertain situation.
addicts will never be able to give you what you need when using. The only love they have left isn’t enough for you. I’ve read this forum for a good 2 years whilst desperately hoping I’d have a happy outcome to my situation, sadly it’s just got progressively worse.

I feel like I lost every part of who I am and I’m really looking forward to finding me again, for my kids and myself.
I wish everyone the best of luck with your journey whichever way it take you

❤️

[cap50]

Hi

I feel like my situation is similar. I’ve left my husband after his coke problem has been going on for years.
I’ve found messages to prostitutes on a couple of occasions, he has denied anything went on but I don’t believe it. He lies all the time about taking coke. we used to have a nice lifestyle but it’s got to the point where money is always tight and he says he’ll get help then the next day it isn’t a problem.
we started out as one of those couples that would go out and recreationally take a bit of coke when drinking but it’s seriously got a hold of him. He did it long before meeting me and I thing the problem is very deep rooted. No matter what it always seems to be everything or everybody else is to blame for it.
I’ve been out of my mind because I get accused of  being controlling, and accusing him of using when he’s not (although he was) I feel like I’ve been gaslighted because I’ve doubted my own sanity.
I eventually had enough and asked him to go because I can’t deal with how it makes him. He sleeps, misses work, grumpy, snappy, nose bleeds, blows nose constantly, sneaky and the rest. I was hoping that it may make him realise what he could lose. But sadly it’s not the case. Now he says he’s not as bad with coke now I’m not around and I’m not what he needs.
it’s been blow after blow and it’s been the hardest loving someone and knowing things won’t ever change.
I wish there was a happier ending to it.

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