[caregiver19]

I can’t express how grateful I am for your reply. Your words “Hey huni” alone had me in tears bc I have had to put on a brave face and smile for so long when people keep asking “Hey, hows your husband doing?” (Because of his cancer). They don’t know what’s going on now. I am a very strong-willed person and last year people kept reminding me of that over and over again with his cancer. Though they meant well, what they didn’t realize is that strong people feel pain too. Sometimes more I think bc we are so busy trying to take care of everyone and we get lost. I don’t want to be that strong person anymore but I don’t have a choice bc of my kids.

Like you, I am at a crossroads and don’t know if I should keep him home for my kids and also so I can control something about the situation. Or do I send a strong message and kick him out until he can prove to me he has gotten professional help?

My husband isn’t a mean drunk. I can imagine what thats like for you bc my husband was very mean while on chemo. I can’t express how sorry I am that you and your kids have to experience that. My husband is a sloppy but dangerous drunk. He likes to disappear for hours and drink in secret. He turns off his phone so I can’t track him. Then to try to keep his secret and not make me suspicious, he will drive home. Last night he came home and could barely walk up the sidewalk. So my daughter and I hid his and my keys so he couldn’t drive. Today he wanted the keys to drive to work but I told him no. I drove him to work and will pick him until whenever I feel that he can be trusted again. I told him that he has hurt me enough and I’m not going to let him hurt anyone else. He has made a fool and now a liar out of me and I take my integrity and character seriously. So that is a whole other level of betrayal. I told him on the drive to work that I need him to stay gainfully employed and not drive until he can get his stuff together so we don’t lose everything and my kids don’t lose their father. He did agree that he needs professional help but I’ll believe it when I see it. He also told me during the drive that he has been secretly drinking for a month. That’s his, and was his fathers way of doing it. He drinks in secret until he gets caught….stays sober for a while…..starts drinking again in secret….gets caught….and repeat. He admitted that’s he’s been drinking in secret in our home too. I can’t trust him in or outside of our home. So what do I do with that? I just don’t know. But thank you for listening to me vent. It means more than you know.

[caregiver19]

I didn’t sleep well last night and my head is killing me. I hate him for putting us through the hell of six months of chemo and the hellish side effects, just to throw it all away for a drink. And I hate myself for sometimes wishing he didn’t make it just so he could have left us with dignity and so we would miss him. I know that sounds awful. I do. I love my husband and don’t know how to live without him bc I never have. We are high school sweethearts but I’ve been through this hell with his dad and I know how it will end.

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