[carrie80]

Hi there

I just wanted to reach out to you and say how similar our stories are. We’ve recently lost our partner/dad of 25 years to the cruel disease of alcoholism.

He’s left myself and my 2 precious babies (17 and 13 years old) broken and trying to build a new life without him.

Times were incredibly challenging for years and years but I would have them back in a heartbeat just to spend more time with him.

I spend my days asking myself “What if?” over and over again.

The pain is unbearable and then seeing your kids in pain aswell knowing there’s nothing you can do to help is even worse.

Accepting that this disease was out of our control is so hard.

He was poorly for so many years on and off with various complications relating to alcohol abuse both mental and physical. He had hospital admissions/consultant appts/doctors appts and all sorts.

We attended help groups together he tried AA and desperately wanted a different life for us all but in the end the alcohol just took over his whole mind and body and destroyed our whole family bit by bit.

We met at 16 so spent all of our adult lives together. We made 2 beautiful babies together and I’m so grateful he gave me those.

I feel anger/sadness/guilt/pain/numb and sometimes relief. Not that he has gone but that the chaos that alcohol brought to our lives has.

He was the most incredible partner and father I could have ever wished for when drink didn’t dominate his thoughts and actions.

I miss him so much. Just the daily texts and phone calls. Having someone to offload to about the kids/work and someone to share my happiness with when things went well.

Some days I wonder how we will go on without him and others I smile when I hear a song or see his photo.

He went into hospital on 25th Feb after having yellow skin/eyes for 2 weeks and never came back out again. 3 weeks later he passed away in my arms. They withdrew all treatment from him and told me his liver disease was too progressed to save him. He had 13 blood transfusions the day they decided to withdraw treatment due to bleeding varices. He had liver and kidney failure and acute hepatitis. By the last 2 weeks it had affected his brain and he developed hepatic encephalopathy. He had no idea he was dying but we did. I have no idea which is worse but I do wish he would have had the opportunity to tell his kids everything he would have wanted them to know in those final days. He held on for 5 days after the hospital withdrew all treatment and I’m so grateful for the time we had together then. I was able to tell him how much I loved him and cared for him and not to worry as I will take care of the kids. But most importantly I told him over and over not to feel guilty because he is a good man.

Please feel free to contact me if you want to. It would really help if I could speak to anyone who has been in a similar situation x

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