[cathsp]

Update

My son has just been sick so we cleaned up and I told him that I had consulted with my advisors ( that’s you guys) and that he is “at it” . He looked surprise and says he will take a test tomorrow morning. Not tonight but tomorrow!

I am pleased and zi think he is blown away with my calm all knowing outlook 🙂 well it is a big change for me

Big Thanks

[cathsp]

Well thank you that’s given Lots of food for thought X

[cathsp]

Hello again , I have caught my son again arranging a drug deal two days all denied by him in Spite of the Text.

I have returned home from work and his eyes are sparkling. He is denying he has taken anything refusing to do a drug test.

And now says he will give a drug test every two weeks!!!!!!!

What is he up too?

Text was for DHC or diff DF118

What is he all about? What is he doing if he thinks he can text negative every 2 weeks?

Any views?

[cathsp]

Hi Kate

As a mother we want our family to do well. I told my son that no one wants their son to be a drug addict! He sincerely agreed. However it does not necessarily stop him trying to buy drugs.

If you don’t mind me saying your post focus on what might be the inevitable- losing his job, debts etc. In your posts your son don’t come across as wanting to change. Sorry!

Letting go is hard even starting the process of letting go is hard!

Maybe step back and make a list of what you would like to happen for both of you. Then when you can go over the list unpick it and highlight not only what needs to done to achieve it but who needs to make that happen ? Sadly at the end of the exercise I think it will become clearer to you what can and cannot be achieved.

We are all here for you Kate1 one step at a time

Good luck

[cathsp]

Hi Kate1

I know it is easy to say but your son needs to want to change to make change! Sorry!

[cathsp]

Hi Kate, sorry. You feel we are ignoring You.

Support for your son, there are a ton of Zoom meeting on NA site- the meetings take place every day morning noon and night, Meetings for Newbies and/ or Veterans.

I believe Services like Turning Point and the likes are opened now.

There is meetings and 1-1 support And helplines available to support family members too.

Not sure if this information helps you but it’s a start.

[cathsp]

Well what you know Eric Clapton here we come. You go for it Dan Man ???? Be the ring master Of your life. You will surprise yourself ????

[cathsp]

Hi Dan Man

you cud focus on the reasons and the benefits of being sober. Think about your short goals and then medium life goals and long term goals. Then ask yourself would you give them up for a moment of madness!

Hang tight. Your worth it????

[cathsp]

Don’t loose the faith Dan man we are all rooting for YOU

[cathsp]

There is great advice on this website about coping with their behaviour that describes some of the feelings your experiences. It might help you at this time

PEACE

[cathsp]

I recognise the feeling of being sick in the stomach- I’m a rescuer too. The talk about the stages of change. It’s important that we consider that too. The first stage is the pre-contemplation when we are think about change. The second stage is Contemplation- there are Emotional and mental benefits as well as conflicting emotions.

Think about what will help YOU. Don’t walk in your son shoes if you – it’s familiar I know- think about your journey and what that might look like. Think oxygen. Reach out there is support

Take care

[cathsp]

Step back if you can. Self care is very important. Think it as the oxygen theory on a plane. U need to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else.

I have lit a blue candle for YOU and your laddie and ME and mine. And everyone else that needs some love and light tonight. Xxx

[cathsp]

Take some time to yourself. It’s unlikely he will go far. Abusive mmmmm. Not good!

I will light a candle for you today xx

[cathsp]

Mother’s care we don’t enable. I expect my son do maintain some standards. If that means cleaning his clothes, room house then ok. We maintain positive communication when possible.

You will find lots of info on how to offer support and self care on this website.

Hang in there. You will get the support you need. Keep reaching out.

[cathsp]

Sorry Kate1 for the late reply but I was out last night.

It is my adult son that has addiction problems. He is 40 tomorrow.

He has money so that helps him pay for his addiction.

I found this type of support 3 years ago and I think things would have been different if I had known earlier.

Today theories about motivational change using tools, and focus is on if Carer/ parents change our behaviour it helps to change theirs.

My son has been shot at 3 times, knifed and lost his finger due to an argument with someone with a chain saw.

He has developed psychosis due to amphetamines misuse.

It has been a long journey. No one can tell you want to do we just do the best we can .

Find support you are not alone there is support out there reach out until you find what works for YOU.

Try different things 1-1 support is available zoom meeting for family members. 20 min guides on motivational change.

Your son is on his own journey but you can support him positively.

Take care

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