[charly1]

I read your post and can totally relate. I found out my ex was cheating on me when my son was 4 months old. He had been texting the other woman at 7am while he was sober to arrange to meet her for sex late afternoon. When I confronted him about the messages he told me it was because he knew he would be taking coke later that day and it makes him horny! He told me he had a problem, and that he needed me, he cried, made promises he would get help but less than a month later he told me he didn’t need help cuz he doesn’t have a problem and it was all my fault he cheated cuz I had pushed him away. We are now 2 years on, and he has absolutely no remorse, he always admits he has a problem with coke when he wants to move back in, makes all the promises to get help and within less than 2 weeks, same scenario. He moved out 2 years ago now and his addiction has definitely got worse, he doesn’t have anywhere to live and he says he can’t afford a flat, he earns a decent wage so unknown he could afford a place but cocaine is clearly his priority. I still love him and if he accepted help I would have him back in a heartbeat but until he is willing to own up to his problem and do something about it, there’s nothing more I can do. I feel better in myself since we split because I’m no longer dealing with the moods, the lies, the temper on a daily basis. It got to a point where I was living in fear because he became so hostile and unpredictable. I was constantly walking on eggshells and couldn’t sleep, it affected by mental health and I started suffering with anxiety and depression. While I feel better in myself most days, I still constantly worry about him, and I don’t trust him to have our son unsupervised as he thinks nothing of turning up to see our son under the influence of drugs. It’s a difficult balance and I really don’t know how to move on from it all.

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