[chelsie]

There is no reason for them doing this – I’ve asked my husband and over and over why he did this why he destroyed our marriage and family when there was no ‘ reason ‘ to do so – we were happy . He has no reason other than he is an addict he made the wrong decision etc etc etc it just does not wash with me – he decided to do it , the drugs did not come to him !

I have to say if your partner is not going to get clean this relationship for you can only get worse – you’ve been through an awful time with your previous relationship already – a relationship with an addict is going to be even worse – the chaos , the drama it eventually leads to desperation I’ll health stealing abuse aggression. Etc etc it’s progressive and doesn’t get better ..

My husband started off with all the symptoms you said the nose bleeds the toilet trips the sniffing I didn’t suspect for over a year and even when I found it he still denied And said I had ‘ mental health ‘ issues for accusing him . It took a family intervention and proof which was going to be shown to the police to get him to leave and I can’t tell you how relieved I was when he and his chaos finally left our home .

There is no easy way to approach it but the sooner the better and for your own sake and the sake of your future sooner rather than later – while the addict is wasting his or her life on drugs they are also pulling you down and wasting your life with them – I go to a support group which I found via this site and also have 1:1 Trauma counselling through the NHS both of which have helped me immensely – I would highly recommend getting support for yourself first and foremost so you don’t lose YOU in all of this

[chelsie]

Hiya all the signs you describe are exactly the same my husband had – the denial even when you prove it to their face will be unbelievable I’m afraid addicts will do anything and lie to anyone in any circumstances and blame others etc to protect their drug of choice . My husband is now 6 months sober and working the programme but I will say the damage his lies and behaviour has caused to me and many others runs so deep now I don’t know whether he can ever be forgiven and whether any reconciliation is possible – the earlier you can address this and make choices for yourself the better ( you can’t make his choices only he can do that – he will decide to protect his addiction or stop or lie about one or the other either way you can’t control what he does but you can control how YOU want to live the rest of your life ). Take all support available to you , It’s a horrible horrible existence being the partner of an addict I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy – just remember your life is in your control – not his

[chelsie]

I would imagine your gut instinct is right – behaviour and personality change plus the fact that it mirrors what he was like before means he is probably doing it again .

The only way you can know for sure is ask him to do a drugs test if he refuses you have your answer anyway and he must face consequences for this . You’ve already said you don’t want him there if he is using or the life that goes with his using so for your own sake you need to put yourself first or you will end up Trapped with him in an addiction cycle

[chelsie]

Hi thanks so much for the replies – yes he is on the 12 step programme he is getting close to the amends process and has started some initial statements to people . He says he knows what he did in addiction was disgusting and he has said that none of it was my fault ( he blamed me continually in addiction and was emotionally and mentally abusive very often psychotic and paranoid also ……..it was a living hell ) . I don’t know where the man I married is or who he even was now

[chelsie]

Hiya I recently went through this experience with my husband for almost 2 years who started drinking more and more heavily and then ended up with a hideous daily cocaine addiction during which time he became more and more abusive deceitful and manipulative – it will get worse and worse and worse until some event will happen or he will hit rock bottom . I would say if he’s trying to hide or deny this and things are being left around and money is going missing his habit has got really bad my husbands was like this at the end – his nose was completely blocked daily dripping blood he couldn’t even speak properly as he was putting this stuff up his nose and damaging it daily . Eventually his job and business was going down and everyone close was starting to get affected by his abnormal and antisocial behaviour – he completely broke me and tore apart my character making arguments on purpose to give him and excuse to drink or use and tormenting me with false accusations and blame continually for his ‘ unhappiness ‘ which literally came from nowhere we had A happy life he created delusions and had psychotic episodes around these delusions t detract from what he was actually doing . From your post it looks like you’re being pulled down with him like I was – please please please make sure you prioritise yourself unless he wants to get help and there’s a significant degradation/ rock bottom life experience for him he will NOT stop and there’s nothing you can do to stop him his drugs are his number one priority so you need to somehow make yourself number one so he doesn’t drag you down too . Get as strong and detatched as you can , formulate a plan if you can somehow let someone know what’s going on so you have some real life support or join a support group online ( I have done this through details I got on this site ) so you can Talk to someone about your experience and they can help you . If he loses you that maybe enough for him to want to get clean but on the road he’s going down it’s just going to get worse – thinking of you it’s a really horrid place to be and you don’t deserve it at all

[chelsie]

Oh this is so awful I’m so sorry he’s gone backwards . My husband has been out of the house and on a 12 step programme clean for 2 months but this is absolutely my biggest fear – That he is clean for sometime behaves like the ‘ model husband’ and a changed man but is still lying and deceiving . I don’t have much advice to offer you as I’m not in that position yet but I can so see it happening and it’s so worrying . My husbands ‘ shock ‘ using was a relapse but after 14 years ! He was 7 years clean when I met him and we’ve been together 7 years so for me this is like the first time of him using even though it’s a relapse for him if you see what I mean but it is probably the reason this petrifies me again – can he go another 14 years and then destroy everyone’s lives again 🙁 For cocaine addicts is it always like a ticking time bomb that they will inevitably relapse ? Hugs to you 18 years is a long tine to be dealing with this x

[chelsie]

It’s like a bad nightmare you cannot believe it is happening to you and everyone around you like you say who is actually your ‘ husband ‘ , someone you loved and trusted could betray and hurt you and everyone close to you as a couple so badly and still continue to lie and manipulate around it – he still lied even when we had the evidence and now he is on the program is trying to get sympathy off others by saying he ‘tried to tell people what was a going on ‘ absolute lie he denied and blamed the whole way through !! And that he is ill and that he is not getting the support And sympathy he would get if he had ‘ cancer ‘ and not this illness – I’m sorry but I’ve known many cancer sufferers and not one of them has gone around stealing , lying , slandering and destroying people due to their illness !! I don’t know why addicts could be surprised not to get the same ‘ sympathy ‘ as people with terminal illnesses get – do they not understand the damage their behaviour has done across a sustained period of time ? So tragic

[chelsie]

My cocaine addict ( now estranged ) husband accused me of cheating in the most unbelievable bizarre situations when I did nothing wrong just worked looked after house and kids – every man I spoke to or worked with or even had added in my social media I was definitely meeting in secret according to him not only did he persecute and insult me about this he investigated my male friends and colleagues on social media threatening to contact them – it was absolute hell and so humiliating I am convinced this was delusional paranoid psychosis caused by cocaine . In addition to this he also started ‘ investigating ‘ past relationships I had before I met him – stalking my ex husband and boyfriend on social media asking millions of questions and calling me names ( ludicrous was his ‘ past ‘ is horrendous in comparison ! ) every day was a living hell ….. I feel your pain everyone on this thread I wouldn’t wish it on anyone so unjustified and cruel

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