[cherryb]

Hi Kran91,

I wrote a long post back to you but it has not submitted. Thank you for replying X

You are not an idiot for speaking to people, you need support and it’s important you have people you can talk to.

It really is a lonely place at times isn’t it?

People on this forum understand and I get everything you are saying. It’s a cycle and can get really tough at times.

I am seeing a counsellor and this has helped me so much. I realise I have choices, but not ready to make any yet, hoping for a calm Christmas.

It is a sad reality to see from your post that even when they are accessing support, relapses will happen.

We are very good at putting on brave faces and keeping things as normal as we can but I know how draining and heartbreaking it is too.

I am trying to focus on myself more. Stop researching, questioning and making myself ill with it but it always depends on his behaviours.

I know I will have to eventually decide if I can live like this forever if he chooses to continue this path.

I wish you all the best as you deal with all this.

I hope you have a good Christmas, take care of yourself as well x xx

[cherryb]

Hi, you are not alone,

It’s important you realise that none of this is your fault.

You love him and have continued to hope he will change which is why you are still with him.

My husband is also a cocaine addict. It has been devastating, heartbreaking and made me ill.

I have realised you stay because you hope in your heart he will realise the damage and want to get help.

It makes you ill and feel like you have lost the man you met.

It’s lonely and stressful.

I know you feel ashamed to talk about this but I strongly advise you to seek support. Confide in someone you can trust or access counselling – this is confidential and will help you focus on yourself.

You need to focus on you and make sure you are the number 1 priority. You have done all you can and you can’t change this – he has to do that. But I would advise you to access support if you can. This forum has been really supportive to me and it’s good to know you are not alone, people understand. You do have choices and your mental health is so important.

Don’t be hard on you – I’m sure you have been doing an amazing job, keeping everything together xx

[cherryb]

Thank you ZoeG, I will take a look x

[cherryb]

Thanks ZoeG, I really appreciate your response and thoughts on this. Yes your right, he needs to want to stop and nothing will change unless he gets to that point – if he gets to that point.

My husband hates the fact he is dependant on it. He admits he has a problem. He continues to do it and we do all suffer.

This is what is hard. I have been with him 20 years. I suppose it depends on how much I am willing to take and put up with.

Thank you again for responding, I wasn’t in a good place earlier. It’s been a rough weekend but trying to get myself together! X

[cherryb]

Hi Ifonly, so sorry to see things have been rubbish. You know the truth and if you are not wanting to share this with his parents I understand that too.

Where do you think things will go from here? I hope you are managing to take care of yourself in all this xx

[cherryb]

Hey Ifonly, sometimes there are no words, another tough weekend for us and many others i am sure. You sound like your doing an amazing job with your boys ???? I’m glad your anxiety has improved and you’ve slept better. This weekend has really affected me and it’s made me ill. Think it’s the realisation of the situation and it’s ironic as he did not use this weekend and it’s been horrific. I am taking things one bit at a time. This group has been a lifeline , I can share what’s happening and people support and just understand.

I am going to look at the extra support, I am seeing a counsellor who is brilliant and on this journey with me. Thank you for posting and your support. I am thinking of you x

[cherryb]

Hi Harry123, I am sorry you are going through what you are and thank you for posting. I am sure like my husband you are a good man, it is an illness. I am sorry you have ended up in this situation and hope you are doing ok? The hard thing is the damage this causes, it becomes too late to repair it and without support I can not see my husband being able to change.

I see it from both sides and hope with all my heart he can get support now.

He has not used this weekend and I think he thinks he is ok…but he has mountains to climb.

I know I will need to put myself and my children first as they need a strong and well parent.

I hope you are getting support yourself! Take care x

[cherryb]

Thank you for this. I am very grateful there is support from people on this forum and organisations like yourself. I will take a look at your site now.

[cherryb]

Hi Ifonly, You deserve better and I hope you are managing to get through things with support. I agree this page has been a lifeline for me too. I find it to be a great support with people sharing their stories.

My husband has had a weekend off it and didn’t we all feel it. I’ve tried to be supportive but so much damage has been done. It’s actually been a terrible weekend.

I know we deserve better and I hope you can try to rebuild your life after everything you have been through. It is so sad and heartbreaking knowing life is never going to be what it once was. I hope you can continue to focus on you and put yourself first Take care xx

[cherryb]

And yes it’s shit! I’ve never experienced anything like this. I’m sorry for all you have been through too x

[cherryb]

Thank you so much for this Bailey33 I love the quote and identify with it so much. Well done for being so brave and putting yourself and your children first. I am glad your starting to feel better. I think it’s a process we have to go through to reach that point because we love them so much and still hold onto hope. It is so heartbreaking isn’t it… I can’t tell you how much it meant to read your reply and it confirms things to me that it will keep getting worse. I am on this journey now and feel stronger now I know the truth. until he changes nothing will apart from I will keep getting worse. Thank you and take care x

[cherryb]

Ifonly, I am sorry for everything your going through. The cocaine will always win over us won’t it. I have told my husband he has an addiction and once you can accept it and say it out loud it is a big step. I feel ahead of my husband in recognising he is addicted and that has been a turning point for me . I think he did not use for the first time last night but today has been very tough. I feel confident it won’t last. He has not been a nice person to be around and my anxiety has been through the roof. I hope you can begin to rebuild your life again, you deserve to be happy.

[cherryb]

Ifonly, I am sorry for everything your going through. The cocaine will always win over us won’t it. I have told my husband he has an addiction and once you can accept it and say it out loud it is a big step. I feel ahead of my husband in recognising he is addicted and that has been a turning point for me . I think he did not use for the first time last night but today has been very tough. I feel confident it won’t last. He has not been a nice person to be around and my anxiety has been through the roof. I hope you can begin to rebuild your life again, you deserve to be happy.

[cherryb]

And yes it’s shit! I’ve never experienced anything like this. I’m sorry for all you have been through too x

[cherryb]

Thank you so much for this Bailey33 I love the quote and identify with it so much. Well done for being so brave and putting yourself and your children first. I am glad your starting to feel better. I think it’s a process we have to go through to reach that point because we love them so much and still hold onto hope. It is so heartbreaking isn’t it… I can’t tell you how much it meant to read your reply and it confirms things to me that it will keep getting worse. I am on this journey now and feel stronger now I know the truth. until he changes nothing will apart from I will keep getting worse. Thank you and take care x

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