[chris81]

Hey Eva how have you been today? Sorry Im late on checking in its been madness at work, probably a good thing though. How are you doing?

Hey Kaleidoscopic – Congrats on the decision to taper, whats your strategy? Day 1 was okay, I tried to keep busy though, Ive done 90mg at 8am, 2am and 8pm down from around 700 – 800mg a day. First few days are hard, mentally and pysically but talking on here helps knowing you have support and not alone.

Youre going to start feeling like you have a cold and / or flu, try and tell yourself thats what it is, it helped me mentally to think I had flu rather than it being withdrawl.

[chris81]

Wow sounds like thelast 6 months have been hell for you, and now this, you must be such a strong person. I work in the NHS doing my support work so can relate how much pressure you must be under just in normal life. You sound like an amazing person to be taking on these battles head on!

Stay strong, day 6 tomorrow 🙂 Im going to try get some sleep now but will check in tomorrow, keep fighting and speak soon X

[chris81]

When did you last take some? If you last took some on Friday then you would be on day 5 today, if you’re last tablets were Thursday you’d be on day 6, I think?

I started tapering on Sunday, so classed that as day 1 so today is day 4 in my mind, whatever the number though every additional day is a positive.

I know how you feel with the mental states, I’m up and down, positive one minute and then worried the next and then anxious and then positive again. I’m trying to see it as a battle between my “mind” and my “brain and body” – Not to use too foul language but every time I think “I could just take a couple more just once” I say in my head “f off and get of my head”, that does seem to help me 🙂

I hope you sleep better tonight, I think it does help a lot getting rest. You’re doing so well and I’m really admirable of how you’re sticking to it and keeping going, we’ve come this far and we would only have it all to do again so may as well keep fighting and moving forward.

Are you working at the moment or have you got time off?

[chris81]

Hey Eva – Sorry for slight delay in reply, been a bit none stop this morning (not a bad thing) 🙂

I was the same last night, really struggled sleep, tossing and turning and just being generally being uncomfy but did manage to get some sleep.

Felt positive when I woke up but still achey, but I did feel slightly better.

This afternoon bit harder with the sweats and chills but it doesnt seem as bad as the last couple of days, that may change I know but its keeping me positive.

How have you been today?

[chris81]

Yeah the yawning is very random, my main thing at the moment is shivers, being cold, but then sweating and being boiling hot, plus aches and pains. Concentration is okay but my mind definitely is on the obvious.

I work in IT support so it can be stressful but I get to speak with and see different people which keeps things different throughout the day. I have kids too, they are my main motivation to see this through 🙂

Im glad youre okay and sticking it out, as you said before its nice knowing there is someone out there going through the same 🙂

[chris81]

Yeah the yawning is very random, my main thing at the moment is shivers, being cold, but then sweating and being boiling hot, plus aches and pains. Concentration is okay but my mind definitely is on the obvious.

I work in IT support so it can be stressful but I get to speak with and see different people which keeps things different throughout the day. I have kids too, they are my main motivation to see this through 🙂

Im glad youre okay and sticking it out, as you said before its nice knowing there is someone out there going through the same 🙂

[chris81]

Hey Eva / Franky

Im not sure on the rules but my messages have been okay, for now at least.

Glad youre okay Eva 🙂 Im same as you really, its much like having a cold / flu Im finding, oh and I have the random yawning?! Whats that all about lol??

Sorry for slightly delayed reply, been manic at work but at least it keeps me occupied and busy.

Do you have any plans this afternoon?

[chris81]

Morning Eva just checking in, hope youre okay? How are you feeling today?

[chris81]

Stick with it Eva, you’ve done so well so far, I can’t relate to childbirth but I can relate to the cold and Im tapering so can only imagine how you are, I’m very admirable of you.

As you say the withdrawals are insane, how your body reacts to essentially a chemical change. Ive just been in the bath to try and warm up and now Im under a blanket on the sofa.

Keep up the brilliant work, its good to know there is someone out there going through the same, you’re not on your own.

[chris81]

Its a very similar situation / circumstances to which I found myself in, all be it roles reversed with me being the addict. My mum and dad didnt have a clue what to do and would just get a leaflet for me or something trivial, in fairness to them it was all the unknown but at the time I think I was more annoyed that they didnt know how to help me, if anything they just made it worse so I know where you’re coming from.

I would guess that when your girlfriend has had cocaine (or afterwards) she’s scratched an itch and most likely feels euphoric and happy, when shes not had any for a while or wants some thats most likely when you will get the worst of her.

Have you ever considered or spoke about seeking help for her mental health in terms of anti depressants or counselling? I myself am now on Sertraline which is an anti depressant, believe me I was all anti “happy pills” but after it was explained to me and I was put on a plan it changed my personality and mind so much, for the better. I’m just thinking it sounds very much like there is an underlying issue, and thats not you, and until that is dealt with or controlled she is just going to keep self medicating using what she can get her hands on to feel “normal” in her head.

It’s also good for you to find places like this as an outlet to vent your thoughts and feelings as you need the help too, not just her. Please try and not think its your fault, it really isnt.

[chris81]

Yeah its weird how your brain works, I’ve been on codeine for around 4 – 5 years, gradually getting more and more to the point now its getting to much both financially and health wise, not to mention day to day life.

Yesterday was okay as I kept busy, felt it more on the evening hence having a pick me up but Im trying to keep to a 90mg cap, I dont think my body or mind could take just stopping especially with the years Ive been taking it and the quantity.

I’m feeling quite proud of myself, even though it is only a day and a half which is keeping me motivated, I dare say that will change as time goes on but I’m willing and determined to try and thats the main thing.

Really cold at the moment and as I said before symptoms of having a cold – I think everyone is different and there circumstances etc so I think thats why there is so much conflicting info out there.

I think its just a case of taking each day as it comes and seeing it as a new challenge each day until it starts easing.

[chris81]

Hmmm, so her family could be the root of her problems? So it could be that she’s using substances to “block out” unwanted emotions and feelings as a quick fix rather than coping / dealing with them?

The fact she tells you at all would suggest she does trust you, and love you. It’s very hard for an addict to admit to anyone, let alone themselves, so its a credit to her, and you that she can talk to you, thats a good start.

Does she show an interest in stopping, like in a serious emotional way? I’m guessing you will have already had the “I can take it or leave it” and “yeah I’m going to stop” but has she admitted she has a problem, or said she “wants” to stop?

[chris81]

Sorry Eva just realised you put head “fog” not “frog” lol, that made me smile, I was picturing a person with eyes wide open just sat there 🙂

Bit of head “fog” but I thought I would come on here and try help others too, feels a little harder today, kind of crazy how even just cutting down has its effects!

[chris81]

Hey Eva – What is “headfrog”? 🙂 Sore ears, ermmmm I dont think so, although now you have said that sound does sound is more sensitive, like I noticed the birds tweeting earlier and Im picking up on more distant sounds, most likely because Im not as out of it.

Cold turkey, wow, that is incredible, I’m not that brave Im affraid, and dont think I could function, every credit to you for that!

Ive battled addiction before, crack cocaine, a long time ago, so I have the mental power, although it never gets any easier, its good to have a place to come to for moral support though 🙂

How are you feeling today?

[chris81]

Hey Paul – Thanks for the words 🙂

In short, no, you’re not the problem, you are her crutch, which is a good thing, as much as it may seem pointless.

I was the same, with my parents, my friends, my girlfriend – I had anger towards them and would never stop to think how it was effecting them. To start with obviously no one knew, but when I knew it was becoming a problem I told my girlfriend, she had actually been thinking I was having an affair, from the late nights, being distant, sex life etc, so in a weird way it was a relief to her to find out I wasnt.

Even after telling her I kept using, things got worse in terms of addiction, I spent more than I could afford, begged, borrowed and stole to get a fix and at times even did it in front of her – BUT I honestly believe this was the difference maker, the fact that it wasnt a secret any more and the fact I had someone to talk to and be there for me.

There is one memory that has always stuck with me, as if it had happened not 10 minutes ago, we were arguing as I wanted to go get some, or I could have been asking her for money, one or the other, or both, and I remember walking out of the bedroom and shouting “so why are you even with me then”, her reply was simply “because I love you”, even typing that makes me emotional, the point Im trying to make is that although right in the moment it may feel like your words, or advice, or love, are making no difference what so ever, but I promise you they are, even if in the smallest way it will make a difference and your girlfriend will use those moments to reflect on and draw strength from when the time is right, but its got to be on her terms and when its right for her.

With regards to her family, do you have a good relationship with them? I assume they know what kind of person you are from the amount of time you have been together? They would also know there are two sides to every story.

Have you had a conversation with your girlfriend with regards to stopping? Or thinking of stopping? Does she confide in you when she has taken some?

[Author]

Posts