[clare57]

Mines the same! He’s actually really caring and he’s so gentle but he puts on this huge front and when it’s mixed with the alcohol, it gets scary because the front just takes over. It’s getting so so worrying now because just like yours, he’s saying that he’s seeing people down the street and he just wants to kill them. I’m actually so so worried now that he will cause harm to someone else when he’s like this. Because when he goes back to his normal self, it would break him to realise he’s harmed somebody. He has sent essays on WhatsApp blaming most of his problems on my parents and it has absolutely broken them. I am still trying to keep it all together for the sake of my family but it’s really killing me seeing them in pain.

I really wish there was something we could do to change the way they approach people with addiction because their lives matter too!!!

[clare57]

It’s just me. I am truly sorry. There is no words that can describe a sibling loss is there. People seem to think you can gradually get over it. I once had someone actually say I should be getting over it by now around 3/4 years after my brother passed away. I said god forbid you ever ever have to go through the same. Only then would they realise!

I feel so guilty for thinking that and then I soon change my mind. It’s not what I want at all but sometimes the way he speaks and acts it’s like he’s so emotionally traumatised, he’s beyond repair!

[clare57]

I totally agree with you. I wouldn’t want a single second in his head. He always say we don’t understand etc and truthfully, of course we don’t. We are however, understanding and we will do and have done anything it takes! He has now switched again and is really really scaring me because he said he feelings like killing everybody who looks at him. I’m worried I wake up in the morning and the wrong side has took hold of him and he does something he will regret?

[clare57]

So sorry ???? it’s just so unfair all this stuff has to happen. I really hope the MP gives a sufficient response, they need to!! This cannot keep happening, they cannot keep treating people this way.

[clare57]

Exactly! It makes you feel so helpless and yet so emotionally and mentally drained. But you still can’t sleep no matter how tired you are.

It really is. Society in general needs to be more open to addiction. It’s all about mental health (which I fully support) but then when it goes hand in hand with addiction, it’s a subject nobody wants to go anywhere near!! And then it just leaves everyone to suffer????

[clare57]

Hi Anon.

I completely agree with you! Which to me makes absolutely no sense because they know a lot of people with mental health issues turn to ‘self medication’. They just seem to give up on them when they’re drinking or taking drugs ???? my mom spent a lot of money for him to go back in to rehab last time but he’s relapsed again. Just don’t know what else to do as we have tried everything!

[clare57]

Hiya Anon. I am so sorry???? it’s so not fair and it’s so so difficult to try and live your life when all this is happening. I am 25 and find I am never actually focusing on my life and I’m sure this is the same for you.

I completely agree with you in regards to the NHS. I still don’t think they take it seriously and really do think that alcoholics/drug addicts are worthless when in reality, they’ve no idea what they’ve been through or how hard life has been for them to use alcohol or drugs.

I really really hope that you can get your brother into the 12 step programme. It was really good, just my brother needs extra help in addition with alcohol.

[clare57]

Hi Anon2000. I am sorry you are going through this. Please know you are not alone. My brother is a severe alcoholic and we have tried to help him for well over a decade now. Its making myself and my family ill. I am suffering with really bad anxiety and i try and pretend it doesn’t bother me that much to my parents so i don’t stress them more but really it is killing me.

Have you heard of the 12 step process? My brother did this in rehab but unfortunately, due to his mental state, he relapsed and that is actually why i have joined this forum.

I really hope he gets sorted, truly. I know the pain is unbearable and when you speak of feeling so sorry for your family, I know exactly where you’re coming from. I hope this forum makes you feel even just slightly better

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