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Yes every single day I’m looking for it. Any change in behaviour mind goes bad their and I don’t think it will change I’ve asked him to get his own place because there will never be a relationship in the way he wants. Once that trust has been broken I personally don’t think it can ever be repaired.
It’s awful isn’t it when it’s left all on your shoulders yet it isn’t your doing, it wasn’t your choices but the responsibility seems all on you.
I truly hope you get more support then I did. X
I’m sorry your going through this, it’s an awful place to be and in my experience a very lonely place. People either turn their back on you or pile on the pressure in my experience.
It’s harder I found if there is nowhere for them to go as the guilt you feel it’s overwhelming but at one point I did kick him out but then as the money dried out I was the only person left.
It didn’t come without it’s struggles my house was raided because he’s was classed as an associate and that led to social services my world for a time was a very lonely and bleak one.
But I think kicking him out was also the wake up call because he did get help and he as of yet fingers crossed hasn’t had a blip 19 months on.
His habit was 18 months in total but that I can honestly say was the longest, loneliest and most painful of my life
If you know this isn’t the life you want or accept don’t prolong it.
You just need to be brave and what your scared to do.
To be honest he is probably well aware this isn’t what you want to do and so he knows he can do it anyway.
Your saying all the right things so I’m assuming your battling with yourself almost want one of us to tell you something different. That’s not a dig your in an awful situation we all know it we have been there some still are.
He shouldn’t be doing it in the house where your son and you know your in for even worse ride of sons dad finds out or worse social services. I went through that and it was awful, I felt attacked by them I was doing my best trying to help everyone with no support at all. I wouldn’t wish that on you.
Maybe it will be his wake up call or maybe it will be yours to finish with him. Only you can make the decision.
He might think he’s in control but he isn’t the drug is always in control.
The more he takes his eye off the ball the addiction will take over it’ll increase then if he’s lucky not to be caught he’ll be working just for his addiction
He is now he was crack for 18 months and I’m not sure how long he used heroin for I know it was less. I found out 3 months into it and kicked him out, unfortunately during that time he got a large inheritance payout and blew the majority except a few thousand on it so it was bad. When the money ran dry he came back and ended up in caravan on my garden then the council threatened to evict me because a caravan wasn’t allowed so then I had to let him move back in because no one else would have him luckily by this time I’d found somewhere that could help support him so he had started making small steps to stop using. But I’m pleased to say he’s 19 months clean not one blip so far but if he did I wouldn’t accept it a second time it’s too painful. Even now I don’t trust him.
First of all you you are not failing but I do know that me saying that won’t help because I know exactly what your feeling.
You have to do what’s best for your son and yourself if that’s him leaving that’s what it is.
Don’t feel guilty this was his choice. I know people say addiction is an illness but it also starts with a choice.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do, this is all about him. If he’s in denial nothing you do will help him until he’s ready to admit he’s struggling and using again and then all you can do is support him. It’s a very lonely and stressful road for the loved ones.
I wish I could give some better advise but from experience I don’t feel there’s anything you can do apart from confront with what you know and tell him honestly what that means for you and your son.
For the first time in 18 months of him being clean I’m worried, he’s now been clean for as long as he had his addiction but now as I’ve said I’m worried he lost his mum suddenly last week now he’s sneaking around again and pacing around he’s had his methadone reduced again so maybe it is just that because the end is in sight of him coming off that. In 6 weeks he’ll be off it completely. I’ll never trust him and this is why I wanted him to get his own place because of that I’m not in a relationship with him but he tells people we are because he lives in my house. I hate being trapped in my own thoughts
Hello Liberty
I’m ok thank you. I’m so pleased to hear from you again.
How have you been?
It’s sort of counselling he still goes now 16 months on.
Actually now you have said some things I’ve actually come to abit of realisation such as drugs have always been apart of his life since the age of 13 he was introduced by his sisters boyfriend and it got worse with a certain crowd. But I didn’t know until I found out about his addiction it had been so bad before I thought it was cannabis that was his biggest problem he’ll never give that up.
Also family well his grandparents were always there for him but his parents only ever cared for his sister she could never do any wrong but him he was always the disappointment.
May I ask you all really what do you think made them take this substance my ex says the death of his grandparents but I think that’s a lie because he started it years after their deaths.
Try not to panic easier said than done the chances are despite what he’s said he’s doing crack somewhere. Having said that of you have genuine concerns call the police.
I’ve been through this I think it was 2 or 3 days and he just came knocking at the door and said your looking for me like it was perfectly normal what he had done.
Worriedsister I can’t imagine what having two loved on such substances is like. I only had to deal with one and my mental health took such a downward spiral, it was extremely difficult looking after the children and struggling with mental health and dealing with an addict who simply was very much under the drug and the dealers control.
Maybe you need to get some counselling just so you can vent your feelings. This forum and counselling helped me. Don’t me wrong I’m a different person now I trust no one and suspicious of everyone. Which isn’t the life I wanted but unfortunately the drugs don’t just change the user.