Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Clean slate if you go online places will come up.
He’s been clean approximately 16 months now so for almost as long as he had his habit for and so far not a single relapse. X
Unfortunately whilst their using drugs you don’t come into it your at the back of the queue.
Unfortunately as someone has said you don’t take drugs the drugs take you and that’s so true because once that drug takes hold it doesn’t matter what you say or do all that matters is that drug/drugs until they decide enough is enough.
Unfortunately whilst their using drugs you don’t come into it your at the back of the queue.
Unfortunately as someone has said you don’t take drugs the drugs take you and that’s so true because once that drug takes hold it doesn’t matter what you say or do all that matters is that drug/drugs until they decide enough is enough.
Hi Briannar96
We’ve all been where you are and it truly is heartbreaking and while their out thinking their having a great time your there going out of your mind with worry.
Unfortunately this is something you can’t control he won’t stop until he wants to stop and in order for that he has to admit there’s a problem.
Has he ever done something like this before or used other drugs before ?
My ex was on crack for 18 months and it was the worst experience of my life , it was the loneliest time of my life. Not only that but I didn’t recognise myself it made me become anxious, depressed and withdrawn because I went on a mission to find out where he was and who he was with but it was all a waste of time. He also at some point started doing heroin.
But on the positive one day after many arguments he finally got help and that was in the October, didn’t hold out much hope as he was still using and I thought what’s the point but in the January it stopped and to my knowledge and I’m quite confident he hasn’t used since he’s now been clean for 16 months. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it could take alot of time and do alot of damage. I still struggle with trust and I can’t forgive what he put me and our children through, I had social services involved because of it and I was terrified of losing my children because of his stupidity.
I wish I could say do this and he’ll stop but it doesn’t work that way.
I hope you and your son will be OK maybe with it being so early on if you kick him out it might give him a reality check but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t.
I know exactly what your thinking with last part what kick him out and push him further to the problem but you need to think of yourself and son too and your mental health. If you look on alot of these you will see it takes it’s toll on the families too.
Take care xx
Hi Liberty
I’m so sorry to hear about your financial situation, covid really did mess us all up in more ways than one. I really hope it gets better for you.
I can understand why you resent the drugs especially when because of them your sort of having to play the role of mum.
One thing I’ve noticed a few times is how you make excuses and blame yourself, don’t do that.
For example you said you did things in spite to hurt him so he did it back, Liberty we’ve all done it because this awful drug doesn’t just stay with the user it takes us all on the journey even when we don’t want to be.
You say you think he wants to end the relationship, why do you think that ? Because you said when you cut all ties he came running back.
To me and obviously I could be very wrong of course only you really know, but to me he sounds like he’s quite manipulative with you.
You just need to remember that in your relationship is 3 and that drug is the most dominant, while ever he takes it you’ll never be his priority unfortunately.
This is going to sound cruel and absolutely do not mean it to be at all but maybe him leaving the relationship would be the kindest thing he could do for you both.
You don’t deserve this no one does and I think because he’s been on it so long the chances of him stopping now is too slim. So maybe it’s time you took control and you walked away because you staying and providing him with food and what ever else well in a way your still enabling him. He knows while ever your around your going to provide the stuff he really needs which means he can spend more on it because your going to support him with other bits. He might not mean to be but in a way it sounds like he’s using you.
Life is certainly calmer now. And things have settled down he still doesn’t have his own place yet and I know that he’s avoiding it but thinks will never be what they were before. I’ll never get over the pain and chaos he caused whilst on it. I can’t forget it, it’s always there in the back of my mind, it’s apart of our lives now even now he’s not using and hasn’t had a blip,it’s still there a little voice keeps telling but don’t forget what he did. And that is the sad truth it’s in our past but still won’t let me move on. He hates even mentioning it, he’s stopped so forget it never happened but for me I can’t forget the the devastation those 15 months I knew about it caused.
Liberty no matter what I will always be here to listen to you whenever you need me to be. No matter what you decide.
But just try putting your needs first for a change. Xx
I’m completely with you. They can never say never and I feel like I’m always on guard for that, I have to be for my children aswell as myself.
Sadgfogcrackuser it is possible to stop, to recover but it’s not as easy as what does it take ? My ex is 10 months clean and he’s not had a single slip up ( touch wood) . I don’t know what made him stop, I tried everything.
Honestly it sent me crazy for a while.
It was a very difficult and heartbreaking time.
He was on crack and heroin for 18 months and I found out 3 months in and i can honestly stay it felt like an eternity that what I would usually say short time was the hardest thing I’ve had to go through the damage and trouble it caused was unbelievable.
And I’m well aware that for some people that time frame is/was nothing.
But it is possible to stop and recover but it’s when they want and nothing more.
Liberty,
This is so sad. Have you tried looking to another support group who may know more ?
If he’s selling in order to sustain his habit and under the control of dealers and drugs the only hope is the police will get hold of him.
I’m not going to lie I became a detective when he was doing it and when I found the location I anonymously reported the dealers house or trap house to the police. When he was around and asleep I went through his phone and got their numbers and gave them to police it made me a bit crazy.
The dealer he was once with is on the run now and has been for almost a year. Although their not looking for him that good because he’s still operating.
You might not know at first how to go on but you would in time.
And if he continues the way he is, you will have to anyway because he’ll either be in prison or worse. Being sectioned would you have to contact his doctor and with not being his wife a family member would probably have to do it. It’s worth considering it might save him.
For me things are OK he’s been clean a year this month. He still gets on my nerves and his speak still isn’t very good but he’s off it.
Hi Liberty
I’m so sorry to hear this. I think the harsh reality is you now have to put yourself first and ask yourself what do you want for yourself.
It sadly doesn’t look like he’ll ever quit so you have to sit down alone and think seriously is this what I want for my life ?
You can be his friend if you don’t feel you can cut him off but I think it maybe time to end the relationship.
You’ve done all you can and it hasn’t done anything
You’ve needed his support and all he’s been bothered about is his own needs/wants.
Unfortunately it seems that the drug is in full control especially if he’s upped his usage.
I’m so heartbroken for you that things have worsened for you, life can be so cruel.
It sounds like he’s given up and given himself to the drug take completely over.
I don’t think there’s anything left liberty for you in this relationship, you need to put yourself first it’s time to break away.
Liberty
What I’ve just read is very concerning. I know you love him and want to support him but I’m concerned you might be putting yourself in harms way.
If he really wanted to try and beat his addiction he would give a drug worker a try.
When you say you think it may have made him mentally unbalanced I can see truth in that.
He doesn’t seem to be right even when he’s been off for months. I think it has left some kind of lasting damage. When he speaks it just doesn’t make sense at times, I can’t explain it but I don’t believe he’s come away from it scot free.
I really wish I had the answers for you, to tell you this will end for you and things will be better for you both.
There’s someone who lives in my old area who has been on crack for many years, his mum overdosed and died from it and he still decided to take that path.
He does come off it sometimes but soon goes back to it.
I guess it’s all he knows he’s vile to his partner but she stands by him and they’ve had children together but I feel for them. He’s not a nice person at all but there must be occasions when he’s nice to her.
I just don’t want that for you. Xx
Hi Liberty
I’m so happy to hear from you. I had hoped that things had changed for the better for you and that was why you had been quiet.
I have now moved and he is still here with us, he hasn’t used since January so that’s good. But the trust has gone and I don’t think that will ever return. I’m still off work and that’s got a bit complicated but I guess in some ways I was getting fed with the job I was in so maybe a change is what I need.
I’ll always be here if you want to talk xx
Hi Liberty
I’m so happy to hear from you. I had hoped that things had changed for the better for you and that was why you had been quiet.
I have now moved and he is still here with us, he hasn’t used since January so that’s good. But the trust has gone and I don’t think that will ever return. I’m still off work and that’s got a bit complicated but I guess in some ways I was getting fed with the job I was in so maybe a change is what I need.
I’ll always be here if you want to talk xx
I hope you are well liberty it’s been a long time since I heard from you. I hope things have got better for you. X
So happy for you xx
Hi Liberty
Things are alright. I may be moving soon so that’s good news .
I’m sorry to hear things haven’t really got much better for you. I guess with him using for so long it’s harder.