Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I really wish I could give you the answer to that.
I guess for some it’s harder than others and as you’ve said he’s been on it for many years, maybe he doesn’t remember how life is without it.
I remember thinking the exact same thing not all that long ago.
My heart goes out to you liberty it really does.
Always here if you need to talk x
Hi Liberty
No I’m still not at back at work yet.
He’s fine with testing him.
Helping out his dealer is never a good sign from my experience.
So how are things going now ? Is he still be distant ?
Hi Liberty
I’ve cooled down a little now. Test was negative. I’ve decided I think I’ll do random testing. The search for finding him a home is still ongoing and it’s getting frustrating as no one wants to help. My family are becoming suspicious and I hate lying but being truthful with result in more arguments.
How are things going for you ? X
You have to do what’s right for you. We can’t just be here to pick up the pieces all the time.
Was there a reason he relapsed? Or did he just do it ?
I feel like if something happened it’s slightly different.
Ultimately only you know if you can do this again and if you can’t it’s ok. X
He hasn’t been tested. The week was fine until I saw a text asking for some. He is adamant he didn’t have any and said to test him. I’m going to get him to one. I’m disgusted in him and I’ve told him you fail a test and there’s no going back you’ve had far too many chances and I’ve supported you when you have betrayed me and the children in one of the worst ways. The things you put us through they’ll never be forgotten.
I do fear it will be positive. What’s worse for me is if it is he didn’t need it, he chose it again.
I’m pleased to hear things are looking better for you.
First of all don’t blame yourself nothing you have done has caused any of this. It’s him and him alone.
Everything you have said was me last year I went crazy trying absolutely everything to try and stop the madness of it all.
But it was only myself I hurt the most.
He’s now been clean a little over 5 weeks now but I found on his phone that he’s tried to get some. I’ve told him do it again you are on your own, I will not put my children and self through the pain we went through last year.
They don’t understand what we go through. It changes us too.
Take care x
Thank you so much liberty.
I don’t think I’ll trust anyone again the way I use to.
I really hope by Friday your bf does prove you wrong. To be honest he use to say to me he was cutting down but because I never truly knew what he was on at his worse or at all really it made no difference to me all I knew was he was using. So maybe he did cut down and that’s how he’s managed to stop now.
I hope good things happen for us both liberty. You are such a lovely person and you truly deserve happiness x
Thank you once again liberty. I know you,you didn’t mean to make me jealous and I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just I wish I was like you, like I had your drive. I wish I had something to look forward to or just to take my mind of things.
I’m being pathetic, I’ve no clue what’s wrong with me. I should be feeling better surely, he’s clean so why does it still so stressful and frustrating?
Maybe I’m am part of the issue.
I can’t believe how much you’ve been through you had so pain and tragedy and yet your still hopeful and driven.
That’s what makes me think I’m trapped in the past or something.
I can’t move on from the lies and betrayal. It’s like as I sit here writing this I’m thinking about things that happened this time last year. Like the anniversary of his grandma’s death is coming up and his birthday last year he ditched us to spend the evening with his dealer and having steaks and champagne. Also my baby would of been due next week and guilt and pain of that is crushing. X
As I read both posts it’s like I’m sat there with you both. I feel the pain your going through. The lies and betrayal just become normal. Unfortunately with addiction what we feel doesn’t matter, it’s all about that drug and how they can get their hands on it or how they feel about it.
Liberty- I’m off sick from work at the moment I think the past year has just caught up with me. It’s most definitely been a roller coaster that I hope has come to an end.
I really feel like I’ve lost myself, I’ve no passion or anything. I’ve sat and thought maybe while I’m off I’ll do a course or something but then I think I’m not interested in anything, there’s nothing there at all.
I’m jealous of you in way that despite all of what your going through you still have passion to do something that your interested in.
I didn’t realise how bad things have been. Stabbed 7 times that’s awful thank goodness he’s pulled through, it just goes to show how bad things get in the world of addiction as you know he was attacked too nothing too serious.
Roseht36- it’s hard I know but don’t take things too personally. You will always be the bad guy while their on that because you don’t want them to be an addict, you see them being on that as a problem and they see it as a buzz, a feel good factor, I don’t really know but what they see as good we know and see it as bad and they don’t want to accept that.
This forum, liberty especially has been a huge help for me. When I’ve felt at my lowest coming on here has really helped because we’re not alone but I know that we feel like we are alot. Whenever you want to chat or rant or anything myself and most likely liberty will be here for you.
Take care both of you xx
I just don’t feel positive, I’m always waiting for a knock at the door and something bad to happen. I have no trust in not just him but anyone.
I feel as though people have been waiting for my downfall and no one wants me to recover.
As for his case worker I was surprised she would say that so but wasn’t what I was surprised by most, what surprised maybe even surprised, shocked me the most was when she stood in front of us both and said you know you could still use a bit and not be addicted. People do use crack and heroin occasionally and not become addicted. I didn’t want to fly off the handle in front of her but I really wanted to say what a stupid thing to say to an addict. Luckily he didn’t say well I can have a but she’s just said so.
Bless you it’s just such a difficult situation and no one can tell you what to do. I’m avoiding speaking to the little family I have left because they always want to bring it up and then it makes me feel uncomfortable and if I don’t give the answer they want it’s world war 3 so then you have to bend the truth a little then if your caught it’s your a liar. I can’t win.
I hope keeping busy is working out for you but just don’t burn yourself out. X
He’s been fine. Yes he’s cut all contact with everyone but his drug worker said he has to learn to mix with people again. I think at this early stage I prefer him not to mix when he gets stronger then that’s fine but to me it’s too early.
I’m ok trying to remain positive but it’s so hard. I mean this really is his first time truly attempting to be clean.
How about you? X
The test was clear and he got paid and he’s still crack free. Still 22 days clean is still a short time but it seems to be getting easier for him.
Of course you haven’t said too much I don’t mind what you say.
You still sound like your doing alot for him. He’s starting to put weight on again which is nice to see. He actually just seems to eat and sleep now. I guess maybe it’s his bodys way of making up from when he was the drugs and only the drugs. I don’t know.
It sounds like there is a slight improvement your end. I hope this is the start of all our lives changing for the better.
It’s just such a long road. X
It sounds like you are struggling with it all, it sounds like your fed up of always supporting him and getting nothing but lies and empty promises.
After 18 years it’s very hard to imagine life without him, my family will never accept him back now.
My mum and her partner never liked him anyway and almost took get pleasure in it when I told them I’d found out he’d been taking crack. Looking back I wish I never told them but at the time I was so shocked and devastated I turned to my family big mistake.
We are getting on fairly well at the moment but he was a bit sneaky yesterday and that’s making me concerned that money is coming tomorrow.
I would love to think that this whole drug stuff is behind us but I fear it isn’t.
I think we may be better as friends. So I think what’s next is hopefully he’ll get his own place and I’ll move and hopefully all this can be put in the past.
How are you feeling today ? X
Liberty, it doesn’t sound crazy at all.
Being with or standing by an addict is hard work. You set yourself up for disappointment and heartache in some ways. Your always there for them but who’s there for you, for us ?
We are the ones that become isolated in some ways. We can’t or won’t tell people what’s really going on for fear of being judged or them being judged.
I do feel like something has changed with you, or am I wrong ?
You sound deflated. I can’t blame for that you’ve been so strong, so supportive of him and haven’t really had anything back.
How long have you been together ? if you don’t mind me asking.
I was with mine for 18 years.
We are still friends and we have a weird set up he lives with me still but hopefully that will change soon. I think he needs to stand on his own two feet for a while as I’ve said at the moment he’s doing well but the biggest test will be Tuesday when he has money.
Always here if need to chat x
Hello Liberty
Nothing really happened I just found a pipe, I say found it was on the side in a box. And straight away I thought he had had or would use so I went ballistic. He then went on to say I’m crazy because that’s all I think about.
Anyway to cut a long story short I went with him for his test and it is all clear no substance apart from his medication. For now this is great. The biggest test will be Tuesday.
This week has a been a positive social services are closing the case too. Such a relief.
Aww I’m sorry to hear he’s gone straight back out to do it again. I really feel for you, I know just how much you must be hurting right now.
Why do you think he’s lied about it when he doesn’t normally?
It makes it so much worse I feel when they lie. To be perfectly honest he has always lied to me about it that’s why the other night I thought the worst.
You know where I am if you need to talk or rant x