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I’ll be honest it is very hard especially when their not ready to admit there’s a problem.
I’m sure he loves his children but he has to realise that if he takes the drugs while looking after the children he’s putting them at risk.
My ex because of who he use to be around got my house raided and social services involved they take drug abuse very seriously.
And if they was to out your husband looks after them being an addict they would take action.
Please don’t think im trying to scare you, I’m only speaking from my own personal experience.
I get the freaking out part because I do it. It’s awful and they have no how we feel and I don’t think they care. It’s all about chasing the fix.
I hope he sees sense x
Hi Liberty
At this very moment I’m in a bit of panic yesterday he said he was going to the shop at 2.40 and he’s not come back yet. I’m really worried. He goes for hours but not like this he always comes back.
I too don’t know although I am in touch with other agencies but I dont feel like they help.
Don’t beat yourself up about getting reeled in, it happened to me to this week and I regret it now massively
LLL1234
He definitely does need help but as I’m sure already aware if he won’t admit to his problem or accept there is one then there’s nothing you can do.
There are two big worries here and I am not judging please do not think that. We are all doing the best we can with the addicts we’re involved with. But the two worries are him having the children while your at work and the physical abuse he has started with you.
If he doesn’t want to sleep with you and as he says you’ve not been honest about your past so that’s why he uses has he mentioned moving out ?
The thing is with addicts well in my experience they will use every excuse as to why they use to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.
I really feel for you. I think you may need to seek advice from other agencies that can help you.
Take care of yourself x
Peartree girl
Again I hear some of what your seeing in myself. The one thing I am envious of you and liberty is that your men in your lives talk to you. He never speaks to me, lies yes all the time but be honest NEVER. I give him the benefit of doubt god knows why he always let’s me down. The other night I let myself down. He was doing well and I made a very stupid mistake. He too ‘borrows’ money and it never gets repaid. He has been on crack for about 21 months and just few weeks ago I found out heroin was part of the problem no clue how long he used that for. I been told by a professional that often the 2 go hand in hand. I didn’t know that. And it doesn’t make me feel better. He’s been on methadone for just over a month and at the weekend he went to the chemist 10 minutes before closing and they refused to give it him so of course he used and yesterday he didn’t get it again. He had money yesterday so I think it was deliberate.
I am the same as you in the sense I worry all the time when I’m not with or he’s not in sight. My mind does overtime I automatically believe he’s scoring or something he shouldn’t be.
My life has been turned upside down for the past year that’s when I found out about the crack a year ago.
I really can’t carrying on for another or more like this.
Is he on the mortgage/tenancy? If not it’s easier to get him to leave.
His parents are also the same no longer their problem. Yet I have children to think about which they’ve decided to ignore.
I wish there was no love left, I feel like it would be easier.
I wish someone could give is the answers as to what to do.
It’s so exhausting having an addict in your life isn’t it ?
Why can’t they see the damage they cause ?
The damage the drugs cause ?
The damage the people who sell it to them cause ?
Ygzr
Don’t ever feel ashamed. On this forum everyone is pretty much in the same boat, so please don’t feel ashamed. The only person/ people who should feel ashamed is the people profiting from the addictions people have.
Hi Liberty
I so glad to hear from you, I thought I may have put too much on you.
I’m glad you managed to talk things through.
And yes I do try to protect him. And also yes it is terrifying, sometimes I don’t know if reading about others helps or just sends my mind into overtime. I think both depending on how I’m feeling.
Do you think a part of him wants to stop it’s just too hard to ?
It’s heartbreaking that he asked that question, I’m at that moment you felt your world crumble too.
This habit is tragic for everyone involved. The grip it has on them. I actually don’t understand what the buzz is, do you ? Is there a buzz or is it just a case of need ?
To be completely honest with you, I’m the same I couldn’t/ wouldn’t forgive myself if I walked away and something happened to him.
If only we woke up one day and this nightmare was over for us all them especially.
I did see the post, are you going to contact them ?
Oh liberty for a moment there i felt like it was me who wrote your post. When does it end ? If I only I knew.
He has spoken badly of me to alot of people, quite a few of told me that and that was before and during his addiction. He’s never been one for always telling the truth. And it’s become worse with this.
Yes my children were very close to their grandparents but they’ve made no effort in over a year to see them. No cards or anything for Christmas or birthdays. Not even a text despite having their numbers.
I too ordered him some food but he never came in for it that filth was far more important. Everytime I think we’re turning a corner does he throw it back in my face.
He also does that to me i can see he’s online but he deliberately ignores my messages. Then will make an excuse as to why he didn’t reply.
I don’t believe you are sabotaging your relationship and I think you know that. He is doing that.
This is just my opinion and I hope I don’t upset but I do think your clutching at straws but it’s to stay in your relationship not to leave it.
What is he doing to save your relationship?
Again I’ve said the same if he had cheated it would of been so much easier than this. But I also wonder that while under the influence has he done something too. I read on some else’s post that she believed her bf sold himself to get his fix.
You’ve kept your relationship separate to everything else because you know no one is going to approve of him, it’s not like you can say he’s a recovering addict.
My family have never liked my ex even before all this he’s done some chappy things in past and I always forgave him and moved on but they never did.
I think your your right the burden does become too much to bare especially when the person your doing this for doesn’t do the same for you.
To be honest it sounds like we are in similar boats I can’t deal with everytime he has money he blows the progress he’s made.
To me all this tells me is this poison is far more important then his children and if his children doesn’t come first he has to be alone and just be happy with crap he’s chosen to put in himself. Xx
The thing with us was so different to your situation liberty. Basically I had, had my suspicions of drug use and knew if I asked him out right he would lie so while he was sleeping I went looking for evidence and I found it. I confronted him and of course a lie came out. I think it was a day or two later that I noticed things (Christmas gifts) were going missing, he was acting suspicious so again I went looking not sure what for and in a draw I found a gift. I hit the roof and told him to leave and never come back which he did without complaint. He tried to explain or anything he just left. Then a day or two later I heard his car in night, he tried to hide it and sneak down to the house out of sight but I’d already clocked him when he got close enough and I knew I’d be quick enough to confront him before he ran off like child I demanded the key back. And again he gave it up without complaint.
I didn’t see him for a few weeks after that. He then got in contact with our eldest child he saw them few times and I said because of the children he could stay Xmas eve to see the kids in the morning but then he would leave, he agreed but he never showed he blanked them to take that all Christmas and new year even his family abandoned them. He got back in contact without explanation a few weeks later but seeing for minutes and at a time which made me angry. Then his birthday came I knew it was a difficult time due to grandparents deaths being at this time also. I said come round we’ll have a take away and that so your not alone again he agreed. But on the day his dealer took him to a fancy restaurant buying him champagne which he doesn’t like and cocktails which he always claimed was girly so would never have one with me. Anyway to cut long story short thats how it was until October when he was attacked he dipped in and out.
It’s hard, really hard when you have feelings for someone and they can’t/ won’t help themselves.
He was doing so well but Sunday was relapse day and today he’s had money so we’ve not seen him and tomorrow he gets money so once that’s gone again he’ll be selfish.
Today I’ve told him stop saying to people I’m your girlfriend, I’m not, I stopped being that when you decided to take these drugs. He never responded.
I’m slowly becoming like you detaching myself as best I can. But I’m still not very good at it. I dont regret it but it is hard.
Do you think he called his sister ?
You have to ask yourself how long have I got to keep putting myself last for ? I’ve got to ask myself the same thing.
How long have we got to put up with all their crap before our feelings are acknowledged?
I think deep down we both know the answer to that. But it’s the hope we hold on to that tells us to keep trying.
I don’t feel in control. I don’t think I ever will be with this.
I’m going to try to have a conversation with him tomorrow if I can keep my anger in check. X
Unfortunately he went and got some yesterday but I knew it would happen. But he’s been ok.
Try not to take any notice he’s trying to hurt you to justify himself that’s what I’ve learnt from him. He makes excuses and tries putting the blame on me for things so he can justify himself.
You are good person and you know you are. To deal with all that you have and still keep being there for him and supporting him.
I wish I had the answers for you I really do. I think your doing the right thing just step back and take some time for yourself. I must admit you do sound different now from when we first spoke. I think he may be pushing you too far. Which I can guarantee he’ll regret but it maybe the making of you, but only time will tell and whatever you decide I’ll be here if you need to talk.
Take care of yourself xx
If you think ringing his sister is for the best do it.
He went to get some car parts, he’s been fixing their car all day only problem he lost track of time and missed the chemist so he has no medication til Monday total nightmare god knows what will happen now. Well we definitely know what will happen.
I was doing good until he told me that.
Hey liberty
Don’t play to his tune he did that to justify going out and doing what he wants to do. It’s basically emotional blackmail.
He’s done the same to me this morning been good for 2 days then making out he’s doing something he’s taken my car again and the best bit with the very person who got him on it in the first place.
I’m furious right now.
I hope your OK and he does come to his senses but let’s be honest I think this is how their always going to be now.
Wish I could be more positive but we know the drill. X
I’ve said the same to him before, they don’t seem to realise that their habit affects other people. I’ve told him many times this isn’t just about you, what you do drags me and the children down with you but unfortunately the penny doesn’t drop.
This habit makes them become very selfish in my opinion. And someday as awful as it sounds the only way out of it does seem to be death. I don’t wish it on him really but I do know how you feel, I do know how he’s pushed you so far you say the words.
He seems to be doing OK for now but he’s got a job on this morning and he’s getting money next week so I think we know how that will turn out.
Xx
Aww Holly I’m sorry to hear your birthday was tainted by this habit.
I hope your OK.
It is good but I’m no fool dare say it’ll rare it’s ugly head again.
I do feel for because there’s nothing worse then thinking or knowing they owe money.
I’m not sure if I told he was slashed last month it wasn’t for owing money so he says it was because they wanted what he had.
It could of been worse thankfully no serious harm was caused.
Always here if you want to chat. X
Hi Liberty
I know deep down i made the right decision but it’s never going to leave me. The baby would of due near his birthday, which Is also two of the anniversaries of his grandparents deaths. So dreading when that comes up.
To be honest he hasn’t been to bad, he hasn’t used at all today. I don’t know If that means he’ll pay for it tomorrow. He said he felt sick earlier but he went to bed and slept for a good 5 hours.
I’m sorry it seems your bf has not had it good this week. It’s a none stop roller coaster.
But on a positive well done for getting a bonus it’ll be a well deserved pick me up. X
Hi HollyBush
It’s been a strange time. You think he’s turned a corner then something else turns up.
At the moment things are ok but who knows how long that will last to my knowledge he’s not used at all today.
How are you?