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I wish I did have control, I wish we both did had enough that we could stop them being this way.
You made a good decision not to have children with your husband if that is the way he was. He may of only got worse.
With my last pregnancy it came as a shock there was a fairly large gap between them and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it again. He did, so we decided to go ahead little did I know that just before I gave birth he would start this horrendous habit. Im glad I’ve had my baby but if knew what would have happened I’m not sure i would of. I fell pregnant again after but obviously knowing what he was I didn’t carry on I live with that guilt all the time. Him on the other hand hasn’t gave it a second thought.
Hope your OK xx
Your so right being angry doesn’t do anything. Nothing does.
That’s 100% me I get angry when he ignores and get even more angry when he admits what I already know.
It makes total sense I do this too my mind goes on overtime. I always think the worst and get stressed and worked up about it and that’s when my anxiety kicks in.
That’s the thing I don’t know what’s or low for him. And that drives me crazy.
You don’t sound like a loser but I do think you’ll look back and regret some things. You said you wanted children but your husband didn’t, I’m assuming you still don’t have any children. If that is the case you may look back and regret that neither your husband or boyfriend could give you that.
It’s heavy but true. I know I have to stop some of the things I do but I just don’t know how.
He probably did only bring it back because he had no choice. He claims he never used as much as I’m saying and normally I’d agree but I saw it with my own eyes and just so happened to take note of it that very day.
His car was siezed by the police got pulled over one too many times for being under the influence of drugs.
He hates the truth, he can’t stand hearing it because he knows it’s all wrong. But instead of admitting things or facing up to things he’ll shut down, go completely silent and not speak he’ll just have a look on his face that I use to fall for but now it gets me angry. I hate that he tries to play the victim. He betrayed me, he betrayed our children and yet he wants to be the victim.
See when he does it, he keeps out of the way so I’ve never actually seen him high as such.
He’s never been much of a talker especially when he’s in the wrong. So i guess I’ll never get answers.
I bet I sound so weak and pathetic to you.
You seem so strong and know what’s going on. Me, i feel I’m always in the dark. He’ll do well for days then be an absolute selfish so In so. It sort of leads you into a false sense of security only to snatched away in a second. If that makes sense.
His teeth seem ok. He hates the dentist (not that you can go now anyway) but they could do with a professional clean.
X
Yes you are explaining well I’ve been on nights so probably that’s why I didn’t understand at first.
Your exactly right I don’t want to be enabler. It’s so hard he took my car again today he said he’d be a matter of minutes it was hours again I tried not to lose my cool and I succeeded until later on when we went to pick up his meds and he left me 2 miles knowing I have work tonight it had 54 mile left so I was fuming. And went a rant about how selfish he is. I knew I lost the battle he did his silent battered puppy look. No apology no nothing which just infuriates me more.
He doesn’t have anyone yet his family is huge.
That’s really good that he can speak to his dad after that. That proves there is still decent person there. If you know what I mean. People make assumptions that all drug users are horrible or bad but the drugs take them down a horrendous path but somewhere in there is still the nice person. They aren’t bad people they’ve made a decision that cost them a lot.
One thing I’d like him to stop and think about but God knows when it’ll happen is to ask calmly what have you gained from this habit what is the good things it’s brought to you ? And now the bad, what has this habit cost you not in money but what have you lost by having this habit ?
That is what I really want to know. I want to know what amazing things these drugs has done for him.
Like you I know if I wasn’t around disaster would strike. But at the moment I’m failing to see how much worse it could get. Maybe because I’m working with very little sleep I feel this way.
I really can’t live another year like this.
I’m glad I’ve been able to help/support you although I’m sure how I have.
Stay safe and take care of yourself always here if you need to chat I dont know what would of happened to me without you honestly. X
Thank you liberty.
Usually he isn’t violent but I’ll admit since using there have been a couple of incidents. But nothing too bad.
I do completely understand what your saying i guess I do need to back off a bit.
In all honesty no I don’t think he knows what he’s doing to himself.
I really do need to learn to just leave it but it’s so hard and frustrating. How do you mean police his own rules ?
I have no idea what would happen or maybe I do and that’s why I am like I am.
I guess I’m going to have to be more like you and let go abit. Maybe I am suffocating him but I hate what he’s doing and don’t understand for the life of me what is so appealing.
Thank you so much for your advice and support I am trying to look out just for the children and myself but it’s so hard.
Do you have plenty of support? I feel like your always here for me but I can’t really help you. I wish I could. X
Hi liberty
I’m ok thank you. It’s very hard to stay level headed but I’m trying to. He told the social worker he’s fed up of me accusing him of stuff (he means using obviously) and I did yes I do, do that because I’ve become so paranoid now. I wish I could stop i really do. The social worker did say can you blame her for that.
I think for drug dealers it’s easy money they don’t care about the damage it does it’s just their payday. I know exactly what your saying I’ve imagined all sorts when comes to dealers but I realise another one is just around the corner ready to swoop in.
Yes he does have loads of unstable relationships. This has only just dawned on me that there’s no one who cares about him enough to want or encourage him to kick the habit. That’s heartbreaking in it’s self as he’s not a bad person he’ll help anyone and everyone if he can and if he can’t he’ll try to find someone who can. That’s what’s so sad the amount of people he’s helped and now it’s his turn there’s no one. This isn’t covid related this is how it would be regardless.
I’d love for him to go to rehab be away from all the negative people and temptation. Maybe I’m being naive but I actually think if he went he wouldn’t use again.
I’m glad your both in a good place. There’s going to be bumps in the road we both know that. It’s longer road to recovery then it is for addiction unfortunately. Xx
I didn’t have a clue this so called friend dabble with it too. I was totally disgusted because he is a single dad. I wouldn’t of believed it of I didn’t see the messages.
His dad has never been supportive ever. He’s always favoured the other child they should of stopped at one child because they’ve never been decent parents to him although his mum is a bit better but is very controlled by the dad.
He is suppose to be getting help from a recovery place but he went they gave him methadone and he’s had no contact since which I think is disgusting.
He also had a bereavement crisis person call him and our social worker helps.
Yes teach me a lesson unbelievable isn’t it ? It was him that asked me to save it for him. He claims he hasn’t used heroin in over a week but I don’t believe that, that’s what the weekend was about I’m sure of it but crack is everyday. He says he’s cut down alot but his mum has been giving him money to keep him away behind his dad’s back.
Oh no I’m so sorry to hear he’s disappeared.
These drugs/dealers have alot to answer for.
The guy that was his main dealer who got him in so very deep and had the whole inheritance is now wanted by police they called me to ask if I knew of his whereabouts unfortunately I didn’t.
How are you feeling about it ?
It’s heartbreaking isn’t it ?
Liberty,
I’m so glad to hear that things are going well for you and your boyfriend.
It’s crazy how he’s now telling you things now you’ve stopped showing care but in a good way.
I really hope this continues.
Yes very underestimated how it can take control in such little time.
No he hasn’t been removed and he has come back but I’ve told this is most definitely the last time I will not be put through this all the and especially my children will not be put through it. He says he did it to teach me a lesson because I took his methadone which technically I didn’t I always save it for him until Sunday because he has his dose at the chemist Saturday and he brings Sunday back. He himself said I don’t trust myself not to have it early so I save it for him. But Sunday morning he was going crazy for it and I tried to hold him off as normally he doesn’t have it until tea time.
Unfortunately the friend I thought would get through to him it turns out he likes to dabble with crack himself and had been asking him to get him some. When I found out I was fuming as I had confided in him keeping him up to date with what he was doing.
It’s sad about that guy now begging but still sometimes I feel like it was your choice.
Yes if they knew the full extent of what it does it does make you wonder would they choose it ? I’d like to think not.
My ex has lost his home, his relationship, his children to an extent, his car and his driving licence plus the money his grandparents wanted him to have for a better life.
And that is In less than 2 years.
I think that’s major.
Xx
Thank you liberty.
No he’s never been to prison but I do feel like it’s going to happen in the future. He went nearly a month of being ok but this weekend a total nightmare. I got my car last night the police got it for me. I do understand there are going to be bumps in the road but its the selfishness of it all, not even to answer the phone.
I’m glad things seem to be getting better for you and your bf I really hope that continues for you.
It’s unbelievable how much control drugs have.
Recovery isn’t really recovery. He’s using he’s gone off the rails. The police are currently out looking for him as he’s stolen my car. I’m so tired of trying to help him and getting thrown in my face so tomorrow the social worker is being called and I’m telling I want him off my property and if he wants to in drug dens then I’m more than happy to let that happen. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. I’m sick of all the crap he brings me. Drugs obviously make him happy and his kids and I mean nothing. So I’m letting him go.
Glad your boyfriend is trying and your feeling better about things. I don’t know how you’ve done it for so long. It’s like torture for me.
Liberty I am not going to judge you. And you don’t need to justify yourself to me or anyone else.
I hope your OK it’s been a little while. X
Hi liberty
I think my reply was deleted for some reason.
Good question for what is normal , normal for me now would be not forever on edge , not feeling anxious about him using. It would be nice to not feel like I’m his mum.
How does he know his dealer well someone he knows introduced him.
He got his inheritance due to his grandparents deaths.
He’s had a chat with a bereavement councillor today.
Jaynhissay
I’ve got no idea what to think at the moment. He claims the guy did the pipe for him and he thought it was crack until he smoked and said this isn’t right what is it. Everyone their was laughing but he became hooked straight away which now does explain methadone which I was struggling with understanding before but had sometimes it is given to people with crack addiction.
He’s the gift that keeps on giving but not in a good way obviously.
I hope your feeling a bit better and more on track now, you did well to get through that day.
Liberty
Anger and upset makes you sometimes say or do things you wouldn’t normally say and do don’t beat yourself up and it. I’ve said many times that maybe death would be the kindest thing if the habit can’t be broken which is nice or right but when angry, hurt and feeling constantly betrayed these are sometimes the feelings we do feel.
I’ll be honest with you I don’t really know anything about drugs like you said I know about green but everything else I’m pretty clueless because it isnt my world.
He knew I was against drugs and after the length of time we were together he should of known how devastated we would all be but clearly he didn’t care.
I don’t think I can blame covid because his dealer got him in so deep having said that it could of made things a little worse he lived with his dealer when his inheritance came through which went within 2 months and it was a substantial amount.
I just want to feel normal again, be happy again but I just can’t see that day coming.
I hope you both are feeling better than me. Take care both of you.
He’s back, he came back later that day . Ive told him I can’t keep going in circles.
Today has been a revelation he accidentally admitted to using heroin my worst fear.
Which does explain his medication I thought it was odd but I did read that sometimes it is given.
He’s adamant he hasn’t used that since but how do i trust him now?
He said that someone who he hung around with said it was crack and after he smoked it he said to him this isn’t right they all laughed and he carried on using.
I too am hoping to move, I definitely need to get away.
They don’t realise how selfish they are do they ? How using us emotionally to get want they want sets us back.
I’m doing OK considering you?
Sending love to you too also I just want to say thank you genuinely if I didnt have you to talk to I think I’d go insane x