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Hi

I desperately need some advice

I too found out my husband was a cocaine addict last summer but he only admitted to me that he had a problem with it in November.

At this point I was on the brink of putting the divorce proceedings in place and we were trying to agree financial settlements -it was very one sided (mine). He was still denying he had a cocaine problem until I found a bag of Coke and so he was finally backed into a corner.

I now recognise the signs when he’s taken / taking it (smokes a lot more/ drinking more/ avoiding me / stays up late etc).

In November the deal then was

– we divorce and he leaves or

– he gets help

I sat with him whilst he self-referred himself – he took weekly calls as the lockdown stopped face to face support meetings

He missed a few calls and spoke quite ‘arrogantly’ about it saying they weren’t really doing anything and that he was managing on his own

I told him to stay with them (as I feared he was still taking it)

He is a very good liar- but not as good as he thinks anymore.

He did finish with them and they signed him off saying he’d done really well

Since then (2.5 months ago) he’s on it again.

Never has he been honest first although he’s promised he will be “next time”.

He seems to do things that will upset me and then will lead to an argument and then he uses cocaine and says it was my fault for causing the argument!!!

I have a very responsible job and it’s affected my performance – hugely

At this point – it’s the lies that have destroyed our marriage and our family more than the actual drug taking.

He says to me I have caused he ‘relapses’ and that I haven’t supported him.

He takes it in our family home literally anywhere, and is now taking it in the next room to me. This is so risky! Why would he do that knowing I could walk in? But then when I find the traces of Coke and confront him about where he’s taken it – he denies it for days on end.

Anyway- I’ve hit rock-bottom and now I need to him to leave – for my own mental health. I love him but I don’t like him anymore and I don’t like our life anymore.

Please help with some advice for me to move forward and I guess some reassurance that I’ve done all I can to help him ????????‍♀️

Thank you

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