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Hi Maxheadroom
Well done for making a stand and putting your mental health first and that of the other people who live in your home. I fully understand how hard that decision is, how much guilt you can feel, the confusion of if it is the right thing to do etc. But for now make the most of the space to breathe.
Maybe it will be the making of him. All you can do is hope he realises he needs help and if you are willing to help him through those steps.
My husbands son was never held accountable for his behaviour so at 30 it hard to say this and that isnt acceptable as it just goes in one ear out the other. When you have one parent enabling and one not, the one not is the big bad wolf.
Stay strong, its ok to have bad and good days but have faith x
Positive news Lindylou..
Sometimes less you know the better, cant upset yourself.
Have a restful evening x
68862, tiredmam your stories are so similar to mine.
I can fully understand why you are feeling how you do. Sometimes there are just no words but exasperation as to how it happens. We have had to put our own mental health first, as much as my husband loves his son, his behaviour and demands are no acceptable.
I hope you all have a blessed sunny easter sunday. Get out in the garden or for a long walk x
68862, tiredmam your stories are so similar to mine.
I can fully understand why you are feeling how you do. Sometimes there are just no words but exasperation as to how it happens. We have had to put our own mental health first, as much as my husband loves his son, his behaviour and demands are no acceptable.
I hope you all have a blessed sunny easter sunday. Get out in the garden or for a long walk x
68862, tiredmam your stories are so similar to mine.
I can fully understand why you are feeling how you do. Sometimes there are just no words but exasperation as to how it happens. We have had to put our own mental health first, as much as my husband loves his son, his behaviour and demands are no acceptable.
I hope you all have a blessed sunny easter sunday. Get out in the garden or for a long walk x
68862, tiredmam your stories are so similar to mine.
I can fully understand why you are feeling how you do. Sometimes there are just no words but exasperation as to how it happens. We have had to put our own mental health first, as much as my husband loves his son, his behaviour and demands are no acceptable.
I hope you all have a blessed sunny easter sunday. Get out in the garden or for a long walk x
68862, tiredmam your stories are so similar to mine.
I can fully understand why you are feeling how you do. Sometimes there are just no words but exasperation as to how it happens. We have had to put our own mental health first, as much as my husband loves his son, his behaviour and demands are no acceptable.
I hope you all have a blessed sunny easter sunday. Get out in the garden or for a long walk x
Hi,
Its is incredibly difficult to not blame yourself and also to stop it destroying other relationships.
We sent a long fair clear text because he would not answer calls or see his dad. Saying maybe you should get drug, alcholol, mental health and budgeting support, told him all our wishes of what he could achieve and it was achievable with hard work, commitment, soulsearching, but there is a love and a chance of a better family life if you do the work but no..
Ultimately no one change but them..especially when they have the crisis team trying to help and even they cant get him to engage. Most recent stay in mental health unit lasted 3 weeks then he got kicked out for getting on the drink.
I wish i had seen danmans advice 10 years ago. If only there were more danmans to speak to these lads before it gets serious x
Hi maxheadroom, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. this is my first post but your story is very similar to mine for the last 10 years. My husband has 2 grown up children, one 30 and another 29. The elder is a few years ahead of your sons path. He smoked weed, drank and got into trouble as a teen as his mother didnt instill discipline and enabled his behaviour. Various home kick outs, hostel kick outs, 2 stays in prision, a large no of stays in mental health unit, he is still being enabled by his mother. He is addicted to coke does it several times a week, drinks every night and is violent and abusive. He like your son has no true friends all his mates and family are disgusted by his behavior. He has mental health h issues which are not helped by his addictions, he knows whether there is support but refuses, thinks its above him or there is no problem. He is a regular self harmer but is unable to stop sniffing.
I have anxiety and this is a trigger. I has come between my husband and I, who tries his best to support without enabling. It came to a head recently, whilst coked up became extremely abusive to his dad, his dad has stopped all contact. My husbands mental health and mine was suffering.
If he isnt prepared to accept help or see he has a problem there isnt a lot you can do. First thing i would say is stop all monetary help, this is a huge part of enablement. Second, suggest or give him info where he can get help NA, AA or CA. Thirdly, if you dont want him back in house, which we stopped because of thieving, suggest he registers with local council. Fourthly, dont beat yourself up and look after youself and your family.
Stay strong x