[daisy12]

Absolutely heart breaking reading all these stories and frightening so many of you/us are going through similar experiences. Massive cuddle to you all! Was in a 2yr relationship.

I lost a baby too, I’ve put that down to stress and worry, was very early weeks, constant worrying about mood swings and abuse. I was sent home whilst loosing had to go back for bloods to hosi and he ended up in the pub all day/night (obvs bender) so had to go back to hosi on my own for blood to check HGC levels until I could have a scan later that week. He only got intouch just before the scan. I felt so alone and let down as he wasn’t there to support. Made excuse he couldn’t deal with it. But obvs it was more an excuse to go score.

Lots of other Stuff verbal

Abuse, constant accusations, routing through things to try and find evidence of cheating, constantly questioning as if to trip me up . Nasty verbal names both vocal and texts. Then can be the kindest person when not on it!

I think it was a 3 wk cycle but progressively my gut is telling me it’s every weekend pretty much over the past 3months. There’s no excuse I see it to ramp usage up. He used to go on bender when he got stressed. But he has nothing to stress over. Life is what I perceive good for him?! But I know he struggles and he’s used for 20 years or more! But I think he hid it well and only when the arguments were a pattern every 3 weeks and then ramped you to weekly! He also heavily drinks 3/4 to a bottle of vodka a night…. I think this is substituting one for another hasn’t always drank like that but has the past 6 months. His behaviour and mood swings are erractic. When he’s simmering off it he can snap at the slightest thing! He says he has bad anxiety and worse the morning after drinking so why drink??

Empty promises, curb drinking for two days and then back to the same old. Paints me a dream happy ever after and then spoils with constant arguing, leaving ignoring abusing for days on end and then he’s sorry!

It’s over… well he’s finsihed it cause I called out he needs help. Said I’d be here all the way through and love the bones of him. He said he’s done. Which shocked me and I’m heart broken.

[daisy12]

Heart breaking reading these stories! Although comforting also and insightful into similar situations.

I too are in love with an addict… although he’s in complete denial. He used cocaine recreationally for years in his younger years….we’ve been together just over 2 years… it’s been up and down but we’ve had some super times. Until recently the drinking has become heavily reliant drinking every night 3/4 to bottle of shy of ltr vodka bottle…. arguments and disappearing the breaking up the apologies, slight remorse… empty promises, and then ground hog day!

Cancelled plans, empty promises to give or cut back drinking. Some admission that there is a problem but they can deal with it! Which their not substituting alcohol for cocaine more often than not.

I’ve caught him lie a few times also I’m not stupid.

I’ve been firm and called out need help…After a tow and him leaving and that landed me with a breakup. But it’s twisted my fault…

it’s heartbreaking cause I love him but he self destruct and honestly if he can’t see there’s no problem.

It’s disruptive to everyone lives, on another thread they mentioned it was like a hurricane causing chaos!

I just hope that he sees sense that people around him love him before he losses us all.

Wish you all well and stay strong!

[daisy12]

I’m sorry to hear your having a tough time. I guess only you can make that choice. But if he’s doing it then he’s like to completely stay free of it as most stories I read I’m looking for answers and seems they’ve got to want to you can’t make them.

Stay strong think about you and your baby x

[daisy12]

Thank you Holton for your reply. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s just a helpless place to be when you love them dearly and sole destroying.

Denial is the worst and then have moments of realisation that maybe substituting vodka for that other stuff helps but it’s worse switching from one to another. The mood swings are sever…. as in verbally not physically. And the things that are said cut deep like a knife. It’s the iractic. Behaviour the broken empty promises. The nastiness is just heart breaking. I think I’ve taken this all to heart and actually like you say it’s not personal it’s the drugs/alcohol. However that does lead to other mental health problems such as depression and anxiety and without help it’s a vicious circle. It’s definitely got worse the arguments recently and weeks at a time with no communication or some but it’s nasty or self pity. It’s hard when you love someone unconditionally cause you hold out for the best bits and want them to be better.

I’m sorry your son has put you through this and at your age you should be enjoying life and worrying…

thanks for your reply. It’s comforting in some ways as I feel totally isolated not being able to talk to people about things.

Wish you well also x

[daisy12]

Wow reading all your posts and seems like there is a lot of people going through the same thing. Psychosis is mental and wasn’t sure how that played out. But it’s suspicious and paranoia which all makes sense reading all your posts.

I guess that’s the horrible side effects of cocaine abuse and most probably more abusing it for long periods of times.

It’s saddening and upsetting that you all are going through this chaos which that’s exactly what it is. How they don’t see the impact it has one people love ones…

When their on a semi normal level to the regret remorse apologies and promises to sort things? Just wondered cause I have experienced similar and was looking for comfort if others had experience things. It feels like a vicious circle.

[daisy12]

Wow this sounds very similar to the situation I’ve encountered. I’m so sorry your going through this and it’s horrendous from what you’ve mentioned the arguing and the abuse and abusive messages.

When he normal does he regret what he done? Apologise or says you should?

Your right to call him out on his behaviour!

I have also seen this and experienced it. Substituting one for another it’s mental is it addictive personalities or just purely one addiction to another. When you mention psychotic behaviour what kind of things? Just wondered as help me make sense of some irractic behaviour?

Sounds like your very strong individual! Any suggestions on what I could do? I know it takes it toll time to time doesn’t it on people/loves ones?

[daisy12]

Seems like you know and researched and guess it takes ahold of some people. It’s awful and I totally get it. Just think if it’s having a bad effect on life and come downs are horrendous why does it want to make you do more… I guess that’s the bit I don’t get. It can’t be enjoyable.

But your doing the right thing. Building your life again with family unit as family and relationships are key I guess.

I just feel maybe he doesn’t care or love me and that’s why he’s finally pushed me away for good.

[daisy12]

I’ve suggested help. I’ve not harped on about it but pointed out it’s getting worse or I feel it is. He says he has issues doesn’t everyone. And that’s it.

Stops drinking for a few days and then drinks rows happen around weekends so I guess that’s when no work or recreational time.

I just don’t know feel helpless and he said yesterday he more or less done. Which is heart breaking..

[daisy12]

I don’t know the full extent either which I’m worried about. He has admitted it and using it but also lies about it when I know he has. Disappearing I guess hides the fact he is.

The rowing is constant and over the most silly things. like stuff you’d rationalise but he doesn’t.

I just don’t know what to do… give him space to sort it or reach out if I reach out I think I’m just pushing him further away and further to doing it.

[daisy12]

Is there anything I can do or tough love stance? I’ve tried being empathetic, patient, loving caring and just feel whatever I do is wrong and thrown back in my face. I try not to take things to heart but it does take a toll on you having to see someone self destruct.

I think it’s got worse and maybe that’s why all the rowing? Drinking does that lead to it?

[daisy12]

Your addressing it and you should be proud. I guess part of recovery it relapsing! But your strong to keep trying. I’m glad your back with misses and kids cause they obviously adore you.

[daisy12]

Ah Dan, I do I used to recreationally in younger days but since kids I don’t. I was never what I assume some people are as addicted.

Must be so hard for you. I guess the situation I’m in is similar no kids but used to be a pattern every few weeks Disappearing rowing. And now it’s weekly rows more arguments and ending relationship. I have my suspicions that’s the route course but I can’t be sure. It’s heart breaking cause I love him but it hurts me knowing he’s struggling if that makes sense. But if I suggest anything it’s more rows.

[daisy12]

It’s really brave what you’re doing and I’m so sorry your in this position. But you must put your daughter first as things like this can be damaging later in life.

I’m sure if he looses what he loves he will realise and get help. I’d like to think he would for you both.

Good luck

[daisy12]

Being honest is the best thing you can do. Taking steps to fix things is good also! Good luck

[daisy12]

He’s making a real change and not many people do so I’d say give him a chance but make sure you set boundaries and keep well yourself!

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