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I’ve just had a few days at work, came home last night, he was looking after the kids and he ran straight upstairs. Found out he had used, he was due into work 2 hours later. His job is dangerous so I had to ring him in sick, bearing in mind he’s lucky to have that job as he survived redundancy not so long ago. They weren’t happy, and this morning he’s still not able to go to work so had to ring them again. I’ve had a headache all night from it, I’m so stressed. If he loses that job we lose our house, but I can’t talk to him about it properly as he’s on a comedown. He has told me to leave and go somewhere with the kids and give him a few days, but we car share and he has the kids whilst I work, so if I or he leaves I can kiss goodbye to my job. I don’t know what to do for the best, my family also don’t know so if I went there they would find out.
I’m talking with his sister currently to see how she can help, but I’m starting to feel hopeless.
It so sad you say that, because I know how awful my situation is and to think many people go through what I’m going through, it’s just so sad. My partner says what difference do I make to you and the kids if I’m in bed, I was like answer your own question. It makes me hate him, I get so angry and frustrated. No it isn’t normal for people to stay in bed until the late afternoon, I’ve said that before too.
My partner used to be my best friend, we worked and lived together for years and were really happy. He was a brilliant dad to my first child, he was funny and so kind. I feel sorry for my little one as they’ve never seen him as himself.Now he’s a shell of himself, he doesn’t really have a personality, I see glimmers sometimes but doesn’t last long. I don’t know if it’s the tablets, or using, or if he’s genuinely unhappy. But he’s no use with the kids/house/finances, I pretty much do everything. Sometimes he does try, but when he was at his lowest he even said he doesn’t know if family life was for him. It’s even more difficult with financial worries, and the virus. I’ve been upset and he’s walked past me before and just got back into bed, he would’ve never done that before. That’s the worst way he has behaved, he’s not nasty or horrible to me, just indifferent. Like we don’t exist, he likes to try hide or runaway when he’s used, which is why I always catch him out. He’s like a little boy who’s done something wrong. Strangest thing he has said is that the only place he feels normal and himself is at work, which I don’t understand.
When everything hit breaking point, I spoke to him and he admitted he had a problem, and wanted to stop. But he has said that a few times now and he keeps relapsing. He’s on antidepressants because I made him go to the doctors, and he’s speaking with a counsellor because I made. I gave him those two main things he had to do to save our relationship. I just don’t know if he’s doing them to keep me off his back while he carries on or if he genuinely wants to get better. Im constantly on edge, watching what he does because he is so sneaky. Yeah friends who stay outside in the car isn’t normal, it makes me laugh how they try to explain something away and you just both know they’re lying, but they continue. It’s ridiculous.
It’s such a shame, my kids are too small to ask where he is, but it won’t be long before it starts to have an effect. I also feel single a lot of the time, when we go out to family things and all my siblings are there with their partners and I’m just on my own, it’s hard to explain it away.
Thank you, and you too. It’s nice to have someone to talk to because I just feel so alone in dealing with his addiction, the house, work, kids, it’s all on me and the stress is ridiculous, As well as having to pretend everything is okay. Ive had three jobs in the space of 7/8 months because of his addiction, due to him not being in a fit state to even get up with our children, I can’t rely on him. I’ve said like you, I could walk away from it all but we’re a family and I can’t imagine our future without him in it. For the past year I have done what you have, and just taken the kids out without him, as I had given up trying to get him out of bed. That has been so much better recently up until this week when we only had 2 days off together in 14, and he stayed in bed until 2/3 on both days. He just says what do you need me for, I don’t make any difference. The fact I know today he is going straight to a dealers house after work is driving me insane. I took his phone and bank cards off him when I originally found out, so I can’t even contact him to tell him to come straight home and that I know. I just don’t even know what to say to him when he gets back…. do I try stay supportive and take it as a blip or do I take this he isn’t going to stop. So difficult.
This sounds just like my partner, past year or so he has obliterated our lives and that of our children. He would never get out of bed, say he was better off dead, lie and sneak around. It came to a breaking point and he sought help, but our financial situation is on the brink as to whether I can resolve it or not. He’s been to the doctors for depression and speaking with a drug counsellor, I thought he was doing well for the past two weeks, but whilst I was at work last night he messaged someone about dropping money off which I found today. I’m at a loss as to what to do, we have a house, both work, but at this rate we will lose everything. Sometimes I feel like he just doesn’t want our family life and would be happier on his own, we have been together 6 years and up until last year it was brilliant. Just don’t know if we can find happiness again, whether to continue to support him to recovery or whether I’m clinging on to something that will never happen. Such a lonely thing to go through, all his family know and I’ve spoken to them but what can they do. It’s a massive shame so many people are going through the same thing.