[danman83]

God’s honest truth Paul I don’t really know in this situation because I’ve never been in rehab ect.

But there has been weeks when I hated my ex when I was with her and was planning to leave ect..

And you know what she kicked me out about 3 month ago, and I still love her.

She will just be going through lots of emotions ect.. I don’t know how bad she was or is on it, and how she is as a person only you can judge this.

Me personally I’d just sit her down and say.. Do you really want to be with me and love me or not because it’s damaging my mental health as well. And if you don’t I want to move on with my life. If you do.. Let’s work togethee as a unit and stop saying that you don’t.

That’s my opinion. But do what u feel best.

[danman83]

So basically I was 4 month clean up untill May 4th from boxing day.

And for months I had been in agony with my shoulder and still am now. And I ended up getting paib killers with codeine from the chemist a week before my relapse.

These obviously started making me to feel great ect. And I was taking them just when I shouldn’t of done.

Plus I was getting urges of using.

I should if told my sponsor straight away and I never and I used a week later. They say the relapse happens a week before u have even used. And this was right with me.

I don’t take the pain killers now, and I connect with my sponsor easily now and will if I get any urges

It’s basically your head having you over telling u that you will be fine. And clearly u won’t.

Its about learning when there thoughts come in and eliminate them ASAP.

[danman83]

Paul I have a cocaine addiction and I’m over 2 month clean now.

You are not at fault!

The answer to it all is in your story.. Child hood trauma. This is a major factor in using drugs. It can be as little as anything. This is when we do the 12 steps in C A anonymous, on step 4 we do resentments we talk to our sponsor about every resentment we have from the past. And write them down. I had a lot to my dad because he scared me with his temper. A lot to my friend because he bullied us all. Some people have been abused sexually by family members. These deep down resentments hold us back.

So we need to let go of them and move on. It really does work.

There is a doctor who studies trauma and addiction, you can see his videos on you tube, Dr gabor I think his name is.

Please stop thinking its you. You are doing your best.

[danman83]

Paul I have a cocaine addiction and I’m over 2 month clean now.

You are not at fault!

The answer to it all is in your story.. Child hood trauma. This is a major factor in using drugs. It can be as little as anything. This is when we do the 12 steps in C A anonymous, on step 4 we do resentments we talk to our sponsor about every resentment we have from the past. And write them down. I had a lot to my dad because he scared me with his temper. A lot to my friend because he bullied us all. Some people have been abused sexually by family members. These deep down resentments hold us back.

So we need to let go of them and move on. It really does work.

There is a doctor who studies trauma and addiction, you can see his videos on you tube, Dr gabor I think his name is.

Please stop thinking its you. You are doing your best.

[danman83]

I’m good thanks. The more over the years the depression gets alot worse. When u want to stop, it feels even worse. Do you know how the depression and suicidal thoughts work because of cocaine and what it does to your dopamine levels when u use it? I can explain if u don’t know?

And yes if u have no kids to watch you can be in bed for 3 days not wanting to face the world. Avoiding the debts u owe, avoiding life. Its a big vicious circle.. Use weekend recovering sun to thur, back on it Friday. So it’s both, but the depression is the 1st thing that causes avoidence.

[danman83]

She will do if she does what is suggested.

[danman83]

Sorry I thought I had finished the message, my phone was playing up,

She could be trying anything possible to leave there. She will be going through a roller-coaster of emotions. But I guess she is in the best place for her away from drugs. And she needs for the drugs to come out of her system and have a clear mind.

[danman83]

Ye well never think like that. It was never your fault. We hold on to these resentments from the past and this is what causes us to use deep down.

It’s like having hot coal in your hand, if you keep hold of it you are going to keep getting burned. So you just need to let go no matter how bad the pain. And this is what you learn in C. A and A. A.

Thanks for that.

Enjoy your weekend beth

[danman83]

I’m not to clued up on withdrawls, but I know she will be making every excuse up in not to want to stay there, just let her do the time she has to do.

[danman83]

Hiya Beth hope you are OK.

I’m 2 month and a week clean from cocaine. And I got 4 month at the start of the year. I’ve been doing my best for years to stop. But I finally joined C. A and I’m doing great.

I just basically want to say it’s never ever your fault. Us as addicts make our own choices. I don’t blame Morrisons for selling me vodka everyday, even tho I don’t drink. He’s just using this as an excuse. Alot of using is from some past trauma, so it’s highly this was something from his past that he has not dealt with. Working the 12 steps helps.

But I’m glad you have moved on, and it was never ever your fault.

Have a good weekend

[danman83]

I doubt you were ever in danger if he hasn’t ever been violent towards you. If for instance both are you are using.. Then it can get violent with both of you drunk and using and arguing over something trivial. I was never ever violent on it. But a lot of coke users who take steroids and go in clubs fighting.. This is a bad combination.

Plus if the person has a temper anyway maybe the coke can make them violent.

Me personally I think it goes off the person, and maybe if you are arguing ect.. Then it could. I hope this makes sence.

My good mate from school hung himself in May from cocaine and could not cope. I have a new partner and her good friend killed himself last night because of coke.

It is a big killer cocaine and it’s the side effects of the come down that cause this. Depression and suicidal everyone goes through some form of this when the coke is wearing off.

I’m glad hes better now. Everything falls into place when he’s better.

Thanks for your comments.

Feel free to ask me anything anytime.

[danman83]

Errmmm.. I guess you have to evaluate the situation. Things like is the person doing his best trying?

Is he still putting himself in situations we’re he can use.. Like the pub, hanging around with using mates, dealers nums still in phone.

My ex always seen me putting the effort in. But she had it the odd time aswell. But could say no to it.

If the partner wants to walk away, I guess u have to look at finances, I mean I don’t know what yours are.. Kids, house together.. Mortgage.. I guess you have to see are you better off with out them. If your young move on ASAP. Its hard for me to say really, but do what is best for you! Not the addict. They can only help them self’s. You can only do so much.

Don’t get me wrong support is good aswell. If there is no one there I could just use it as an excuse to use.but u get a hell of a lot of support in the meetings and taking people’s numbers.

No I did love her. Apart of me. Wanted to keep punishing her for cheating on me. And the big part was the seedy side of the cocaine.. The escort sites ect.

I’ve seen and heard so many simular stories, guys telling me they was on the same site as me ect.. When u do it the 1st time I guess that becomes an addiction as well I recon.

I wouldnt of dreamed of doing all this if I was not using coke. It just takes hold of you and changes you.

Thanks for your lovely comments.

Sorry for the late reply. Feel free to ask me anything

[danman83]

Sorry for the late reply. I guess it comes down to how bad you want to stop and how much effort you put in. I’ve been trying for years and tried various things. But joining cocaine anonymous is the best thing I’ve done. Im 2month and a week clean now. I got 4 month clean time at the start of the year. My best clean time in 12 year of using. So I’ve only used 2 times this year, which is great for me. I can’t fault this programme.

You see loads of people in the room with years of clean time. So it’s just not me. You listen to there stories. You relate to them and you learn from there mistakes aswell.

Thanks for that.

And tell your husband not to give up and keep trying. And just stay clean for the 24 hours he wakes up. Not to think ahead.

[danman83]

Yes I’m not gonna lie I cheated. I wouldnt dream of cheating not on it. Coke turns you into a very sly, sneakily person. I know loads while on coke, watch lots of porn, use escorts, prostitutes and cheat with normal girls. It’s a really seedy drug and it makes you do things that are edgy and dangerous. It turns us into things we are not. I can’t say this for everyone but a lot this what it does

[danman83]

Hiya really sorry for the late reply. Yes my week has been good. I’ve met someone and get on great with her. I know it’s not recommended doing the CA programme, but I’ve told her everything about my problem and she wants to help and she doesn’t drink or do drugs so that’s good.

I guess just try and stay positive and make him aware of the dangers. Its hard not to worry. Its what we do I guess.

I regret alot of the years wasted using. Don’t get me wrong I had some good times, but these effected things in my future, like not buying a house or going college. I guess we have got to not hold on to these resentments and move on and look towards the future.

But yes all good here.. Over 2month clean now and I’m feeling great.

How are u doing?

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