Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hiya Brooke hope your OK.
I’m 106 days clean from coke today.
He did well to get for them months but he can never drink again really. Not if he wants to quit coke. Alcohol is the main trigger to get coke. Normally after months of being clean we tell ourselves.. We can have one drink, one will be OK, I won’t get any coke. But then everything just falls to pot.
I decided to join cocaine anonymous and I’m working the 12 steps and I have a sponsor. Not to sure if u know much about this. But step 4 is were we right down are resentments, fears and sexual conduct down. This can take a few week to do, and the resentments we have is a big part why we can use. Mine was my dad giving me a lot of emotional crap when I was younger. I’m not fully blaming him as we make our own choices. But it doesn’t help.
Anyway the escorts regarding your bf, cocaine can make you do seedy things, I could go on all day about it but I won’t. I cheated on my partner during being on coke.
If he’s still messaging girls and wants be a family. He could be still using coke. Do u still want to be with him while he’s doing this?
It’s a bit strange how he just gets all defensive when you just ask him calmly. It’s probably because he was desperate for a drink.
It’s going to be a struggle with alcohol it’s everywhere. They say the biggest drug dealers are the government selling it. But joining a support group is a good idea and will help you and take some weight off your shoulders. Did he get the beer then from the supermarket?
Ive had a good weekend thanks. We went blackpool yesturday for my daughters 10th bday, she wanted to see the sunset over the beach, and it was great just being soba watching her face. ❤️
It’s a bit strange how he just gets all defensive when you just ask him calmly. It’s probably because he was desperate for a drink.
It’s going to be a struggle with alcohol it’s everywhere. They say the biggest drug dealers are the government selling it. But joining a support group is a good idea and will help you and take some weight off your shoulders. Did he get the beer then from the supermarket?
Ive had a good weekend thanks. We went blackpool yesturday for my daughters 10th bday, she wanted to see the sunset over the beach, and it was great just being soba watching her face. ❤️
Bloody hell I’m suprised he is not worse than this with his past. Such a shame losing him mum so early.
I’m no expert but this more or less likely makes him like this with drink. It’s the classic drink and forget about it all. But alcohol is a depressant and makes it worse.
I’ve seen people share were they have been sexual abused by there parents and they have had to forgive them. One woman, her own mum kept on locking her under the sink as a kid and was hitting her. And I’m talking for hours maybe longer. And she forgave her.
Each to there own though. But it is suppose to help us move on and not let them win if this makes sence. Being the better person. Because if we don’t it effects the addict and all the family around.
I just read a a book called the twins of auswich, about the concentration camp, and the German doctor who was called the angel of death. He tortured twins and had an obsession with them, doing all sorts of experiments on them. Anyway in the book, she goes back to the auswich camp and forgives this doctor mengele, because she needed to move on, and that some people are just ill and we need to pray for them. And she felt so much better when she did. I guess it just don’t have to work in recovery aswell.
But everyone is different some people just are beyond forgiveness.
You probably have tried it already but just sit down both of you and talk amicably about it and meet each other half way, and set some healthy boundarys. Tell him its making you ill and you want to work as a team and build for the future together.
Thanks for your lovely comments, I’ve been coming on here about 2 year now I think and talking to you and others on here helps me in my recovery so much. So thanks ❤️
I think it’s good when partners stick around during bad times like these. Because we have to think would we do it if it was the other way round, and you shouldnt give up on people. So please don’t think suggesting to move on lol.
If you watch dr gabor I think his name is on you tube. He’s done loads of studies and addictions are from a childhood trauma. This is why on one of the steps off AA, step 4 is resentments. I had a lot towards my dad as he was scary with his temper and emotional abuse. Sorry if I have already said this I’ve spoke to so many people on here I forget lol. And we need to move on from these resentments. My sponsor said its like having hot coal in your hand. You need to let go or its gonna keep hurting you.
Another step is step 8 I think is were we make amends to people we have harmed. It’s like a cleansing working these steps and frees us from self pity and resentment.
I don’t know the full ins and outs. But it doesn’t seem that much, a lot of people have a few cans after work and a glass of wine. My mum n dad have done it for years and they are just normal average people. A lot of signs were it is bad is hiding beer around the house, shakes ect.. He’s not on spirits is he? So the unit intake is not to bad. He might be going for a walk then having a drink because he don’t want to upset you. And just fancys a beer. But then doing this is sneaking off to have a drink because u need one. But I don’t want to be making assumptions here. Only you can judge this.
I understand why your doing it, and you want to knock it on the head now before it’s too late. Just keep and eye on him and have a quiet chat. See if he will cut it down to a few cans on sat maybe. But this is entirely up to you. Just go with what u think is best.
God’s honest truth she’s not really supportive. I say I’m 3 months clean now, she just mumbles well done, 3 of her mates have put more effort in and said they are proud of me and that cheered me up. She’s been on coke with me a few times, but won’t have it now. Her friend has coke aswell and she is my trigger sometimes when she’s at mine, but she still invites her round knowing I will have coke with her. So she’s not that supportive. But then again she’s had enough. So I can’t blame her. I’ve told her none of her mates can come for a while now. She has to go theres. Lol.
Thanks for that. I just have to avoid bbqs now and pubs and so on. I have to start taking up new hobbies. I’m not looking forward to summer. But I’m more mentally stronger now.
If you really want to quit, you will try anything, I tried everything, I’d come up with plans in the week how to do it. I bought 2 safes to put my phone and car keys in, delete dealers nums, hypnotherapy. I could go on all day. But there is the devil on my shoulder also working away around these.
You don’t sound awful at all. Us addicts put are partners through way to much crap. And we need to put ourselfs in there positions as well. Some guys go missing for 4 days when I’ve read post on here. Imagine the stress it puts on partners. Why the hell should you stick around weather it’s an illness or not.
This is my opinion, if the addict is not prepared to admit he has a problem or she. And is not willing to try and get help, why should the partner stick around and ruin your life aswell. I guess it’s each to there own, and when u love some one you just want to do the best for them and want them to be better, it’s hard I understand.
So whats he like now? Does he drink alot? Is he trying to quit? Has he joined aa?
Yes there was, I’ve had a few rock bottoms, the last one was boxing day, and from using Xmas day night, I woke up and my heart was pounding really bad, and I felt really bad anxiety. This lasted for about 4 days. And I though I can’t keep doing this anymore, do I really want to be doing this at 50. My little girl seeing me bad on coke at 50, plus health reasons. It’s not enjoyable doing it.
It’s weird really because I’ve had worse Rock bottoms and this one wasn’t that bad. I’d just had enough. I’d been trying to quit for years. I think the more you try, no matter how long you have been trying, it gets easier in the end if that makes sence.
Plus I’ve never been a bad drinker. I could go without it for weeks. But when I drink I get coke. But it got to we’re I was getting coke without drink. Joining this programme I have realised I have to quit alcohol altogether. So now I can’t ever drink again.
Hey there, I’m now 101 days clean from cocaine after 11 years of using. I hated the stuff in the end and it’s still early days now. I decided to join cocaine anonymous 101 days ago and I’ve been clean ever since.
Now going back to your question.. Is it a disease or not. Its a hard one this. I’m sure it been proven it is. My gf always tells me just say no to it. She does. But it’s not as simple as this.
In AA and CA and in the book, there is bits in it we’re we addicts have an allergy to drugs and drink. This never made sence to me until recently. But for example, my gf will have a drink, she will stop about midnight, she’s had coke in the past, will probably have 1 tiny bit. I have met lots of people who are the same. Now me.. I’d be drinking untill 6am or until its gone, I’d be getting taxis to late shops to buy it if ran out. I would of bought 4 bags of coke, literally be crying when it’s ran out and suicidal. This is were the allergy comes in, where us addicts react different to drugs and alcohol were as others don’t. We have an allergic reaction and it send us off the rails. If you watch a really bad addict and watch him deteriorate slowly over the years. It is like an illness and we can make it better, through meetings and not taking these substances.
I guess there are 2 sides to everything and it is up for debate. My gf hates it when I tell her it’s a disease and she goes mad lol.
I’m not trying to convert you into believing it is, the allergy explanation has me believing it is, but that’s my opinion.
Then I’ve seen a video we’re a guy says, if you have a heroin addict who has heroin in his hand, and you have a gun to his head, and you say.. If u take the heroin I will shoot you dead.. He’s not going to use. So we do have a choice.
You can’t do that with heart disease ect..
So it’s a tricky one.
Your right regarding what he says recovery is just to get off drugs. Its about a new way of life and living. Meeting new people, communicating with people. His life could change so much if he gets out of his room and just bump into 1 person. I always says this.. That 1 person can change your life by saying 1 thing, or just offering you a job, then you meet a girl and she changes you. Plus it’s away of life as well. I use be bad a littering, I’d truck stuff on the floor ect. I can’t do it with this programme, it’s a negative thing and attracts negative vibes. So I have to start being nice to the world, give out good vibes and get receive good vibes. And I feel a lot better for it. It really works.
I say this with alot of people, sometimes we just get stuck in the same shitty routine and stuck in a hole. We need to change things around and take the 1st step in changing our life’s around. We think that there is nothing good out there nothing will change ect.. But it does get better we just need a little push.
I was exactly like that I read everything, I listen to addiction recovery podcast each day, and a few other things but I could only get to a month clean maybe more.
But since I joined the meetings I’ve got 100 days today the most I’ve done. And u have to talk to someone each day and it really does help talking to other addicts.
Would he try CA? It’s just the same as AA. My sponsor said its about putting or defences up. Plus working the 12 steps helps as well. One of the steps.. Step 4 is resentments. We write them down from the past and pray for them to be took away. Alot of things from the past stay with us and can be a root cause for addiction. Mine was my dad, he use to scream alot at me and was basically emotional abuse and he was quite scary, and I had a mate who was a bully with a few of us. But we need to let go of these resentments. It’s like having hot coal in our hands, we need to let go or its just gonna keep hurting us.
I guess its up to your son what he wants to do. I always said I’d never go but I had to in the end.
I can imagine he is, the crap us addicts put in us just ruins life’s.
Has he got a plan now to get clean again and what is it if he has?
It must be horrible for you to see this happen to your child. My mum’s cried a few times over me, plus I’ve tried imagine if it was my kids. I can imagine it’s non stop worrying each day and night.
It’s hard to imagine but I see some positives here. He’s not robbing off you, and he is not violent. Which we both know anyone bad on heroin would Rob there own grandma. There is a great app called pocket rehab. It’s like Facebook. Just for addicts and ex addicts and you talk to others 24 7 and reach out if u need help. Honestly it’s really good. You don’t need to answer this but is he injecting or just smoking it?
I guess it’s better to be on weed on heroin but I don’t want to be promoting weed in saying that. But he really needs to quit both and not swap one addiction for another.
Did he do the 12 steps and get a sponsor?
Sorry about your son. How is he now? He needs to get back to what he was doing to keep clean asap. I hope he does????
Well that’s good your feeling better. Hopefully when this lockdown is over we all can get back to some normality. I’ve had enough of this and it’s sending me down. Hope you are well
Yes I can totally relate to what your saying about him. I think you should wait for his next step 1st. See what he decides to do. Hopefully he will get back on track, and have this as a lesson not to meet any women in the 1st 12 month. Maybe just encourage him to say he did so well with 6 month try and get longer this time. But it’s all up 2 what you want. Hope your feeling better.