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I’m sure they say in the meetings if your not in a relationship don’t meet anyone for a year. No dates or anything like this, even one night stands. This causes us to use. You get that adrenaline of buzz your meeting someone, then it’s I’ll get a few drinks, might last longer.. Get some coke aswell. So yes this is a big no no in recovery.
He just needs get back on track asap. The longer he leaves it the worse he will get.
I fully understand what you mean. We have to accept everyone is different and certain things from the past can cause us to use to block things out. In the AA book, what we learn is that addicts have an allergy to drink or drugs. For instance my gf has had coke or a few of my friends, they have used it once in 6 month just when they are out, but addicts like me and others it effects us differently and we want to constantly use and do things the normal person would not. I guess what I’m trying to say I understand how you feel how you feel about his behaviour and want to protect him. But it is proven now it is a disease, and effects people differently. There as a doctor that comes on a meeting I go on who was bad on it. Its such an addictive drug and lethal. Its in every town. My son has friends who sell it on Instagram with prices and pictures! It’s mental. I really feel for any kid now getting on cocaine at an early age, because it’s all down hill from there.
Thanks Linda, I hope I get there lol.
So sorry to hear about your son. I’m gutted for you, and him. What triggered this? Was it just the once? If not he needs to get back on track ASAP and don’t dwell on it. I imagine it’s an awful feeling getting so far and then that happens. I hope he gets back on track. Always here if u want to talk. ❤️
Hey there. I hope you are OK.
I recommend if you have not already to read a book called ‘mum can you lend me 20?’ it’s about an English woman who had twin boys. They had everything, and both turned to heroin.and sadly one died. The book is from the mums point of view, being asked for money each day and giving it and how it ruined her family. It’s a great read and I personally think could help you as this is why she wrote it. The mother now does a lot of charity work and other things. I’ve forgotten her name.
Anyways.. I’m just over 3 month clean from coke now. I hated the stuff and I decided to join CA anonymous in December. This is helping me so much and is working. Has he done meetings or joined CA? Plus the main this is he needs to want to quit for himself, does he want to?
No one has it under control. He is right everyone is doing it.. Well not everyone. But it’s is everywhere and you would be suprised who does. There is even a doctor on the meetings I go on who was bad on coke. It effects all walks of life. He needs to cut them mates off really and it is hard. But if everyone does heroin would he? That’s why I say to My lad regarding his mates and that and other things.
I fully understand why you wouldnt want him at yours. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
I guess you could tell him that u have spoke to me, and all that all he will get from coke is missery and it will just get worse and worse, and financial problems, depression ect. I guess you could tell him what I’ve told you. If you don’t want him to know about you being on here just leave it, unless you feel he will be OK with this.
Make him aware of the dangers, there are quite a few UK podcast with people who have beat addiction and they all say how much there life’s have changed, and how they feel happier and bought their own houses ect.
This stuff just ruins you, it’s like having a devil on your shoulder all the time saying,.. Let’s get some.. You will be OK.. One won’t hurt u.. Then it just gets worse and worse.
I’ve took up meditation now and I pray each day as part of my programme, and I guess this is his journey and only he can alter it. But if I was you I’d make him aware of the dangers. Tough love is another. But some addicts use this as an excuse to go worse. Screaming and shouting won’t work, but if u feel it’s necessary, you have to do what needs to be done.
Just go with your gut instinct. My mums best friends son died of coke 2 years ago, and she told me and she expected me to stop because of this. But I wouldn’t. Things like this don’t stop addicts. Sometimes we have to hit our rock bottom.
Does he want to stop?
I fully understand you don’t want him to be homeless, he could get worse and go on to harder drugs. Maybe lay some ground rules to him. Or he is out. But this is entirely up to you what you decide.
Hiya, I hope you are OK.
I’m just over 3 months clean from cocaine now after 11 to 12 years addiction. I’m no were near cured as yet. But I’m getting there. I’ve tried for the last 7 years to quit. I’ve tried everything. But 1st of all you have to want to quit for your self. You can’t be forced or it won’t help. I had to delete all dealers numbers, friends and family who use, deleted my Facebook account and social media. You can message dealers on there, and seeing people and there happy fake life’s can make u want to use.
The come downs from coke are awful. The minute my bag ran out I wanted more and if I could not get any, I would feel depressed and suicidal. This can last for days.
I hit my rock bottom on boxing day for the 2nd time. My heart was pounding for days and days, I had bad anxiety and I just had enough.
So I decided to join CA anonymous after vowing if never do meetings ect…. Now I’m doing meetings, I’m working the 12 steps and I’ve got a sponsor. I have to connect with other addicts each day which helps. And this programme is working. I feel amazing today. I feel so happy and everything is falling into place.
I know how you feel regarding your son. My 1st rock bottom I was crying at 6am on my own and text my mum everything. I told her the lot. She was upset a great deal. And checked on me each day. But then I relapsed and carried on using for another year I think. I told her my full story again 3 days ago.she wasn’t happy but she knows I’m on track.
But regarding your son he really needs to want to quit for himself. And then set some goals. I’d have a quiet word with him and see what he wants to do. And also u suggest what u want him to do, and see if he agrees.
Feel free to ask me anything
Hiya, stupid question but hope your OK. It turns u into a seedy person that shite. I’m not gonna lie to you. Do what’s best for you and move on and enjoy yourself, don’t know what to say incase I say the wrong thing. But hope your OK. Anyway.
Ahh Good. To stop I’ve done a lot of things. Defo delete all dealers nums, even fam and friends who use. Delete Facebook and other social media sites, as u can message dealers on there, plus seeing pics of other people all happy and drinking makes u want to use. I listen to recovery stories everyday on podcast and you tube. You need to change your whole routine around and do new hobbies. Avoid triggers, no alcohol what so ever. That worked for a few week maybe a month or 2 and I kept relapsing. Then I finay joined CA anonymous on boxing day and I’ve been clean since. It’s the best thing I’ve done. Have u tried meetings? Would u?
Thanks for that.
Basically they are on zoom for now through CA website, there are some face 2 face now though. U sit and listen to other addicts, some have years clean time, some have less, some have just relapsed. You listen to the similarities in there stories and you relate to them. You swap numbers and part of the 12 steps is to text or phone at least 3 to 5 people each day. Talking to other addicts work. You get a sponsor aswell who u work the steps and you phone them everyday. And when u feel like using,And they talk u out of it. And trust me it works!
U don’t have to talk at 1st just listen and don’t be put off by the god talk. There is none of that what your partner is saying. They all want to get clean. Obv u might get the odd 1. But everyone is loving and supportive it really works! Tell him he’s being daft and download zoom and get on a meeting with me. I can give u details and times.
Hiya hope your OK. I’m 3 month clean from coke after about 11 year addiction. You quit coke yourself so there is no point in me telling you certain things.
Him now going to crack dens is 1 big slippery slope from here. He needs to knock it on the head ASAP. All it takes is some 1 to offer him heroin next. I joined CA anonymous 3 month ago and I’ve been clean since it’s been the beat thing I did. Tell him he needs to get to some meetings. But this is all down to him. He needs to want to quit.
Regarding you staying with him. My opinion is.. If he’s not prepared to quit and stop dissapering and he’s not putting the effort in. Do you want to stay with him living like this day in day out. Making you mentally and physically ill. Sit him down and have a good amicable chat with him. And come up with some recovery plan. But make sure he wants to mainly.
Hiya, hope you are OK. Im 3 month clean from coke after using for about 11 year. Of course your husbands behavior is because of the coke. It does make you want sex and it can lead to other seedy things. I took it in the house on my own, I thought I was the only person that does it. When it’s wearing off it’s called a come down and this makes you feel depressed and can make u feel suicidal for days. Probably why he is snappy, and no sleep, shitty food, negative thoughts. Don’t blame any of this on you. We as addicts make our own decisions. Some can because of childhood traumas from what I’ve been learning. If he wants to quit he needs to want to for himself. No point in saying he has to. Because he won’t. He needs delete all dealers nums and friends and fam who use. Come off Facebook and other social media. This makes u want to use, and message dealers. He prob is off his head adding these girls on fb aswell. I finally joined CA meetings and got a sponsor after vowing never to go there. And I’ve been clean ever since and I’m so much happier now. Feel free to ask me anything
One big viscous cycle
Yes still with her. 12 years I’ve been with her. Porn and a few other seedy things are apart of cocaine use. On one of the steps in CA you have to do your sexual conduct with your sponsor and some people have slept with dogs on cocaine lol. Don’t worry I’m not saying you partner has lol. It can make u do a lot of seedy things to some people. If he isn’t prepared to quit and he seems really bad. He is just going to drag you down. It’s your decision what you make. But make sure you are not here in 5 years time with the same problem.
Ye course it does, I’ve always felt guilty and I’ve tried putting my self in her shoes and imagined if it was her with the problem, snorting coke on her own downstairs. I’d be embarrassed and think what am I doing with him. She’s done it with me in the past but now she just avoids it as she has seen what it does. The sneaking around, going missing, I have thought what it’s doing to her alot. One thing I really regret it’s really long so I’ll keep it short. She cheated on me, so I got her back when she was pregnant, and I told her when she was 7 month pregnant. She was heartbroken. And I’ve felt guilty and sorry for what I did. Especially her going through the emotions of pregnancy. I was bad on coke then. I’m going back 7 years now. So ye I do understand what you go through. Even more from being on this site. I guess it comes down to each individual person and how they see it. Maybe he will if he ever stops.