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It’s a funny one with kids they pick up on things eventually. My kids just thought I was drunk in bed.
Hopefully he comes round soon, am sure you are.. But just keep reminding him he’s missing out on his son and making good memories. Is it worth it for coke? The way I had to look at it is.. I spend say from 6pm Friday till 6am sat morn, off my head, feeling great for the 1st hour or 2, then edgy, paranoid, anxiety depressed, then I had to sleep all day, feel shit after that again. Is it really worth it when my kids need me. Obviously it is hard as it is an addiction and disease, but the more we change are way of thinking the easier it will be to stop.
Listening to you how you say you just leave him in bed at the weekends and you do your own thing. Is exactly what happened to me. Not all the time, but a lot. It broke me abit to how it was effecting my kids and me in bed at the weekend all day Saturday when I should be playing with them. A lot of the time I forced my self up and wasn’t fully functioning. Another reason I had to stop. And I have to think of this if I get the urge to use.
P. S you are not to blame for any of this. I had this debate with a mate the other day. I said do we blame Morrisons for selling me alcohol if it turns me into an alcoholic?
I know people will debate this. Is it a drug dealers fault we take drugs. I’ve never really had a dealer force drugs on to me. It was all my choice.
He’s still in bed lol. Well that could be a coke come down. But only you or he would know that answer.
Alot of the times after using you don’t want to get out of bed and face the world. Some people take sleeping tabs to go sleep straight away so they don’t feel the comedown. I did that quite a few times.
You need to start thinking of yourself if it’s making you feel like this. Your right it’s not good for your health.
I mean it’s your life and its up to you what you want. But sometimes tough love is the best option, and say you have one chance or I’m moving on. I don’t like saying this but at the end of the day it’s true and you have your own life. But my gf has stood by me, everyone is different.
But some drug testing kits off ebay or amazon. See if he will go with this.
I know it hard, but just try and have some you time with a mate and talk to someone. It’s hard when you love some one and they are doing this, your torn between decisions.
I know he might aswell go there’s.
But I guess you could video it for come dine with me lol
But it’s gonna be hard for you with him being with his mate who sells it. He will never get away from it. The 1st thing an addict who wants to quit is delete there dealers num.
I suggest if your staying with him. Makesure he pays all the bills you share 1st so you don’t get in debt, leave him to it if he’s not prepared to quit, and you just start going out with your mates and try and not be worried, you will make your self ill.
If his mate does come for tea, and you have a drink, then he will want some coke. I can just have 1 sip of alcohol and I’m craving coke.
Your not controlling at all, you just care for him and it effects everyone else.
So are you gonna have him round then? Lol
What does his gf say about him selling it? I bet she’s not bothered because of the money he makes.
Hi daryl mate. Are u OK?
What sort of group? A Watts app?
I guess it’s a start. He needs to reach out to people when he is struggling so that will help.
Your right, he’s laid a plan out so far, so I guess you have to try it. But if that doesn’t work. Which from past experience I don’t think it will. Then he will have to go to Plan B.
Tell him watch a video on you tube it’s in 3 parts. It’s Louise Clarke. Crack cocaine part 123. She’s an expert who has helped loads of people and gives great advice about the drug. How to stop. And so on. Its helped me alot. I recommend you watch it aswell so you get an idea of it.
Yes I totally agree he needs some sort of plan. Everyday I make sure I listen to a cocaine recovery story or addiction, on you tube. Plus I have to read everyday. I’ve read 14 books this year. That’s the most ever in my life lol. But it keeps you busy and stops your from over thinking.
Yes its true I imagine addicts don’t like to be forced to stop, but your his wife and her should expect a nagging or bollocking. I expect it. I mean he was gone for 4 days. My gf would of kicked me out! Your quite calm considering.
Imagine if you did that. I bet he would go mad.
I’ve been wanting to quit for years. I hate it and I tried everything. One rock bottom I had.. I was down stairs I must of had 3 bags of coke, and I came crashing down crying my eyes out feeling suicidal and desp to quit, I text my mum and told her everything this was at 6am. She text me later that day upset and was crying I stopped for about 2 month then got back on it. She still thinks am clean. Well I am now, but she didn’t know I started again then quit. This happened about 2 year ago.
Then this boxing day I just had a bad come down and needed to stop. My heart didn’t feel to good. I’ve saved £1000 in 2month. I’ve never saved in my life.
My advice to someone about cocaine.. Don’t even try it! Stay away from any one that does!.
I know a few people that have killed themselves on cocaine.
And had strokes.
Plus I have my children and I don’t want them to see me like this.
It’s up to you what you want to know about the 4 days I guess. I know my gf would interagate me lol.
I personally think if you want to quit this and be serious you have to come out your comfort zone. I always said I’d never do CA, I’d never do meetings, I never prayed. Never meditated. And look at me now I’ve had to do all each day now to fight this addiction, and it is working, I mediate every morn at 5am before work for 10 mins. People think it’s all this hmmmmm… Hands on knees lol. But it’s not. Every one I listen to on the meetings all had the same mind set as your husband and now they do the total opposite. They feel great, they have there life back. Obviously they have there bad days we all do. If all this stops me from putting that shite up my nose, and being depressed and suicidal, and I have to do it every day I know what id want.
It’s just hard making that decision I guess. Sometimes it’s our addictive brains telling us it won’t work. Or tricking us into thinking this.
Il be honest with you, coke is everywhere now, and all walks of life are taking it. My sister knows a drug Councillor and she was dealing with a Ryan Air Pilot who was bad on coke.
It’s gonna be hard to break that friendship with his mate. I get that. I guess he just has to hit his rock bottom.. And say enough is enough now I want it out my life no matter what now.
My last relapse on boxing day, I felt depressed for 4 days, my anxiety was through the roof and my heart was pounding for 4 days. I just had enough and I can’t live like that, I’m 37 do I want to be doing this in 10 years time?
Your suggestions are not lectures, I wish my gf was like this. She will go ape shit if I’ve used and be in a mood for days.
I don’t know if you already have. But just sit down have an amicable conversation ask him does he want to stop and does he want help? Then come up with a plan.
Also that you care about him and don’t want anything bad happen to him. Which I’m sure you have said all this. But it all comes down to him. What he wants to do. Some people have to have heart attacks, or be made homeless or overdose to see sence. It’s not good at all if his mate sells it. Some one close to me does it, can’t say on here. But I’ve told them don’t contact me, and I dnt drive past theirs.
I think your right he does need to have a plan. I right a weekly day to day plan on with things to do each day and tick it off. Meditation is working wonders for me and their are lots of apps.
Believe me having a kid will not make him stop. I have had 2 since my 1st coke, and I said on both occasions I’d quit for them. So that won’t work. He has to hit his rock bottom I guess. That’s what most people say. Don’t go getting pregnant thinking it will stop him quitting. Trust me it will not lol
I guess it depends on him.. If you say don’t come back till he is sorted. There is a good chance he will think.. Fuk it.. And just keep using and using. But that’s just a guess.
Ask him about his come downs, does he feel depressed or suicidal some times. Everyone who has coke has a come down. And they do get worse. Then psychosis can kick in. Try and tell him to play the tape forward.. Which means if he’s thinking of using try and imagine what the next few days will be like, is it really worth it??
Get him listen to some addiction recovery stories on you tube or podcast. They help me a lot.
Do you have children?
I guess it depends on him.. If you say don’t come back till he is sorted. There is a good chance he will think.. Fuk it.. And just keep using and using. But that’s just a guess.
Ask him about his come downs, does he feel depressed or suicidal some times. Everyone who has coke has a come down. And they do get worse. Then psychosis can kick in. Try and tell him to play the tape forward.. Which means if he’s thinking of using try and imagine what the next few days will be like, is it really worth it??
Get him listen to some addiction recovery stories on you tube or podcast. They help me a lot.
Do you have children?
I wanted to stop because the comedowns from coke make you depressed for days and suicidal. Even when I just finished my last bag I felt like crying. It’s awful. It’s soo gripping. Plus your never really happy, the cost and so on.
The cravings you have and triggers, triggers are we’re for example, you drive past someone’s house we’re you used cocaine, you remember and it makes you want coke because it’s a memory of using there. So you have to avoid all triggers. Go another route. Say you picked up off a dealer at the corner shop. Go another shop.
If he joined CA you have peoples numbers like you and when u get cravings you phone them, and they talk you round and cravings go. That’s the best thing. Or do some activities to keep u busy.
It’s exactly like having a devil on your shoulder. Tell him get to a CA meeting on line and listen to people’s story’s. When he listens he will able to see the simularities in his story’s. And this helps. You have to download zoom 1st as all meetings are through zooms for covid.
Hey there, I hope you are OK. I’m 10 weeks clean from cocaine now.
1st off you are not to blame for any of this! His relapses or all his own fault. We chose to take the drug not you. There is emotional, mental, physical relapse. Emotional is were we start arguments with our partners as an excuse to use. We might not even want to use but your brain is that clever its planing ahead for a relapse if this makes sense. This could be what he means by blaming you for the relapse.
The problem is with being on good money, you buy more, and side effects or worse. I had to quit because of the come downs and feeling suicidal and depressed for days. They are horrendous.
I’ve tried everything to quit, hypnotist, no alcohol, locking phone away and so on.
But the 1st this he needs to do, 1st is.. he needs to want to quit for himself and is determined. Then he needs delete all dealers numbers out his phone, all people he uses with even family. Delete Facebook, insta and all others if he is on. As you can message dealers on there. He needs to avoid places he has used drugs and avoid were he has met dealers for drugs, as this is a trigger to use. I have bought 2 safes and my gf use to lock my phone and car keys away early Friday and Saturday. Its about limiting the ways of getting it. He cant drink ever again if he doesn’t want to use coke. Alcohol is the main trigger to get coke. I can’t ever have a drink again or I’ll use.
He needs to change his daily routine around now and take up hobbies or activities to keep him busy.. Decorate, gym, walks, play with kids, read. Anything he wants.
I also listen to addiction recover stories and podcast on you tube these help me a lot.
I did all this and it kept me clean for a while. But what’s really helping me now is I joined CA anonymous, I got a sponsor and I’m working the 12 steps. I’ve never felt so happy. I feel like I’m getting my life back. There are online meetings on zoom. He doesn’t need to speak at 1st if he doesn’t want to. Just listen. You get other addicts numbers and talk each day and it helps you in your recovery. Trust me this works!!
You ask is possible to quit without some sort of help. Id say he could get a few week in maybe a month then his head will tell him he’s OK now.. He can have 1 drink it won’t hurt him.. Then it’s back to coke.
Your brain tricks you even a year later. It’s like having a devil on your shoulder. With CA you have the tools and people to help you each day and a good support network.
Tell him it’s not all about god aswell. People get put off by this. Feel free to ask me anything