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Thanks for that. I wouldn’t borrow him any more money, your just making it worse. Sorry for that comment but I’m just being honest. He’s just gonna keep taking advantage of you. And you can treat yourself with that money ????
I know what you mean when you love someone and they just ignore you, it’s does hurt. It just could be his addiction and what it’s doing to his way of thinking.
What is his brother like? Does he use coke or anything else? Drink?
He may think the devil has him. But he can beat it. Tell him watch a video on you tube. It’s Louise Clarke crack cocaine part 123.
He needs watch them in that order. And she goes into detail how to beat it. I bought her book as well. It’s so helpful.
He needs to avoid all triggers aswell.
I use snort off a key.. If I see a key.. That can trigger me to want it. Its crazy.
Tell him he needs be positive, do a daily routine on paper. With new hobbies, activities. I started reading, meditate, listen to recovery podcast. And tick it off each day. Exercise is another, walk.
He can do what he wants as long as he is doing stuff to keep him occupied. It’s about having some goals, and wanting to quit and believing in himself.
You need to think of yourself in all this as well and make sure your health is good, mentally as well.. As it is draining for you alot.
Hope your OK ????
Hiya, hope u are OK?
I’m no were near recovered yet lol, but thanks.
I don’t know which way that is aimed. The coke addict loving some one? Or you loving him? Either way u can still love someone like this.
It’s not nice to hear he likes coke more I guess. But this is the power of addiction. I know for a fact he would be happy with you with out the coke. It just changes you and is like having a little devil on your shoulder.
He needs to admit to himself and get the help. Will he join CA meetings there online at the moment on zoom. I always said I’d never go but I have. I’m praying each day and meditating each day. You have to have an higher power to pray to. It doesn’t have to be God. Mine is energy, the universe, basically the law of attraction. But it keeps me focused and happy each day. If I need to do this the rest of my life to keep me clean. I can’t argue with that.
He needs delete everyone’s nums and dealers, come off social media, and change his usual routine around. Feel free to ask me anything
Hiya Laura, thanks for that.
Yes don’t listen to him if he says he will quit for a baby. That will never happen.
I never used until I had alcohol but then I started craving it without alcohol and using. It does get worse.
It’s started when I was 26 split up from and ex. And I had it in a club. Then it was house party’s, pubs. Then all that stopped and I was addicted already as an old Councillor told me, and I started using in the house on my own. When the kids and gf was in the house. I’m not proud of myself and hate what I’ve done. But this stuff gets a hold of you. My kids get everything they want, and are well looked after, and I only spent when I can afford. But it’s still not right.
I feel so much happier now I’m coming up to 9 week clean. And I’m saving, doing more things with the kids. I’m just gutted for ever trying it. Feel free to ask me anything. This helps me aswell talking to people
Hiya Holton, I hope your OK? And I hope the chemo is working.
Are you still with him? Does he want to stop?
Personally I think you need to get your friends back and move on from him. You need to look after yourself, he will just make you worse. He should be looking after you, but I don’t know the ins and outs. The coke will always come 1st, your friend is right. I’d start thinking of yourself and get some happiness in your life and go have a brew and a nice chat with your friend. Hope you are OK ❤️
Hiya Laura hope you are OK.
I’m 2 month clean now from coke. I seriously have had enough of it and joined CA 2month ago and have been clean ever since.
Anyways.. He’s not gonna stop until he wants to for himself. If he’s using every week he is definitely an addict. I have to stop because of the come downs and feeling suicidal. It’s a horrible addiction.
Cocaine will always come 1st, if there was no cocaine involved he would be round yours. It controls us, and it’s like a devil on your shoulder.
My opinion or advice is.. Do you have kids? Do you want kids? Can you see yourself settling down and having kids with him while he is like this? Because if he says he will quit for a baby.. Ect.. Believe me that doesn’t work.
I guess what I’m trying to say, if he has no intentions of quitting, and. You have no kids, move on with your life no matter how hard it is. Time is a great healer and you will get over it. Do you want to keep putting up with this? He has to make a lot of sacrifices to quit and the 1st one is getting rid of using mates. I’d have a good think what you want for your future. Your 27 and the next bit of your life is important. Don’t waste it like I did. I started using 26 now I’m 37. With loads of regrets. Start thinking of your self and make your self happy. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask me anything
Hey there. Hope you are OK.
I’m just over 2month clean from coke, Im doing my best to stop and finally joined CA anonymous.
One of the main things you have to do to quit is to delete your dealers num. That’s the 1st thing u do. Even get a new num. I came off all social media. Deleted all friends and family numbers who use, and that’s just the 1st thing to do.
How old is he? He can’t be that old if he’s at college? He probably just needs to hit his rock bottom. But with him being young if he is, he probably doesn’t want to quit just yet. That’s just my opinion though. I could be wrong. He needs to want to quit for himself. You can’t have alcohol on coke as its the main trigger to get coke. Does he want to quit it?
If he’s using that much in the week. He is like the people in the meetings. I used just on Fridays and I’m in there. It’s for all types of addictions. He’s only young still, but it will just get worse for him if he continues. Most addicts have to hit there rock bottom then finally admit we need real help.
I’ve done that with the car wheel, my dealer leaving it on it. We as addicts will find ways. That’s a good idea with his keys and phone. But can go on his laptop, message someone on fb, dropped off. It’s about cutting every possible way of getting or trigger off. And implementing new hobbies in our life. Ye you are in a tough situation. If he ends up on his own he will do what he wants when he wants, and could get worse. But just do the best you can as any mother would. I know its hard for you. My mum was crying her eyes out when I told her.
Just make sure he’s putting the effort into quit and this stuff will make you mentally ill as well with the stress.. So look after your self aswell ❤️
Hiya, hope you are OK? I’m 2 month clean from cocaine tommorow. I’ve been using 11 year and I’m 37 now. I’d say for the last 5 to 6 I’ve been doing my best to quit. I really can’t stand the downers anymore feeling depressed and suicidal for days.
The psychosis is from not sleeping enough and most I know end up getting sectioned from this. With him using days on end I can understand why he has it.
I finally joined CA anonymous 2 month ago when I last relapsed. I always said I would never go. I hate speaking in front of people, and I dnt need it, and here I am.. 2 month clean. It’s working wonders on me, I have a sponsor, I’m working the steps. Do you know anything about this??
I speak to other addicts daily and this is apart of recovery. It really does help. If he goes to CA website and meetings there are online meetings all day and night. He just needs to install zoom. Tell him don’t be put off by the god aspect it’s not all god, it’s about believing in something that you think is a higher power to you. So mine is basically good energy and bad in life, like law of attraction, karma. Things like that. It can be anything you want. It just helps praying each day and meditating.
But.. The main thing is your son has to want this himself and want to quit him self. If he does. He needs delete all dealers numbers, friends who use, no drinking anymore. This is a big trigger for coke. Delete social media. You can message dealers on there.
If he does leave his addiction may get worse as he will just feel.. Poor me. Might as well get on it. That’s how addicts minds work. We use every excuse going to use, cause arguments for no reason as an excuse to use.
But it’s your house, so he should obey your rules or get out. So I’d start off and lay some rules and then tell him get help, prove to you he is trying. But all this is down to what you want, he can’t keep abusing your house especially with your daughter in the house.
I’d have a good sit down with him and see what he wants, and you lay down the rules or tell him he will be out. Hope this helps
I personally would stop bailing him out, he needs to learn from his mistakes, plus he will just take advantage and know you will and just keep doing it.
What is his situation now? Does he want to stop? If he does, what is he doing to stop with out the meetings?
I’ve read alot of books on addiction from both perspectives – family and user, and tough love is really hard. But they say its what the user needs whatever the outcome. I guess all this is on the basis of the user not even trying to quit. Before I joined CA. I was doing my best to stop for years.
Your right as well, keep coming here and talk to people in the same situation as you. It helps so much, and you might get some ideas how they deal with it and strength to do it. You have to think of your health and financial circumstances as well. You should come 1st now. Us addicts have to fix our own problems.
Hiya hope you are OK?
I’m 2 months tommorow clean from coke, I decided to join CA 2 month ago after vowing I’d never join. But it’s helped me so much. But it’s early days. But all I can say it is working.
If he’s injecting coke it’s pretty bad, it’s obvious the snorting it isn’t enough – he wants a better high.
I don’t know him but I wouldn’t rule out anything else like crack or heroin with him injecting. But I don’t know him, so I could be wrong. But it does lead to this.
I think he himself needs to want to stop for himself again. He needs get away from everyone possible to do with drugs, delete everyone’s numbers and social media. Get a new number even, and he needs go back to the meetings and work the steps again. He did well the 1st time so it did work for him. The thing is after a few month even a year, we think we are OK and we can stay in a house we’re people drink, or talk with an old drug dealer and think we won’t get anything. But the fact is.. We are not. And this is why we have a sponsor and phone them in these situations.
I tried a hypnotist, its an easy way out thinking we are cured. I relapsed 2 week later. He has to want to quit, and get a good support network.
Hope this helps. Feel free to ask me anything.
Amen to that haha
Hiya cath, hope your OK? Hope your son is OK aswell?. This covid don’t help anyone. I’m 2 month clean this sat! It doesnt seem real lol. Still with CA and it’s working great.
You made me laugh with the candles, because I’ve gone a bit spiritual now and I’m praying everyday and meditating. If it makes us happy and it works, who cares ????????????
Hiya cath, hope your OK? Hope your son is OK aswell?. This covid don’t help anyone. I’m 2 month clean this sat! It doesnt seem real lol. Still with CA and it’s working great.
You made me laugh with the candles, because I’ve gone a bit spiritual now and I’m praying everyday and meditating. If it makes us happy and it works, who cares ????????????
Hope you are OK. I’ve never been in this situation, but I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it too much. I’m a cocaine addict and have been clean 7 weeks now. Us addicts can only take so much help it is mainly down to us. In fact it is just down to us. We can’t blame people for our own problem. I have had countless arguments with my gf, she’s dumped me and so on. All because of my addiction, it ruins family’s. But in the end its only us who can get us out of this mess.
It’s natural for you to think about the what ifs? One last chance with him? And so on. I wouldn’t worry too much, I imagine you did your best, and he would of known this, and both forgiven each other deep down. Just be happy for the good memory’s you had together.
Hope this makes sense, I’m no good at this and no one replied to you. No one who has passed on would want someone blaming them self’s for there death. Try not to worry to much. Try and say a little prayer to him. Hope this helps ❤️