[danman83]

It’s OK. It’s a lot to take in if you have never done it yourself. But this stuff does ruin family’s not just the user. I’d sit down with him and have a good talk, if he wants to quit do some sort of plan of action. But the main thing is, he needs to want to quit for himself. Not just because you want him to, an addict has to do it for them self’s. Then it becomes easier to quit.

[danman83]

Hiya, hope you are OK? I’m 7 weeks clean now from coke, I’ve been using for 11 years. The last 5 I’ve been doing my best to quit.

1st off he is definitely an addict, he’s using 2 to 3 times a week for 4 month. He will be addicted already. Although if he is telling the truth it being 4 month only, it should be easier to quit.

One of the main triggers for cocaine is alcohol so he needs to quit alcohol as well. If I have 1 can of beer I’m on the phone to my dealer. This is for most coke users. If you don’t know what triggers are, this can be walking past a corner shop where you met a dealer and it just makes you want to get coke. We have loads of triggers so it’s about cutting these triggers out.

If he wants to stop coke. He needs to delete all dealers numbers, friends and family who use. I deleted face book and other social media. You can still message dealers on there.

One of the main side effects and problems with coke is when it’s wearing off u start to feel depressed and suicidal. This can last for days! Then u get more. Its a big vicious circle. This is one of the reasons if not main reason I want to quit. The minute my bag is empty I have to get another and depression kicks in right there. Its horrible, and it is a disease. Some people disagree with this but it’s true.

You say he’s an alcoholic as well. So I guess this is gonna be really hard for him. If he wants to quit he needs to start changing his routine around, eat healthy, take up some hobbies, I’ve took up reading and I listen to recovery stories. I have took up meditation, believe me this helps so much. Do an itinerary plan for each day for task to do. It keeps you busy and from over thinking.

I started CA meetings when I last relapsed 7 week ago. And I have a sponsor. They are all on zoom and help me so much and I wouldn’t of got this far with out it. Would he do these?

Tell him don’t let the god thing put him off you can believe in what higher power you want. I pray everyday now and meditate. Its more better than blowing your money I guess. Feel free to ask me anything

[danman83]

I’m starting to think now is he or isn’t he haha.

I don’t really know to be honest really because I can’t see him. I guess only you can judge that. My gf knows within an hour I am on it. I guess if he is drinking then he is going to the toilet more.

You could just buy a test, then just say to him when you get it, not before because he will not use then and will pass it. And just say… Right it’s eating me away this, please take this test give me piece of mind and when u pass I won’t bring it up again. But that is entirely up to you. I don’t know whether it will cause arguments. But it’s a good way, and it will clear it up once and for all.

You definitely don’t eat on coke, I know that far a fact, unless it’s been a few hours since u last used and I’m talking like 3 hours maybe more.

The sleeping tablets, I use to take because I hated the coke when it wore off and felt suicidal and depressed. So they knocked me out. They are dangerous really as you can be in your back and start being sick and choke, especially if you just drink, we both know it’s Easy to drink to much and just throw up. I don’t get if he’s drinking then taking sleeping tablets, if that’s what you said, because alcohol sends you tired really, well when you are in the house you can get to sleep a lot easier. So I don’t get why the need for sleeping tabs. But again I don’t know his situation.

Going back to disposing wraps and ect.. An addict will do anything possible for you not to find out. I use put my empty bags in an empty beer can. Just out of the way and sight. You can wrap it up in toilet roll and flush down the bog. Put it in the sole of your shoe and bin it when your on your own.

It sounds like he just has same problem as me on the meetings don’t want to talk or out, and it is hard but it’s helping me. But then again he’s adamant he is not using.

[danman83]

Well thats great aswell. Just don’t beat yourself up about it. I imagine it is hard for you. I’ve seen what it has done to my gf, so I know it’s stressful.

Does he want to quit? What is he doing to quit?

I do lots of things that help me. I listen to addiction recovery stories on you tube and podcast. I’ve took up reading,excersise and just other little things. I joined CA anonymous 7 week ago and I’ve been clean since and I got a sponsor. I’ve never felt stronger and happier but I still get urges but I just speak to my sponsor.

It will take time and he just needs to keep trying and not give into it.

[danman83]

Hey there, hope you are OK, don’t be thinking about taking your own life just think of the positives with your daughter. It’s not you with the problem. I’m sorry to say this but if your thinking this it’s best for you to move on ASAP and leave him to it no matter how much you love him. Let him deal with his own recovery. I’m 7 weeks clean now from coke and I have decided to join CA and that’s working for me so far. Has he not thought about joining?

You are right there is good in him, and it is a disease that takes over, it’s a vicious circle, and he probably does want to quit and hate himself for it. It’s just a horrible disease and addiction.

But if your thinking about ending it, you really need to start thinking of yourself. You have a daughter and a granddaughter who need you. Get back to Australia for a year or summat. I know I would do that lol. Hope this helps. Stay strong

[danman83]

Drinking and coke come hand in hand. You can’t Do one without the other. Especially if you have been on coke that long and just stop.

As for the number he’s obviously changed it to a dif name for a reason. If he didn’t want it you would just delete it.

My gf never found my bags I just had it hid in my sock, or under an ornament in the bathroom. The bathroom/toilet will be were all the sniffing gets done if your downstairs with him. Does he go to the toilet a lot? Well he will if he’s drinking. I guess you could look for white bits on the toilet seat or back of the toilet. Or on the floor as it drops on the floor.

Also some one on here got a drug kit, and tested her bf urine in the toilet as he forgot to flush it. And it was positive. If his nose is snotty a lot and dont have bad hay fever, it could be it. Also why is his nose bleeding a lot, it shouldn’t be really. Mine never really bled, there was just a bit of blood on my tissue when I blew my nose. That was for a week after. Not even that. But it depends how much he is using it I guess.

My gf can easily tell when I am on it. My eyes are popping out lol, or I can’t look at her when I’m talking, very agitated, anxiety,up till 6am.

Have you seen anything like this?

I don’t like the meetings I’ve been going 7 weeks now. And I’ve spoke 3 times and I’m so nervous doing this and avoid doing it. But I need to really. Do you think this is why he don’t want to do them? Tell him just listen if it is. You don’t have to.

[danman83]

I’ve just replied to you on my post that you commented on alex

[danman83]

Hope your OK, I’m 7 week clean now from coke. 1st.. Delete all dealers nums, change your sim card ideally. Come off all social media. Cut all family and friends off who use. I literally mean this. If you don’t want to use, you need to cut even your best friend off if they use.

Tell whoever knocks on your door, to stop right now your stopping it. And try and get on some CA meetings and get a sponsor. Listen to some recovery stories on you tube and podcast. Take up meditation as well. Feel free to ask me anything

[danman83]

Thanks for that.

To be honest and it gets said in meetings it’s not really religious. You choose your own higher power. I don’t believe in God, but I believe in karma, good, bad energy, the universe and space. So that’s my higher power. And that’s who I pray to now. Basically law of attraction if this makes sense. You can even just pray to a dog if you want. It’s your own choice. He just needed to stick around longer and take more in.

What had he shown to you that proves he is quitting? For example, I made plans, give my gf my phone and car keys at weekend, listen to recovery podcast. This was before meetings.

Plus his nose, if it’s like that all the time he’s defo on it. I never really had nose bleeds. But my nose feels better after a month.

Personally I can’t see him drinking and not getting coke. I could be wrong. Buy a drug kit and test his eurine.

I can’t see anyone quitting after 13 year unless they have put real effort in to stop. But only you will know that. Feel free to ask me anything

I’ve been using 11 years. I don’t know any coke addict that can have a drink and not get coke! Alcohol is the main trigger to get coke. The second I have a sip I’m on phone to the dealer. Although I’m not an alcoholic – I’ve had to quit drinking.

[danman83]

Hiya hope your OK. I’m the same as your bf but I am now 7 weeks clean from coke. I have finally joined CA anonymous and its helping me so much.

Anyway.. If he doesn’t want to quit, it’s just going to carry on and on and get worse. One of the biggest problems with coke is the come downs when it’s wearing off, it sends you depressed and suicidal for days. If he is doing this 2 to 3 times a week. He is never gonna be giving time for his brain chemicals (dopamine, serotonin) to get back to normal. So this is why he probably is nasty.

My opinion is.. You haven’t been with him long, think of your self and move on. He needs to work on him self and recovery if he wants to. Don’t get trapped with a kid and a vicious circle of lies and using. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask me anything

[danman83]

Thanks ????

[danman83]

Thank you so much ????

[danman83]

I’ll have a look for that I like Steve carrell thanks ????

[danman83]

Thanks ladies, you really cheer me up, and give me strength as cheesy as it sounds; its true.

????

There is a book I’m reading that I’d recommend to you all reading.

It’s called ‘mum, can you lend me 20quid’. It’s about a woman who has twin boys, and how they turned to heroin and how it effects family’s. Its all true, and based in UK down south. The mother is quite popular now and promotes addiction recovery.

[danman83]

Thanks for that ????

Normally your gut instinct is right so go with it if you think it is something else.

How are you doing now? What is his situation if you don’t mind me asking? Is he on it today or missing?

Listening to all your stories on here has hit me abit, now I’ve had time to think about it all, what I had done to my mum, partner, children. It must be heartbreaking. Im constantly on at my 17 year old son about it.

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