[dannig20]

Hi. I’m in the exact same situation. I’ve also got a young baby & support us financially, so know how difficult it is :(. It’s such a desperate feeling knowing you’re stuck in a vicious circle & being on maternity leave with not much money, but yet having to support your boyfriend knowing he spends X amount on drink and drugs. You literally can’t trust them in the slightest, whether it’s to not steal stuff from you or to look after your baby…and you can’t help but blame yourself for putting your poor baby in the middle of all this :(. I literally could have written your post. I haven’t really got any advice, but thought it might help to have someone to talk to?

[dannig20]

Sorry to hear that :(. Hope you’re doing ok?

[dannig20]

Sorry it’s taken so long to reply. I showed my bf this forum in a bid to make him realise how I felt about everything, and he asked me not to use it anymore and speak to him instead. However, it seems he’s never gonna change so I thought I’ve got nothing to lose but come back on here :(. Last week, despite everything going on with coronavirus, he got the train to his old town and got drunk & took drugs :(. Which led to him finally admitting about coke, but saying it was a one off & a friend just “gave him a bit”. I know he at least rang around several people to get hold of some & withdrew £50 (which he never spent), but in fairness he never had any other money to spend. But the fact he travelled & risked making us all ill for some drink & coke makes me feel sick. Hope you’re doing ok?

[dannig20]

I hope mine is the same lol. Good, well done :). And haha well whatever it takes to distract you. Well he was at family’s last night, but he’s admitted he did have a drink :(. He’s at the point again where he seems to think the odd drink will be ok 🙁 I just really hope some of your tips and the drs appointment help

[dannig20]

No I haven’t, what’s that?

[dannig20]

Ahhh I see. Good on you cos that must be difficult..but at the end of the day, if it helps you then it’s worth it.

That’s a good way to deal with the texts off the dealers, do they listen to that & stop texting? I’ve never seen any texts so know he deletes them straight away..but the only reason I knew is I’d seen a random number on his call history so he admitted it was one of them calling him :(. Dunno if they normally call or whether that was dodgy & was him arranging to meet them etc.

Ahhhh ok! Tbh he’s from a different town originally, and has admitted that in his old town 90% off the roofing companies do drugs & sell it. But he’s always told me this company in my town doesn’t, but whether or not I should believe him is a different story lol. But I know they do have a drink after work, so even if there’s no coke, there’s gonna be temptation from alcohol.

Fair play to her haha, and sure I’ll be the same in a few months time. Fingers crossed you’ll get that first month out the way, cos you do seem really determined.

I agree about it being a disease, and it’s the only thing that makes me hold on tbh, cos I know he isn’t hurting me on purpose :(.

I can’t remember if you told me about the video before, but it does look really good. Thanks.

[dannig20]

Awww lovely :). I can imagine haha, especially at the age your little girl is at. I’ve just got the 1 litte boy

[dannig20]

Ahhh good, you should be really pleased with yourself, especially on a weekend. And it must be nice feeling so fresh and being able to properly enjoy spending time with your kids :). Do you mind me asking how it works with your partner locking you phone away? Not sure what’s happening with my bf & coke, but he did admit that he still gets calls etc from drug dealers yesterday, so I’d like to try and get rid of that temptation. However, I have told him maybe he should get a new number for a fresh start, but know he could still get hold of them if he really wanted.

I’m not sure..I know he was probably drinking most days back in December-February time when it was really bad. I suspect he drank Monday, Wednesday and Friday this week, but admittedly the only time he seemed drunk was yesterday. He’s currently working cash in hand as a roofer, so easier to not work every day I suppose or be tempted with a pocket full of cash.

Think I’ll have to go with him, but got no one to baby sit the little one & worried it’ll look bad taking him with us :(. Ohhh really, that’s good to know about the medication. Fingers crossed they’ll do something similar with him, just hope that doesn’t drive him back to coke.

Tbf, every other Saturday night he stays with family & looks after his little girl (from a previous relationship) & my mum comes round to spend some time with my baby. Is it bad that I’d worry about him on his own if I did go out though?

[dannig20]

I’m ok thanks, just getting very fed up with it all now 🙁 how are you doing? Yeah he must have done..he did stay at home from about 4 onwards when he came back. He just ended up sleeping it off tbh. Exactly, think I need to start being a bit selfish, cos the constant worrying isn’t doing me any good :(. The only reason I gave him the benefit of the doubt is coz he said he’d get help..he has got a drs appointment booked, but whether or not he’ll mention the drinking or not I don’t know. I think if the appointment was a week or so ago, then he would have, but he seems to be in denial again 🙁

[dannig20]

I’m not sure where he’s going tbh, cos he’s not even got family or friends in the area..I’m not even sure he went to work at all yesterday, so possibly he spent the afternoon in the pub. Yeah exactly, it’s too much to cope with on my own all day every day, with very little help. Hard work aren’t they lol, how old are your kids?

When he’s not drinking, he’s an amazing dad & such a caring man, but I think I need to accept that the person he is when he’s had a drink is going to take over the majority of the time until he’s got help :(. Definitely need to have a chat with him when he’s completely sober, and see if any of it sinks in. If it doesn’t, then I can’t keep going in circles.

Thanks, and good idea!

[dannig20]

Hi. Sorry to hear that :(. I don’t know any councillors or much about getting help tbh. It’s really good that you’re acknowledging you need to speak to someone though :). Someone replied on my other post and gave lots of tips about dealing with addiction though, like keeping occupied, youtube videos, apps etc, so don’t know whether any of that would help you?

[dannig20]

Sounds good..and must really help to put things into perspective. I really don’t know what to do :(. Last night/this morning, I admitted to my boyfriend that I’m feeling really down atm & finding a newborn baby & our debt problems really depressing. I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing cos wasn’t sure he’d be able to cope, but just needed to be honest with him. He’s come back from work today hammered and gone back to denying it 🙁

[dannig20]

Yeah I can imagine it’s really difficult 🙁 ..ohhh ok, that’s good to know! Especially didn’t realise that the cravings only last 30 minutes..crazy to think that’s all it takes! I’ll tell him about the 3 D’s. He’s still in denial about coke, but I’ll tell him it’ll take his mind off drinking. He hasn’t really got any hobbies, but we have been on about exercising together, so maybe that would be a good start :). Awww that’s a good idea, sure doing stuff with your little boy helps 🙂

[dannig20]

Thanks so much for your reply.

Sorry to hear about your problem..but good on you for acknowledging it & trying to get help!

Ahhhh, that makes sense about the emotional relapse! Especially as he always goes out when we have an argument. Have you got any tips on how he can prevent that?

He’s admitted about having a problem with drink, and since then there have only been a couple of occasions where I’ve suspected he’s had a drink secretly. The only thing is, even though he’s admitted his problem, he doesn’t seem to be taking any steps to help combat it :(. He’s still not admitted anything about taking coke yet..although, know it probably sounds crazy, but I bought some drug tests online. After about 4 days of positive results (he gave all the excuses under the sun), he’s been negative for the past week, which I’m hoping is a good sign

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