[darryl]

Thanks for the reply, I’ve never recieved any help due to pride and denial.

I just am now finally realizing I cant do it by myself. I feel my relationship has suffered cause I stopped caring about us.

Caring only about my needs when I’m high. Cocaine is a selfish drug that’s made me a selfish individual. I think it blocks your ability to feel compassion for others. I’ve taken years to realize this but make no steps to change. I’m crying out with no help from my girlfriend, she just makes me feel like crap so I justify what I do when I’m high cause I cant talk to her without criticizing me, I want positive encouragement that I dont get.

I know she cares but calling me names only makes me feel worse. I want to forget about drugs but I feel she only thinks about herself when it comes to my addiction. Constantly asking if I’m on drugs makes me want them more.

I’ve explained this and I feel she doesnt care, because she continues the same questions. And in my mind I’m reminded of something I want to forget about.

She thinks talking about drugs will help me get off of them but it makes it worse. I already feel beaten up and broken down. Very viscous cycle. I’m going to start running again. I felt good when I did.

Hopefully I can get through this.

I wish you the best of luck with your husband I know it’s hard We care enough to search for advice so that’s a good start

[darryl]

Thanks

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