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Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I find places like this are very good to let all emotions out as not many people understand. My Dad was an alcoholic and passed away in April this year at the age of 44, it was a very rough time but people didn’t seem to be bothered, I didn’t get the usual condolences as people seemed to think because he was an alcoholic it was to be expected. I was also told like you he needed to reach rock bottom to pick himself up, but the sad fact is it doesn’t work, it may do for a little while but not in the long run. Alcohol is an illness and it is very hard to shake once it has taken over. My Dad was always a nice man, even with the alcohol, he just felt he needed it because it gave him confidence and gave him his life, without it he felt lost and didn’t like that feeling. He went for help, but often lied about his situation to make it sound better and to make it sound as if he was getting better. Most alcoholics tend to feel as though they are invincible, when that is not the case and it is very hard to get the correct help. My Dad moved in with me but I couldn’t have him around my daughter any more so I completely understand that you cant have your daughter around you and your grandchildren but I do think everyone needs to help and stick by your daughter and push her to seek proper help. My Dad didn’t find the proper help in time so I hope that your daughter does, and I hope she sees sense. My story is on here if you would like to share it with her, it may help her to realise she doesn’t want to go down the same track as my Father. I wish you all the best with your health too, I hope you all seek some comfort soon x
Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I know exactly what you are going through as I went through literally the same thing, except with my Dad. My Dad knew he had a problem and admitted it to myself, my sister and my mum but when he went to see counsellor/doctors/AA he just used to say he was getting better and lied to them as he was actually getting worse. My Dad used hide his drink everywhere, I asked him to come and live with me but had to ask him to leave as it was just too much. I was there 110% for my Dad and tried my hardest but unfortunately it wasn’t good enough. I write in past tense because my Dad passed away in April this year. I felt I needed to write to you to let you know you’re not alone and I hope the same doesn’t happen to your Mum. I would suggest sticking by her no matter what, then at least you have peace of mind if the worst does happen. My story is on here if you wanted to share it with her, I found that my Dad thought he was invincible, when he wasn’t, maybe if you’re Mum sees it’s actually damaging to her health and alcohol does kill she will have a change of heart. I know once alcohol takes over it’s hard to get rid of and is an illness which doesn’t really get that much attention and help unless alcoholics beg for it. By the way, my Dad was 44 when he passed so I would urge her to maybe seek rehab/a wet home. I’m here to talk if you need to x
Sorry I’m only just replying, I didn’t get a notification to say that you had messaged back. It wasn’t brief at all however I’m sure you have a million and one things on your mind that you could say.
My Dad used to stop for about a week or two an then think he was fine, he even managed to stop for 6 months and he still wasn’t fine… It just shows how damaging alcohol really is. One doctor told me that in reality if my Dad was a heroin addict he would have been much better off as he would have been able to get better help and it would have done different things to his body (not exactly 100% on how true that is). If he does have anxiety and depression maybe speak to him about trying to get that sorted too; he just needs to be as truthful as he can be when speaking to the counsillors and I really hope he does because then he will get the help and support he needs.
I really wish I could give you something more and be able to tell you where a magic cure is but unfortunately I can’t. I understand you’d love to step away, I always wanted to step away but looking back now I’m glad I never because I think that would have haunted me for the rest of my life and I don’t want you to feel like that if the worst did happen.
I hope your Dad made in on holiday in time and hope he uses the break to chill and sort himself out for you and your family. I really hope things get better for you soon 🙂 xxHi, I have been through the exact same thing, unfortunately for me my Dad passed away on the 15/04/2015 but I can share with you some of what I went through in the hopes I can help and the same doesn’t happen for your Dad.
Does your Dad know he has a problem and has he tried to seek help before? The hardest part to do is to get them to admit they have a problem and you should do everything in your power to get this out of them; if you feel sending this would help, send it. I also have my story on here, I posted it about a week ago, you could show him that.
You said above that your Dad is a strong character and this is where my Dad differed, he was very weak and gave in easily, he also suffered from anxiety and depression which made it hard for him to seek help. If your Dad is strong make sure you let him know that and let him know of all the things he has achieved and support him through the help if he allows it.
I tried everything to help my Dad, my Dad also got caught drink driving and was kept in a cell overnight; I wanted him to be detained for months, I know that sounds bad but I think it would have helped – they couldn’t do that though. I tried to get him sectioned but I got told he wasn’t a harm to himself or others, when he obviously was.
The only thing that is giving me peace of mind is that I tried everything in my power to help my Dad and I could not have done any more, neither could anyone else that helped him out. They can only help themselves too so just be strong and I hope you and your family see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.
xxHello,
Thank you for your response, I wish I could share the good news that I was hoping for; that my Dad miraculously had a change of heart/mind and got better but unfortunately my Dad passed away on the 15/04/15 due to a gastrointestinal hemorrhage caused by alcohol.
My mum an partner have been absolutely excellent throughout the whole of this and without them I really don’t know how I would have coped. I also have a one year old daughter and despite the fact I have a broken heart she manages to piece it back together everyday.
My Dad had tonnes of friends and family who all tried to help him massively, my Dad did want help and he wanted change but unfortunately not only was he an alcoholic but he also suffered with anxiety and depression which meant he simply couldn’t attend AA or rehab. His GP and alcohol advisior told him he could only gain help if he asked for it, he asked for it, cried and begged to get better, but the help they offered involved being part of a group and socialising which he could not do! He attened AA once and it made him relapse as he couldn’t handle the anxiety and in the end it was a constant spiral round and round again. In the end my Dad decided he didn’t want any help and this led to him drinking and drinking and drinking, he even converted from cider (what he drank all his life) to vodka, whiskey and wine and started to steal money.
I really hope that your Dad is not in this position and can seek the help he needs. I also hope you are not faced with the same situation I am in. I also don’t really have any advice either, if they want to get better they have to do it on their own unfortunately, no one can make them get better as much as we want them too.