[davetall]

It’s going to be a long road , in my experience they can take support as suffocation , it isn’t it what they are feeling is guilt , guilt because they see how there addiction is hurting those around them but also accountability and guilt when they can’t live up to the promises they have given

[davetall]

Thank you

[davetall]

We have often suspected drugs as well as the drink but have never been able to prove it . He was due to engage with CGL last Friday but cancelled , siting work and he was busy , rearranged for next Wednesday , but it’s classic avoidance , I found the addition phases and cycles on this site very interesting because it explained where he is in his decision making

[davetall]

hi HOLKAT I’m totally with you on this and i think its the way addiction gets you . I find is so frustrating and get so angry when i hear how much our family member wants to stop drinking himself into and early grave but refuses to fully engage with the professional help and support that’s being offered too him . I get so angry when he sits at my house in tears asking for help and then lies about taking it any further than a telephone call and then excuse after excuse not to reengage with them on a regular basis . It feels like he is choosing alcohol over reason every time , i said too him a few weeks ago if hitting your hand with a big hammer hurts stop doing it , but then i remember he is an addict it is an illness .

The problem comes in the support or the enablement its hard to stop doing that under the guise that its an illness and they need help , the enablement has to stop because it is an illness not increase , the help has to come from them wanting it , and im not sure my family member is ready . My concern is where will he be and how far will he fall before he is ready ??? if at all

[davetall]

Hi Lost girl

i feel your pain as a family we have similar issues to you , my sibling has walked away from me and my other sibling , saying we are putting them under too much pressure , or we are suffocating them , basically its guilt , when they see how there addiction is affecting those around them its just easier to walk away . I hope he gets the help he needs but i suppose like us it has to be them that gets it

[davetall]

hi

thanks for sharing your story , its a similar story to ours with my sibling , as a family we have tried all ways tough love , being supportive etc etc but we have had to walk away . Every time they fall and like you have to be returned by the Police or we are called they have gone to a hospital , or been found asleep on a park bench it draws you back in , helping advising , the guilt when you stop is painful , i keep telling myself its not me or my other sibling that is drinking , but its so hard when you just want the person you no and love back . Stay strong x

[davetall]

Hi Deb

thanks for the reply , its good to hear that your son or daughter is doing well , my brother keeps threatening to take the advice and get well but then backs off as soon as he thinks its under control , may i ask what were the signs for the Drug abuse please , we have often thought that it isn’t just alcohol with my brother but can never prove it . He admits to the alcohol abuse

[Author]

Posts