[davidk]

I feel like I’m pretty close to completely broken now to be honest,

The fact that the kids we’re involved and I feel like it’s the 3 of them against me when it should be all of us against addiction has really put things in perspective.

It’s so hard to understand her behavior as it is so many things I would just never do,

and she always has the excuse of turning it round saying that I’m trying to control her and change her etc, and I guess to some degree that is true, but only because I want to keep the best her,

I feel like I love one of her , but this other monster in her is my enemy that I hate that steals my girlfriend away, so yeh of course I try and keep that person out of our lives.

she also talks like she thinks I like to have power, yet there is nothing I would like more than to feel she could take responsibility for herself and me to be able to stop worrying about what she might do next as I actually have no desire to control people I just want an easy life and wish people would control themselves.

[davidk]

you hit on a good point here,

how these people must have an issue to begin with, and that’s why they turn to drugs in the first place.

I’ve often felt this about it myself, like its largely a mental health issue, combined with a drug problem and the two feed each other so well.

I also think the underlying mental health issues are largely improved when drugs are taken out of the question.

also you are right in that its like she is my drug, that I cannot let go of,

And I know I don’t deserve all the bad times, but in 7 years there has been a lot of good times too, and its those times that it is so hard to put an end to, although it is her that is ending them.

[davidk]

I know what you are saying is right, its just so hard to turn away,

I don’t know how you managed to do it, especially if he still tries to contact you,

problem with my girlfriend is she is so stubborn that even if I did leave like that she still wouldn’t think she has caused any of it and would just let me walk and that would be the end of it.

yet when she isn’t possessed she seems so together and loving hence what keeps me going back for more.

currently we are speaking a bit on phone, I haven’t been round hers since the whole argument that started my post/story on the 12th.

And I do feel like we are at a point that will be very hard to move forward from if she isn’t willing to become human again, in which case I may be forced to turn away forever as I’ve just got to that point where I don’t have the strength to be the strong one anymore. Its been the worst year of my life and I cannot allow next year to be the same.

[davidk]

Hi all, just checking back in,

I agree the general opinion is that I should run away, But I don’t know if I can turn my back completely.

I do intend to try and stop letting it all get to me though and have basically accepted defeat that for all my good intentions anything I do in the family isn’t appreciated or understood, so therefore I do need to stop putting them first and think of myself more. And maybe through losing that they will realise what I was actually doing and therefore appreciate it.

Also I have this weekend told my parents and both sisters everything, In fact I sent them the link to read my story on here, so that helps as I am no longer hiding her secrets from my family.

They don’t hate her for this though as they very much accepted her into the family but they do of course agree that this behavior isn’t right which is what I need to hear as being in my girlfriends house was making me look like the mad one as seemingly no one else could see a problem

[davidk]

Hi

Thanks for reading my story and your feedback

I know walking away is the right thing to do really but it is so hard to give up on someone and to stop thinking with your heart

We did speak a little yesterday for the first time since the big upset last week

She is still maintaining that she can do what she wants and is saying I was out of order being angry in front of the kids etc

That’s the problem when they are like this everything gets turned around and puts the argument onto a different topic and she is just so self destructive when she is in this head space,

I’m guessing all partners get the usual crap about how we are being control freaks etc and it’s us with the problem

But the problem is for me to stand by and watch and do nothing I would feel Is the worst crime of all

[davidk]

thanks for reading my story and the kind words,

you are bang on with your final line

“The drug leaves the person ungrateful, selfish, without empathy.”

sadly this is so true and the partners are always left feeling second best to a drug.

ha yeh perhaps there is still a few good men left in the world and I hope you can meet one of them.

[davidk]

thanks for the feedback, I wasn’t sure if I sounded like a snob and over-reacting about the whole current weed thing, as I’m sure if she tells any of her weed smoking friends what happened, they will all tell her she hasn’t done anything wrong etc because they would be smokers too and also argue that her daughter being 20 makes her an adult too, but I still don’t see any excuse from either of them.

I know what you are saying is good advice,

but of course I do still feel that I love her, and feel like by leaving I am giving up on her.

also, when she isn’t in the selfish grip of drugs we are amazing in a way I really never thought possible, so like all the partners of an addict, we cling on to the good side of them.

Also although the kids aren’t mine, I have spent nearly 7 years trying to be a good role model for them too so by leaving I am walking out on that as well, although from how things went the other night, I don’t think my attempts at positive influence have amounted to much after all.

[davidk]

sounds like a tough situation you are in, and of course having other children to protect means you can’t do much differently as you have them to think about too.

people in denial that don’t want to admit they are wrong will blame everything on anyone but themselves,

you can try and be there and get the blame, and if you try not being there because they push you away so much, they will then blame the whole problem on that instead.

The people around the addict are victims of the addiction just as much as the user but we are the ones that have to be strong,

sometimes I feel like I don’t have the strength left to deal with it anymore and none of us deserve to be tested like this.

seeing posts on here really helps though as you soon realize your scenario is pretty similar to so many others, addiction just seems to bring out the same monster in all of its victims, and often its hard to separate the person you love from the addict they have become.

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