[daydream]

I think when he does turn up litrally what I am going to say is .. I love you I always will but truth is you don’t love me you don’t give 2 sh*ts unless you want something. I am not letting you make a fool or me and take advantage of my love for you anymore as loving you only actually hurts me and gets me nowhere but sleepless nights so I’ve just got to let you go.

I know what your saying but I think the dating is long over due as Ive turned down so many people based on if he comes back when it’s clear now I have wasted my life away while he’s been doing as he pleases anyway.

Like the full enormity of the situation has hit me now and I just think wow, but you know what I am not sorry for being good to him as thats who I am Unfortunaly he isn’t the same.

It’s always when you leave they stop .. amount of times I’ve heard that then it’s just a one off, honestly it’s pathetic! They are jokers litrally sad they can’t live in the real world with the rest of us and see what they are doing, like they have one life and this is how they choose to live it yet we are wasting our perfectly ok lives bothered about them!!

[daydream]

Yeah defo he never chooses me though and never will as like you say he thinks I am going no where whatever he does he can stroll back in no questions asked!

I was actually meant to be going on a date with the other guy the night he turned back up so instead of going on the date I spend 3 hours on the phone to him .. This is what makes me mad I’ve wasted yet another 6 months while clearly he’s not giving me a second thought!

Haha we all know that line (no pun intended) Then it will be just a one off .. Honestly what is wrong with them!!

x

[daydream]

It’s the him not picking me .. Again that breaks me, especially since he explained why the first time wasn’t to do with me he just needed someone who doesn’t know him but he doesnt think that now it’s like wow so again it’s not me you choose!

I know what your saying though .. funny as another Ive been friends with for a while who is a normal came and did some jobs at my house in lockdown to help me out and he went mental about it saying if he comes in a foot of me again he’s gonna kill him, kind of just feel like actually giving him a chance now as what’s good for the goose .. He can’t expect me to sit waiting for him while he’s doing the opposite!@

[daydream]

Exactly!

I really do need to stop thinking about it and what they are doing but I just can’t think it’s cuz I am sat here on my own and he’s not picked me when I would pick him I sound litraly sad af saying that!

Yeah I think he’s manipulated a lot and if I questioned him on it he would be having fun and didn’t promise me anything when actually he has!

He is disgusting your right I just need to try and not sit here wondering when he’s coming back!

[daydream]

This is what I don’t get he’s actually got nothing but his looks which are fast fading and nice clothes bought in the days when he had money, so I don’t get what he’s told her.

She’s driven up to him .. if that was me I would be expecting to stay at his house not a 2 star hotel room .. so has he admitted he’s currently living with his Mum and she gives him pocket money from his wages?? Again if I was new that would red flag to me .. Or maybe she is that desperate it doesn’t matter how far he lives And what he’s doing but still at the grand age of 34 you would expect someone to have more s*it together.

He won’t have gone to her as for him it is a coke weekend as if you add up a couple of 8 balls 4 bottles of vodka and a hotel it’s his whole budget gone, she also posted on fb a week ago that she goes 50/50 which is a dream for him.

Defo know what you mean it is my own issues .. I am pretending as well as he does. He’s replaced me or maybe this is one in a string of someone stupid girls .. as I am getting less stupid by the day.

I said the other week I feel like he uses me and I enable him and he swore he wants to spend time with me but I hit the nail on the head and I nearly text him that last night but stopped myself, Decided if he can leave here not reply to one message and leave me on read while doing this, he’s not interested in one thing I say and will love the reaction. All the stuff he’s said over the last month isn’t true at all and he had 0 intention of doing any of it .. He said he wants to date me as I don’t judge him and the doctor said he needs to make new memories and be happy .. So he chooses to do this.

The whole he sees me and family and doesn’t want to loose me or not have me in his life .. I sucked that in .. Mad at myself for being such a mug.

Funny thing is I always worry about him over dosing or not being here when he needs me and it’s kind of made me think he’s probs got a lot of girls he can talk to anyway so who cares.

X

[daydream]

I think he is defo using as some photos she posted but then deleted is his typical behaviour just him acting like an idiot. She’s probs thinking he’s just a vile drunk but she’s probs not at the stage that I am where I will just walk in on him in the bathroom never mind what he’s doing so him nipping off for 5 mins won’t be suspect, she won’t openly go through his bags or know where he keeps his secret stashes of it .. same as she will think the constant tooth brushing is hygine! Feel for her actually as if she hangs around she’s got a world of shit to deal with.

I know he’s not thinking of me and he litrally doesn’t care about anything he’s said, that’s what makes me mad as he thinks I buy it all when I don’t. The amount of times he’s told me I am not talking to anyone but you .. I need to work on myself before I get into a relationship. I want to take you on dates all that crap I think are you genuinely believing that in the moment and putting it out for a sweetener so I think that’s what your doing!? I said to my friend this morning when he comes back if he dare even tell me he’s been working on himself and keeping to himself I am going to play along just to see how far he takes it as now I know 100% he is lying and I have the proof.

This girls got 2 kids and lives 3 hours away not sure how he’s gonna keep that up seeing as currently he has no car so unless she comes to him all the time it’s 5 hours on the train!

I said the other week that he’s got to find a replacement me as I think he’s getting in to deep and I no longer react to his bulls*it and he loves the reactions as much as he does drink and drugs!

No idea why I am so hooked on him, I think it is just the potential and the fact I feel like we are exactly the same I am just the clean version of him it’s like I am so tuned to him I know exactly what he’s going to say before he even opens his mouth

[daydream]

Reading you putting this is actually helping more than you realise As my mates don’t get it!

I think I am more upset that again he’s done this and he’s laughing about it I feel seething mad he’s obviously spent a whole weekend with her not even thought about me once or any of the promises he’s made me.

I keep telling myself she doesn’t know him .. She can’t do, so he’s not changed for her has he he’s just pretending to be someone else as his main thing is he doesn’t want to be judged by past mistakes so in his mind she’s a clean slate. Half of me wants to message him and tell him about himself but I don’t want him thinking he’s got a reaction and I care the other part thinks wait till he contacts me but then am like how long is that going to be .. It just gets under my skin he thinks I am so stupid and hes basically laughing his head off doing all this stuff!! I mean obviously he’s free to do it as we are not together but why spend a whole weekend with me then ignore me and do this, obviously this is what he always does I just don’t catch him and have photo evidence!!

[daydream]

Yeah 100% I am waiting for the next happy photos of them knowing full well he’s off his head. It’s the fact she looks so smug in the photos when she’s known him 2 weeks ffs!

I’ve been at work today and now back feeling like sh*t. What gets me the most is if I had free time I would pick him to spend it with and he would rather be spending time with someone I presume he’s just met .. She drove 3 1/2 hours to see him as well so he must have talked the good game!

[daydream]

I know only because the length of time I’ve known him and I believe him when he says he’s not sleeping around .. However not an excuse and based on what I’ve seen last night .. The girl he’s been chatting to has posted photos of them out drinking then laying on a hotel bed I am guessing that’s also a lie so on Monday I’ll be getting tested.

I actually feel like I am living in a dream world at the moment

[daydream]

So thank the Lord (not religious but I was this morning!) I’ve done 6 more tests through out the day and all negative!! So thinking that it’s life’s way of scaring the sh#t out of me as seriously 101 things were going through my mind this morning!!

[daydream]

So I am 3 days late did a test this morning and don’t need to tell you what result was :/ Sat here thinking Jesus Christ

[daydream]

Yeah I am feel like my friends are getting past it with me now as I’ve said if he’s going to ignore me and not messaging and is done .. don’t get why he’s keeping my number in his phone as I can still see his photo and it’s set to contacts! It’s exhausting in itself just trying to keep my mind off it all!!

[daydream]

Kel1 yeah I’ve had my friend round tonight stayed away from it and I feel better till tomorrow!! Glad it’s calm on your front! But yes I agree he’s probably getting up the courage to go all in! Mine reckoned he booked us a weekend away second week of August so wondering if he’s going to forget he said it or hope I do or if he will pop up before then, it’s the not knowing!

ele1225

Yes agree with kel defo not recreational at all! And to be suggesting you join in really is a loser .. mine is the opposite and says if I ever try it he will kill me. You really do need to run from him!

[daydream]

Yes ok today thank God it goes in peaks doesn’t it though! Feel like I would feel better if I had a time limit on the ignoring and knew when he was coming back

[daydream]

Well by the looks of it he bloody cares about her .. sat and ugly cried just now as wish I hadn’t seen it in a way wish I was just thinking he’s off on one .. but I see him liking her stuff everyday and am just like how can you find the time to do this but not just say to me move on as that would be the decent thing to actually do?!

I am now thinking how many others have there been while I’ve been sat here thinking he always comes back to me, it’s actually gutting!

[Author]

Posts